TBD on Ning

Most of us have been alone for a while.  Some are thrilled, some are miserable, some are just resigned to the fact.  Who do you think does better alone?  Is it the guys or the gals?  What do you think makes the difference?

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Aww, come on! I bug you every other night or so. ;-)
But you are right, CL......you are better at this alone thing than I am. Maybe because when you did share your life......you did it right. Once. The way it should be. "Til death do us part". I never had that, so I still wish I had a partner I could look back on fondly and know I once was loved. It might make the "alone" easier now.

Could be.  I get melancholy now and then, but it never stops me from going out to eat, going to movies or traveling alone.

In my opinion I think it depends on the person and how they developed as social beings. Both my sons are single and the one with a mental illness has a very active social life with a strong circle of friends and the other one has a smaller circle and seems to spend a lot of time in bars. In my case, in my second marriage, although my husband had good household skills (I loved the times I'd come home from work and he'd cooked supper), as his COPD worsened, I realized that he'd never make it  alone. His death was one of the times that I had a concrete example of a prayer being answered. So after nine years of widowhood, I'm still doing well and struggling to keep busy. Every so often I remind both of my kids that I'll not be here forever and so they need to work on their problem solving skills and that includes being able to survive alone.    

I don't know who does better.....guys or gals, but as someone who has been single all of my life and have lived alone all my life, I can say that I've had a great life and have never at any time felt alone. I have noticed that some people who don't have a lot of friends, do feel alone...men or women. But those who have a good circle of friends who are active and do a lot of things.....they never seem to feel alone.  And keeping busy, doing things that you like to do is also a way of not feeling alone. Don''t stay in your house or apartment all day wondering what to do. There are millions of things out there to do. I can understand someone who lost a spouse or got divorced after many year of marriage, feeling alone. But time does not stand still....time marches on and so should your life.  You don't have to feel alone. You have control of your life, you can accept 'feeling alone' and do nothing and keep 'feeling alone. Or you can take life by the b_lls and yell............"I will never feel alone again"....................Just my opinion.

Well there's always the exception isn't there?

My first thought when I read this was - it depends on the individual, and I don't think it has anything to do with gender.  After reading the first response, I thought, it's true that women, in general, seem to have a wider support system for their emotional needs, but that IS a generalization, and even if we do, after we get past the initial shock, if you will, of living alone, I think things would equal out.

Whoever mentioned being an only child may have hit on something, though.  I was an only child until I was 7.5 years old and I learned, not only to amuse myself, but to enjoy times I was alone.  Having said that, though, I don't know that I am who I am because of that, or that was simply my nature to begin with.  I've lived alone for over 13.5 years now (with the exception of my dog/dogs), and I honestly don't know if I could learn to live with someone again.  I've spent the past couple of weeks with company in my home and as company in my mother's home, and I was so crabby in having to deal with another human being 24/7 for so long I couldn't stand it.  I was talking to a guy friend yesterday (who was widowed after 25 years and has been single for 5) and we were both talking about how hard it would be to adjust to someone else in our lives/homes. 

Don't get me wrong - I LIKE male company - I LOVE having someone to love.  I just don't like having someone to live with 24/7, and if I had to make a choice, I don't know that I'd choose to live with someone again.  I enjoy my space, I enjoy not having to compromise, I enjoy doing what I want when I want, and I don't miss having someone to cook me chicken soup when I'm sick.  I'd rather be alone when I'm sick and feeling miserable!  I do enjoy sharing special times, doing things together ... sometimes ... but it's not a necessity for me in the least.  I have gone on trips and cruises by myself and enjoyed them, some more than when I went with someone else, because I got to do and see what I wanted to do and see without any hassle.  On the other hand, I used to love traveling with my husband, but maybe that was because we were on the same page in what we wanted to see and do ...

Bottom line - I think it's an individual thing that has nothing whatsoever to do with gender.

I think the more financial resources and stability one has the better they adapt after a divorce or death of a loved one,




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