Crying

[SeaRain]

I'm not a crier. Don't know why, but I suspect it was frowned upon when I was a child. I do know I didn't have a lot of reasons to cry then.

As an adult - no tears. Not when my dad died, not when my sister died, not when my mom died.

BUT - and this is the real discussion - my exhusband was a crier, and my exboyfriend was a crier.

And I hated it Really hated it. Stop crying. Get a grip.

I mean, if there was a real reason to cry. And I know, they were crying for a reason that was real to them.

But I stil hate it. And still will. And will run the next time I come across a crier. Sorry. I'm outta here.

[Dazzling Zoomer Gal Diana]

Hahahahaha! I used to be the same way. Tough little only child, dad wanted a son - "soldier's daughter" who was actually trained not to cry, even when - well - trust me, I was trained not to cry under ANY circumstances.

So I never cried. I would go into the bathroom, grab a towel, and twist it until it started to shred.

Until one day - I was an adult, I was 35, and my mother died in my arms. Then I flew to Montreal, and her sister, my beloved aunt, died in my arms.

Now. I cry when I need to - and make no excuses. TSD cried when his cat died in his arms, and I admired him greatly for it. My ex never cried, was proud of it, and he turned out to be a cold hearted bastard.

Some people find it almost impossible to tolerate tears. I get that. But I'm over pleasing other people when my own well being is at stake. But I promise you dear SeaRain . . . if we ever meet - I will not cry. As along as you let me hug you that is!!! /;-D

[Dazzling Zoomer Gal Diana]

Here sweetie, I always carry a hanky ....

[Kelley Ayers]

I hate crying - nothing makes me feel worse. I don't look good or feel good when I do. As a young person through to my mid 30's I cried a lot if I got upset or emotional but I've learned to control it as I've matured. I have an emotional husband who cries at ads, movies & tv shows. I don't mind him expressing emotion that way although there is a part of me that thinks its not very masculine - probably a residual of my very traditional upbringing where men simply didn't cry at all.

[Darkhairblueeyes]

I saw my father cry when I was a child...he didnt cry very often...and usually at a funeral...or when someone got really bad news...or when he saw someone that he hadnt seen for a long time...but I never thought of that as a weakness...It made me think he was a caring person...that he cared deeply about people...but most of the time he was laughing...he was a very funny person and had a wonderful sense of humor. If I am profoundly hurt by something or someone...or overwhelmed by sadness or anger...I cry...but I try to find solitude and cry alone...but if a friend or sometimes even a stranger is in a heartwrenching situation or has just lost someone...or something of that sort...I cry with the person...and try my best to comfort them...it is more like a maternal instinct...to comfort someone when they are hurting and to genuinely feel their pain ...that is not weakness...that is compassion. Jesus was a man...and He was a very compassionate person...I never thought He was weak...in fact since the time I was a very young child I had always loved and admired who Jesus was (and is)...and I truly believe He was a real , living human being that walked this earth like you and I...and He was a very amazing, profound and remarkable person...and I remember even as a small child feeling a tremendous love in my heart for Him...and always felt that He was someone that I would truly want to know...and above all that He was also humble...I have a great deal of respect and admiration for Him.

[Suuse]

"Love when you can
Cry when you have to
Be who you must...."
--Danny Fogelberg

Pretty much how it works for me--although that wasn't always the case. I think there were a couple of decades where I didn't shed a tear, and then, one day, the flood gates opened. And I'm not self-conscious about it, either. Why? I feel--I express. It's all right to smile, to laugh--but it's not okay to cry? I don't buy it.

I am, however, with Felicia: holding back isn't a good thing. A good cry changes your body chemistry:

Biochemist William Frey has spent 15 years as head of a research team studying tears. The team found that, although tear production organs were once thought to be vestigial (left over from evolution) and no longer necessary for survival, tears actually have numerous critical functions.1

Emotional tears are a response which only humans have, for only people can weep. All animals that live in air produce tears to lubricate their eyes. But only people possess the marvellous system that causes crying.2

Tears are secreted by your lacrimals—tiny, sponge-like glands which rest above the eye against the eye socket. The average person blinks every two to ten seconds. With every blink, the eyelid carries this miracle fluid over your eye’s surface.

