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Comment by Aggie on July 19, 2011 at 11:42pm

Comment by Aggie on July 19, 2011 at 11:05pm

How Dry is is in Texas?

A buddy out of Longview said he'd killed a mosquito that was carrying a canteen.

A man in Dime Box said the chicken farmers were giving the chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.

In Lake Palestine, they caught a 20 lb catfish that had ticks on it!

But just this week, in Bryan, a fire hydrant was seen bribing a dog.

It's so dry in Texas that the Baptists are starting to baptize by sprinkling, the Methodists are using wet-wipes, the Presbyterians are giving out rain-checks, and the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn back into water.

Comment by Aggie on July 19, 2011 at 9:27pm

A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandmother's word processor. She told her she was writing a story. "What's it about?" she asked. "I don't know," the granddaughter replied. "I can't read."

Comment by metub4 on July 19, 2011 at 4:31pm

On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students of the freshman class, pointing out some of the rules.

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, so too, the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180." said the dean.

The dean continued, "Are there any questions?" At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?"

$$$$$$$$$

Comment by metub4 on July 16, 2011 at 5:13am

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them.

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them.

Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He's a cross dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than you do.

Good: Your son's finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door.
Ugly: So are you.

Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections.

Good: Your wife's not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Ugly: She's a lawyer.

Good: The postman is early.
Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying an AK-47.
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas.

Good: You flirt with a gorgeous woman at a party.
Bad: Your wife notices.
Ugly: You're married to Lorena Bobbitt.

Good: You talk your wife into taking a Viagra pill.
Bad: She gets it stuck in her throat.
Ugly: She misses three days of work because of a stiff neck.

Good: A beautiful redhead at a party drags you into a closet.
Bad: You discover just a moment too late,
she has the same equipment as you.
Ugly: Her's is larger than yours.

Good: Your 22-year-old daughter got a new job.
Bad: It's at the White House.
Ugly: She will be working for the president.

Comment by metub4 on July 15, 2011 at 1:51pm

EVER WONDER

 

WHAT HAPPENED TO

THE DINOSAURS .......

 

 

Comment by Aggie on July 15, 2011 at 12:09am

Comment by Aggie on July 14, 2011 at 11:26pm

Comment by Aggie on July 14, 2011 at 11:23pm

Party Entertainment

A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out..... a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party started, two bums showed up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman told them that she would give them a meal if they would help chop some wood for her out back. Gratefully, they headed to the rear of the house.

The guests arrived, and all was going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown hadn't shown up. After a half an hour, the clown finally called to report that he was stuck in traffic, and would probably not make the party at all.

The woman was very disappointed and unsuccessfully tried to entertain the children herself. She happened to look out the window and saw one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watched in awe as he swung from tree branches, did midair flips, and leaped high in the air.

She spoke to the other bum and said, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvelous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $100!"

The other bum says, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him. HEY WILLIE! FOR $100, WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?"

Comment by metub4 on July 12, 2011 at 1:50pm

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