Keep Laughing!

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Comment by Aggie on September 3, 2020 at 11:42am

Sometimes Bigfoot is confused with Sasquatch... Yeti never complains!

Comment by flippr 2.0 on September 1, 2020 at 2:48am

glad i'm right-handed,it's cheaper.

Comment by Aggie on August 31, 2020 at 7:09pm

Comment by flippr 2.0 on August 27, 2020 at 3:03am

funny aftertaste?

Comment by Aggie on August 26, 2020 at 8:27pm

A friend suggested horse manure on my strawberries. I am not doing that again. I am going back to whipped cream.

Comment by Aggie on August 17, 2020 at 3:32pm

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" inquired the teacher with a sneer. "Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

Comment by Aggie on July 29, 2020 at 12:30pm

12 Commandments for growing older

#1 - Talk to yourself. There are times you need expert advice.
#2 - "In Style" are the clothes that still fit.
#3 - You don't need anger management. You need people to stop pissing you off.
#4 - Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance for idiots that needs work.
#5 - The biggest lie you tell yourself is, "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."
#6 - "On time" is when you get there.
#7 - Even duct tape can't fix stupid - but it sure does muffle the sound.
#8 - It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller.
#9 - Lately, You've noticed people your age are so much older than you.
#10 - Growing old should have taken longer.
#11 - Aging has slowed you down, but it hasn't shut you up.
#12 - You still haven't learned to act your age, and hope you never will.

And one more:
"One for the road" means peeing before you leave your home.

Comment by Aggie on July 22, 2020 at 8:46am

My IT guy just asked, "How does a computer get drunk?"
It takes screen shots.

Comment by Aggie on June 10, 2020 at 6:10pm

A man walks into a library and asks for a book on different levels of noise. The librarian says, "Sure, what Volume would you like?"

Comment by Aggie on May 16, 2020 at 12:13pm

WHEN INSULTS HAD CLASS!
These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr (NY Times Drama Critic)
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill. "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde
“I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho M
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

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