One of the most obvious functions of tears is to lubricate your eyeball and eyelid, but they also prevent dehydration of your various mucous membranes—and anyone with the ‘dry eye’ problem knows how painful this can be. A severe lack of this lubrication produces a condition requiring medication or therapy to save the victim’s eyesight. A thin layer of oil on the exposed eye reduces evaporation of tears, keeping eye tissue moist and soft.3 This oil is produced in your Meibomian glands located in the eyelids.

Another important function of tears is that they bathe your eyes in lysozyme, one of the most effective antibacterial and antiviral agents known. Lysozyme, from lysos, to split, and enzyme (it is an enzyme which chemically splits certain compounds) is the major source of the antigerm traits of tears. Amazingly, lysozyme inactivates 90 to 95 per cent of all bacteria in a mere five to 10 minutes.4 Without it, eye infections would soon cause most victims to go blind.

One amazing discovery is that tear production may actually be a way to aid a person to deal with emotional problems. This finding lends some basis to the expression, ‘To cry it out helps a person feel better.’ Scientific studies have found that after crying, people actually do feel better, both physically and physiologically—and they feel worse by suppressing their tears.

Not unexpectedly, those who suffer from the inherited disease familial dysautonomia not only cannot cry tears, but also have a very low ability to deal with stressful events.

At the St Paul Ramsey Medical Center in Minnesota, tears caused by simple irritants were compared to those brought on by emotion. Researcher William Frey found that stress-induced tears actually remove toxic ‘substances’ from the body. Volunteers were led to cry first from watching sad movies, and then from freshly cut onions. The researchers found that the tears from the movies, called emotional tears, contained far more toxic biological byproducts. Weeping, they concluded, is an excretory process which removes toxic substances that normally build up during emotional stress.

The simple act of crying also reduces the body’s manganese level, a mineral which affects mood and is found in up to 30 times greater concentration in tears than in blood serum. They also found that emotional tears contain 24 per cent higher albumin protein concentration than tears caused by eye irritants.

The researchers concluded that chemicals built up by the body during stress were removed by tears, which actually lowered stress. These include the endorphin leucine-enkephalin, which helps to control pain, and prolactin, a hormone which regulates milk production in mammals.

They found that one of the most important of those compounds which removed tears was adrenocorticotrophic hormone (ACTH), one of the best indicators of stress. Suppressing tears increases stress levels, and contributes to diseases aggravated by stress, such as high blood pressure, heart problems and peptic ulcers.





References
William Frey, Crying: The Mystery of Tears, Winston Press, Texas, 1977.
Gregg Levoy, ‘Tears that Speak’, Psychology Today, July–August, 1988, pp. 8, 10.
Lael Wertenbaker, The Eye: Window to the World, Torstar Books, New York, 1984.
Ashley Montagu, ‘The Evolution of Weeping’, Science Digest, November 1981, p. 32.

[Jillybean]

I am kind of like that. I wouldn't say I cry at the drop of a hat, but I cry for a lot of different reasons. I can cry when I'm extremely angry, I cry when I hear a very touching song (like Albinoni's addagio for strings that was the theme song in Platoon--something like that can get me every time....), I cry at sad scenes in movies, I cry when I'm feeling very emotionally hurt.... I've never worried very much about it, except when it comes on when I'm angry. Times when it hit during a big argument with my ex-husband, it was especially distressing, because it made it look like I was looking for sympathy, when actually, I was simply enraged. That's frustrating. But different people have different physical reactions to extreme stress. Mine seems to be crying.

[Jillybean]

Sometimes I cry because something makes me so unbelievably happy. I really will cry for any reason at all!

