If Men Had Periods

[Dazzling Zoomer Gal Diana]

If Men had Periods...
by Gloria Steinem

Since history was recorded, male human beings have built whole cultures around the idea that penis-envy is "natural" to women - though having such an unprotected organ might be said to make men more vulnerable, and the power to give birth makes womb-envy at least logical. In short, logic has nothing to do with it. What would happen, for instance, if suddenly, magically, men could menstruate and women could not? The answer is clear - menstruation would become an enviable, boast-worthy, masculine event:

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Men would brag about how long and how much.
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Boys would mark the onset of menses, that longed-for proof of manhood, with religious ritual and stag parties.
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The US Congress would fund a National Institute of Dysmenorrhea to help stamp out monthly discomforts.
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Sanitary supplies would be federally funded and free. (Of course, some men would still pay for the prestige of commercial brands such as John Wayne Tampons, Muhammad Ali's Rope-a-dope Pads, Joe Namath Jock Shields - "For Those Light Bachelor Days," and Robert "Baretta" Blake Maxi-Pads.)
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Military men, right-wing politicians, and religious fundamentalists would cite menstruation ("MENstruation") as proof that only men could serve in the army ("You have to give blood to take blood"), occupy political office ("Can women be aggressive without that steadfast cycle governed by the planet Mars?"), be priests and ministers ("how could a woman give her blood for our sins"), or rabbis ("Without the monthly loss of impurities, women remain unclean").
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Male radicals, left-wing politicians, and mystics, however, would insist that women are equal, just different; and that any woman could enter their ranks if only she were willing to self-inflict a major wound every month ("You must give blood for the revolution"), recognize the preeminence of menstrual issues, or subordinate her selfless to all men in their Cycle of Enlightenment.
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Street guys would brag ("I'm a three-pad man") or answer praise from a buddy (" Man, you are lookin' good") by giving fives and saying, "Yeah, man, I'm on the rag!"
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TV shows would treat the subject at length. ("Happy Days": Richie and Potsie try to convince Fonzie that he is still "The Fonz," though he has missed two periods in a row.)
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So would newspapers. (JUDGE CITES MONTHLY STRESS IN PARDONING RAPIST.)
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And movies. (Newman and Redford in "Blood Brothers"!)
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Men would convince women that intercourse was more pleasurable at "that time of the month." Lesbians would be said to fear blood and therefore life itself - though probably only because they needed a good menstruating man.
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Of course, male intellectuals would offer the most moral and logical arguments. How could a woman master any discipline that demanded a sense of time, space, mathematics, or measurement, for instance, without that in-built gift for measuring the cycles of the moon and planets - and thus for measuring anything at all? In the rarefied fields of philosophy and religion, could women compensate for missing the rhythm of the universe? Or for their lack of symbolic death-and-resurrection every month?

[Maricel Evasco]

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Red wing would become a popular kink. (a term too gross for me to explain in here)

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Better population control since the time frame of engaging in intercourse will narrow down to roughly a couple of weeks.

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More clogged toilets @ public restrooms.

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An increase in price for baking soda and pelvic cleansing agents.

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More reason for pharmaceuticals to celebrate- More pain suppressants/medications on the market.

[WS]

Funny, Diana! (And probably true!)

[Cheryl Richards]

The only problem that I see with this theory that it would then encompass all inherent reproductive issues, i.e. childbirth. Considering the abysmally low threshold of pain which most men with whom I am acquainted function, mankind as we know it would simply disappear in as few as three generations.

[Dazzling Zoomer Gal Diana]

To make matters a bit more interesting - here is an article about the Y chromosome - and how it may be disappearing. A world without men - a few millennia from now - or sooner? We'd best get that cloning business right to hand as soon as possible! /;-> ! Make mine a "James Purefoy " please. (The actor most noted for his role as Mark Antony in "Rome" - and for his current role as "The Philanthropist". Quite YUM.)
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The article does end well - "In other words, men will not fade away, even if their Y chromosomes do."

[LyndaAndLab]

Oh my, Dazzling Di,
I hate to put a serious spin on such a "friend"ly page, but both my son and husband are very understanding during "full-moon" times. Mark, my husband, is just a humanist anyway, he's my caretaker. Mark took after his dad and that made for a great role model for our son, Jason. I didn't see a lot of Mark in Jason, except where it involved his little sister, Lauren, who is 3 years younger. With her he would always be patient, easy and understanding. When Lauren first began her period, I made certain she was okay, and she marched down the stairs and proudly announced to her father and brother that she had just started. Mark and I were stunned! But Jason took it right in stride. Since he had just received his license, he grabbed his keys and asked Lauren what kind of chocolate she was in the mood for!

[Suuse]

I wish I could remember who said this (and I will find the attribution!): "THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO SUFFER FROM PENIS ENVY ARE MEN."