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Comment by metub4 on May 1, 2011 at 6:17am

Comment by metub4 on April 23, 2011 at 9:34pm

Condom Slogans

1. Cover your stump before you hump
2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3. Don't be silly, protect your willy
4. When in doubt, shroud your spout
5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner
6. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong
7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it
8. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey
9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize
10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick
12. If you go into heat, package your meat
13. While you're undressing venus, dress up your penis
14. When you take off her pants and blouse, slip up your trouser mouse
15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member
16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker
17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool
18. The right selection will protect your erection
19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil
20. A crank with armor will never harm her
21. No glove, no love!

Comment by Aggie on April 23, 2011 at 3:13pm

Condoms

A man and his son go into a pharmacy and stand in-front of the condoms that read: 3-6-12-.. the boy ask's his father:' Dad what are condoms? the father replys: Condoms are used by men to practice safe sex.. The boy than say's: I think I remember having a class like that in school, but why are there 3 in that package. The father reply's: Son those are for the high school boy's. Once on Friday, once on Saturday and once on Sunday.. and dad, why are there 6 in that package ? son those are for the college boy's; Twice on Friday, twice on Saturday, twice on Sunday. Finally the father makes a decession and grabs the package of 12.. The boy is flambergasted and asked his father, wooh, who are those for ? Those are for married folks son, once in Janurary, once in Feburary, once in Marchhhhhhhhhhhhh...hahah

Comment by metub4 on March 10, 2011 at 4:06pm

Responses to Pick Up Lines

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

Man: So, wanna go back to my place ?
Woman: Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

Man: I'd like to call you. What's your number?
Woman: It's in the phone book.
Man: But I don't know your name.
Woman: That's in the phone book too.

Man: So what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: What sign were you born under?
Woman: No Parking.

Man: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not Enter

Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone.

Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

Man: I can tell that you want me.
Woman: Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you.....to leave.

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:
Woman: Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die
laughing.

Man: Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?
Woman: Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I'd go through anything for you.
Woman: Good! Let's start with your bank account.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?

Comment by Aggie on February 21, 2011 at 5:40pm

My Favorite Animal !
Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else in the class laughed.
My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children.
So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders."

Guess where I am now...???

Comment by Aggie on January 26, 2011 at 6:09pm

Comment by metub4 on January 26, 2011 at 2:13pm

Ford and God - Rated PG

Henry Ford died and went to heaven. At the gates, an angel told
Ford, "Well, you've been such a good guy and your invention-the
assembly line-changed the world. As a reward, you can hangout with
anyone you want to in Heaven."

Ford thinks about it and says, "I want to hang out with God Himself."
The be-feathered fellow at the Gates took Ford to the Throne Room and
introduced him to God. Ford then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the
inventor of Woman?"

God said, "Ah, yes."

"Well," said Ford, "you have some major design flaws in your
invention:

1. there's too much front end protrusion

2. it chatters at high speeds

3. maintenance is very costly

4. it constantly needs repainting and refinishing

5. it is out of commission 5 or 6 of every 28 days

6. the rear end wobbles too much, and

7. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust."

"Hmmm," replied God, "hold on." God went to the Celestial
Supercomputer, typed in a few keystrokes, and waited for the results.
The computer printed out a slip of paper.

"It may be that my invention is flawed," God replied to Henry
Ford, "but according to statistics, more men are riding my invention
than yours!"

Comment by TeeBubbaDee on January 26, 2011 at 12:15pm

What do you call a vegetarian who goes back to eating meat?
-Someone who lost his/her veg-inity!

Comment by Aggie on January 25, 2011 at 9:36pm

Comment by Aggie on January 24, 2011 at 11:52pm

Selling A Car
A blonde tried to sell her old car.
She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it.

One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal.
" "That doesn't matter," replied the blonde,
"if I only can sell the car."
"Okay," said the brunette.
"Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car."

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.
About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it.

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