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Comment Wall
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Comment by Arthur Schroeck on September 2, 2009 at 6:14pm
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The Drunk
A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling
back and forth.
A cop on the beat sees him and approaches,
'Can I help you Sir?'
'Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr', the man replies.
The cop asks, 'Where was your car the last time you saw it?'
'It wasss on the end of thisshh key', the man replies.
About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's wiener hanging
out of his fly for all the world to see.
He asks the man, 'Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?'
Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without
missing a beat, blurts out....
'Holy shit! My girlfriend's gone, too!!
No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG - www.avg.com
Version: 8.5.409 / Virus Database: 270.13.74/2339 - Release Date: 09/01/09 06:52:00
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Snoring and the Cowboy
The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night." The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing -hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night." The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it. They said, "Man, what happened?"
He said, "Well, we got ready for bed.. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Bob sat up and watched me all night."
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Comment by Aggie on September 2, 2009 at 5:13pm
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A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on.
Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"
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Comment by Margie Arias on August 30, 2009 at 11:05am
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">a> LOL... thanks Billy... anyone in the West can relate to it. lol
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Comment by Billy Bones on August 30, 2009 at 8:45am
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Margie... had to send this one to a friend in Arizona... too funny!
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Dear Diary
Just moved to Arizona ! Now this is a state that knows how to live.
Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. It is beautiful. I've finally
found my home. I love it here..
June 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an
air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see
the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.
June 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and
rocks. What a breeze to maintain.. No more mowing the lawn for me. Another
scorcher today, but I love it here.
July 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 105 all week. How do people get used to
this kind of heat? At least, it's kind of windy though. But getting used
to the heat is taking longer than I expected.
July 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body). Missed
3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got
to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
July 20th:
I missed Fluffy (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By
the time I got to the hot car at noon, Fluffy had died and swollen up to the
size of a shopping bag, then popped like a water balloon. The car now
smells like Kibbles and Shits. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in
this heat. Good ol' Mr. Sun strikes again.
July 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And, it's hot
as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman
charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.
July 30th:
Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now, $225,000 house and I
can't even go inside. Fluffy is the lucky one. Why did I ever come here?
Aug. 4th:
It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost
$1200 and gets the temperature down to 85. I hate this stupid state.
Aug. 8th:
If another wise ass cracks, 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to
strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work, the radiator is
boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!
Aug. 9th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I sat on the
seats in the car, I thought my ass was on fire. My skin melted to the seat.
I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass .
Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.
Aug 10th:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny. Hot
and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for 2 damn
months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't
it ever rain in this damn state? Water rationing will be next, so my $2700
worth of cactus will just dry up and blow away. Even the cactus can't live
in this damn heat.
Aug. 14th:
Welcome to HELL! Temperature got to 122 today. Cactus are dead.
Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The
installer came to fix it and guess what he asked me??? "Hot enough for you
today?" My sister had to spend $1,500 to bail me out of jail. Freaking
Arizona. What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here??
Will write later to let you know how the trial goes.
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A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her
telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few
occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the
phone rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see
this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked
in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house.
The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and
the telephone began to ring.
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a
steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.
4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.
Thought you'd like to know.
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Comment by Jim Best on August 28, 2009 at 9:54pm
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2 drunks are watching a dog lick himself, one drunk says " I wish I could do that"
The other drunk said "That dog will bite you"
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