TBD on Ning
Keep Laughing!
Information
The Place to crack up! Laughing is allowed 24/7!
Members: 193
Latest Activity: yesterday
Discussion Forum
Blondes, Aggies, Pollocks, Morons, Little Patsy, Lena and Ole 396 Replies
Started by EddieDingo. Last reply by Aggie yesterday.
Sharing The Joy Of All Animals 94 Replies
Started by ozzieowl. Last reply by Aggie Sep 18.
Child Chatter 55 Replies
Started by ozzieowl. Last reply by Aggie Sep 17.
Comment Wall
Comment
-
Comment by metub4 on December 12, 2010 at 6:25am
-
Optimist vs. Pessimist
A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist.
Just to see what would happen, on the twins' birthday their father loaded the pessimist's room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist's room he loaded with horse manure.
That night the father passed by the pessimist's room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.
"Why are you crying?" the father asked.
"Because my friends will be jealous, I'll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I'll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken." answered the pessimist twin.
Passing the optimist twin's room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure. "What are you so happy about?" he asked.
To which his optimist twin replied, "There's got to be a pony in here somewhere!"
-
Comment by Aggie on December 11, 2010 at 6:49pm
-
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree. Not a lot of people know this.
-
-
Pay Attention
First-year students at a Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them, “In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you are not disgusted by anything involving the human body.” For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth. “Go ahead and do the same thing,” he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them calmly and told them, “The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention….”
-
-
Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.
-
-
Peanuts
Tour Bus driver is driving with a Bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old Lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady,
‘Why don’t you eat the Peanuts yourself”?
‘We can’t chew them because we’ve no teeth’, she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, ‘Why do you buy them then”?
The Old Lady Replied,
‘We just love the Chocolate around them”.
-
-
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.
-
-
A Fairy Tale for you guys out there
Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess..
"Will you marry me?"
The Princess said "NO!"
And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf and dated women half his age and drank beer and scotch
and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.
The End
-
-
Sleeping Arrangements
When a family moved into their new house, a visiting relative asked the little five-year-old how he liked the new place.
"It's terrific," he said. "I have my own room, my brother has his own room, and my sister has her own room. But poor mom is still sleeping with dad."
-
-
Something Christmas
Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter heaven. On entering they are told that they must present something “Christmassy.” in order to get in.
The first man searches his pocket, and finds some pine needles from the family’s Christmas tree. He is let it.
The second man presents a bow and some ribbon, from presents that were opened earlier in that night. So he is also allowed in.
The third man pulls out a pair of panties.
Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, “How do these represent Christmas?”
To which he replies, “Oh, They’re Carol’s.”
-
-
SNORES
A woman has a dog who snores in his sleep. She goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog’s testicles and he will stop snoring.
A few hours after going to bed the dog is snoring as usual. She goes to the closet and grabs a piece of ribbon, ties it around the dog’s testicles, and sure enough the dog stops snoring. The woman is amazed.
Later that night her husband comes home drunk after being out with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep, and begins snoring very loudly.
The woman thinks maybe the ribbon will work on him. She goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of ribbon, and ties it around her husband’s testicles. Amazingly it also works on him. The woman sleeps very soundly.
The next morning the husband wakes up very hung over. He stumbles into the bathroom to do his business, and as he stands in front of the toilet, he looks in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his scrotum. He is very confused. He walks back into the bedroom and sees a red ribbon attached to his dog’s scrotum.
He looks at the dog and says, “Rex old fella, I don’t remember what the hell happened last night, but wherever we were, we took first and second place.
© 2025 Created by Aggie.
Powered by
You need to be a member of Keep Laughing! to add comments!