[Dazzling Zoomer Gal Diana]

Shakespeare wrote, "Tears water our growth". Grief is the price we pay for love, We also rejoice together in the truth that the only thing that lives forever, is love. "

[Chez moi]

Ohhhhh, yeah... so true.

[Abby]

Good group ladies, I am however a little offended over the discussion I added and have since deleted.
Please do not judge someone because of the groups one belongs to.
I am a well educated, and a life long learner of everything that interests me. Served 21.5 years in the NAVY, have a beautiful daughter (14 y/o). I never stop learning and cannot wait to fall in love again and grow old with him.
I was part of the old TBD 1st ever meet in Kansas City.
The friends I have (I have either met in person), or had lengthy conversations on the phone or via e-mails.
I do take things personally and, know when to bow out gracefully before letting someone have it.
If you are perfect, congratulations, if your married or dating life is perfect, congrats again, share your secrets. DON'T ever judge soemone until you know them.

Thanks, Abby

[Dazzling Zoomer Gal Diana]

Saaikatt's last two sentences are right on. {...} "instincts that kick it at the first contact often are...and sadly, appearances do count. Play in the drug talk, sex talk and teams that focus on having more than one mate at a time, its pretty hard to convince those not in the lifestyle to be a friend. Just how life is. {...}

And then every once in a while a brilliant player comes along (he never plays in the "bad groups" because he's smart enough to know how to have better fun in the "good groups" whilst getting his ideas from the bad groups;)) - and he had a "FANTASTIC" time until he was caught and called out. Hard. By several women. He was fun. But it was annoying to be tagged. Even for an instant. He - of course, reveled in it . I don't blame him! He was very skillful on most counts.

So many kinds. Each man with a maneuver or two. And yes. We gals each took our revenge. Each in our own way.

I'd best get the word CRY in here so it's relevant. he was the kind of man that could make a woman cry, whilst she maintained an arched eyebrow and a half smile. /,-> and I personally chuckled. Eventually.

Good men on line ( I suspect there are not that many on TBD ) know the odds that they are up against, and work differently. I've seen several relationships blossom. Some relationships died or petered out, others live, and one couple I know and adore are now married.

If we women give the shop away whilst the boys are listening - well that would be silly - now would it not? That's what PM's are for. One must be careful there, too.

Thanks Sassikatt . You are brand new here too, and I can see how you worked to do salvage. We will see if we can't get it sorted.

[Dazzling Zoomer Gal Diana]

Hi Abby. " Dazzy Dooh" here. I'm the group creator and leader and I'm glad you posted.
I'm sorry I could only respond once (thankfully first one to you - to welcome you this morning). If you have read my guidelines for this group, you will know that Chez Moi and Suuse are two of my Moderators/Administrators. I read their welcome to you - and their opinion , as I had publicly asked it of everyone, and we were three of mutual mind - as you know. It was noon EST - I had to then dash out the door. Whatever happened after 12 noon - is a story I'd like to hear from you - and from anyone else involved.

I would have liked to have turned your discussion around to TIPS on how to sport (oops I mean SPOT) a PLAYER - which would have saved face for all of us whilst supported you - and I suspect we would get some good results.

Abby - for my group - your discussion as you posted it would not have been successful. I'm all about success. Great idea - just needs a different application and a different perspective & presentation.

I'd like the opportunity to do this with you - hear your story, and put this to bed with dignity and with your discussion - up working with listing - for instance - characteristic of on line players. Of course all the boys will be reading along - and we will blow our own cover /;->

See what I mean? It's a tricky subject. You may remember - I backed Monk in the "player" thread in TBD FWO. And Susse was in it too. It was a good thread - and I think that's what you want again. Yes?

Sometimes - the timing isn't quite right. And then it is. Let's see if we can't mediate and make tacit amends and structure the discussion in such a manner that (like i just said ) - EVERY man on TBD will be reading it.

Revenge is a dish best tasted cold. /;->
PM Me.
Best,
Diana