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Discussion Forum
Battle of the sexes 393 Replies
Started by EddieDingo. Last reply by Aggie 7 hours ago.
Blondes, Aggies, Pollocks, Morons, Little Patsy, Lena and Ole 396 Replies
Started by EddieDingo. Last reply by Aggie yesterday.
Sharing The Joy Of All Animals 94 Replies
Started by ozzieowl. Last reply by Aggie Sep 18.
Comment Wall
Comment
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Comment by metub4 on June 18, 2011 at 6:07am
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Now we know why the artist put a smile on his face......
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Comment by Aggie on June 17, 2011 at 10:34am
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Raffle Winner
A Texas Aggie won a bass boat in a raffle drawing. He brought it home, his wife looks at him and says, "What are you gonna do with that. There ain't no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of here."
He says, "I won it and I'm a gonna keep it."
His brother, also an Aggie, came over to visit several days later. He sees the wife and asks, where my brother?
She says, "He's out there in his bass boat", pointing to the field behind the house.
The brother heads out behind the house, sees him sitting in a bass boat with a fishing rod in his hand down in the middle of a big field. He yells out to him, "What the hell are you doing?"
His brother replies, "I'm fishin, What the hell does it look like I'm a doing?"
His brother yells, "It's people like you that give us Aggies a bad name, makin everybody think we're stupid. If I could swim, I'd come out there and whip your ass!"
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How many men does it take to open a beer?
None.... It should be opened when she brings it.
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Time for a beer...
Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
Babe Ruth
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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
Lyndon B. Johnson
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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
Paul Horning
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"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
H. L.. Mencken
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"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
George Bernard Shaw
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"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
Benjamin Franklin
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"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
Dave Barry
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BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!
W. C. Fields
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Remember "I" before "E," except in Budweiser.
Professor Irwin Corey
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To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group -Salvation in a can!
Leo Durocher
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One night at Cheers, Cliff Calvin explained the" Buffalo Theory" to his buddy Norm:
"Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members! ; In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
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Fairy Tale
Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so. "
That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself:
"I don't really think so."
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Business Smarts
The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read:
BEST DEALS.
He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading:
LOWEST PRICES.
The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea.
He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop ... It read:
MAIN ENTRANCE.
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A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
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The Benefits of Breast Feeding
1. It's fresh.
2. It's healthy.
3. It's always the right temperature.
4. It comes in such nice containers.
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Political Quotes and Blatherings
"I resent your insinuendoes."
"If we don't make some changes, the status quo will remain the same."
"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world."
"I support efforts to limit the terms of members of Congress, especially members of the House and members of the Senate." -- Dan Quayle
"If Lincoln were alive today, he'd roll over in his grave."
"We do not have censorship. What we have is a limitation on what newspapers can report."
"Candidly, I cannot answer that. The question is too suppository."
"Let's jump off that bridge when we come to it."
"To be demeanered like that is an exercise in fertility."
"I deny the allegations, and I defy the allegators."
"If somebody's gonna stab me in the back, I want to be there."
"When you're talking to me, keep your mouth shut."
"Let's do this in one foul swoop."
"I want to thank each and every one of you for having extinguished yourselves in this session."
"We'll run it up the flagpole and see who salutes that booger."
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A woman was sipping on a glass of wine while sitting on the patio with her husband.
She says, "I love you so much. I don't know how I could ever live without you."
Her husband asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?"
She replies, "It's me... talking to the wine."
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