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Now when I look back I get sick, I mean deep down in my guts sick...and I say to myself..."Why wasn't my Mom there to take care of my little baby brother"...I was too young to act as his mother. I didn't understand scaring him was bad...I thought I was playing. Now all these years later, I blame myself for my brothers lifelong mental handicaps and I am heartbroken. I was only 9 years old. His crib was put into our room with me and another brother before he could even crawl. Sometimes the 3 of us would be locked in from the outside. .....Why do they keep putting my brother in jail? They have never mentally evaluated him. My brother has never been able to fit into society...Not everyone can..There are some that just do not fit..I never did...I fought my inner demons just to stay above board around people...somehow I made it, but it hasn't been easy. ......My homeless brother is facing four years because they can. He's being railroaded because he cant afford a lawyer. My brother has always refused help, refused to get social security...says he can do it alone, but he has a disorder he doesn't see..........There are a million different reasons why people become homeless....... and to the people who judge them......I will have to bite my tongue.......Society bites.

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Tags: Sorrow, anger, dissillusionment, suffering

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Comment by caseyjo on September 23, 2009 at 9:49pm
Thanks LG..I am always glad to see you.
Comment by caseyjo on September 14, 2009 at 6:53pm
I should have never made the statement that I feel responsible. I do to a certain degree, I mean I wish I could go back and change it, but I know I can't. It's not like I beat myself up about it....I just know the action could have seriously hurt the baby. Babies do not have the control to change their thoughts and Yes....If you put garbage and scary things into a babies mind, they grow up different and sometimes the mind of that infant cannot be reasoned with even after it grows up....The pain is too deep.

I don't happen to believe we choose our parents....As a matter of fact..I had a dream (or was it reality) that I was being sent off ( I was a baby) to another world to new parents (not my choice) because I had a message to send. I asked my real parents what that message was, & they told me I would know when I learned it. I also should not have said "my demons". That sounds like I had the devils doing in my head...which I totally do not believe. There are actions and there are thoughts. I absolutely have no control what another thinks or the actions they choose to make which could affect my thinking to some degree. If I have a inkling something might happen, I can possibly change the outcome by making the first move, but if I do not know and have no inkling someone could come into my house and kill me dead and no matter how much thinking I have done, there is no thinking myself out of this one, because I am dead.......cuputz

Anyway.....I totally believe the point of power is in the moment and thought is what I am basically. I can read in between the lines sometimes. I am one of the fortunate ones who is able to see the point of what you are talking about. I do not think my brother is capable of changing his thought patterns very much at all. He would read the above and say...what "what the heck, what does this mean"? I think everything that happened to him has been ingrained into his psyche to the point of no return. There is a definite difference in children brought up in nurturing homes and children who are not.....

I think I comprehend pretty well, so I have learned how to change thought patterns...Gawd...There are some who have many patterns, are able to change...go with the flow...and there are others who are steadfast in their thought patterns, who cannot read in between any lines and are destined to remain the same. It depends on how deep the brainwashing has gone...How deep the indoctrination.....

The point I was making was about the obviously ( according to society ) damaged people being railroaded into prisons because they do not have the ability (the brains) to fight back. There could be a easier softer road for these people, but it is up to people...such as myself to point that out.....and when it comes to thought....Is it original thought that comes to mind Or the previous thoughts of others that we use? I know when your a baby all thought is new, but we are taught by our parents.
Comment by ozzieowl on September 14, 2009 at 3:28pm
For every action there is a re-action, similar to the example of throwing a pebble into the middle
of a placid lake - there will be circles of motion from the entry point that spread out into
even larger circles.
And so with the mind - if we put garbage in, then we get garbage out.
Louise L. Hay - a very well known healer, has explained in her book `You Can Heal Your Life'
has this to say;

*** I believe that we choose our parents. Each one of us decides to incarnate upon this planet
at particular points in time and space. We have chosen to come here to learn a
particular lesson that will advance us upon our spiritual, evolutionary pathway.
We choose our sex, our color, our country and then we look around for the
particular set of parents who will mirror the pattern we are bringing in to work on
in this lifetime.
Then when we grow up, we usually point our fingers accusingly at our parents and whimper,
"You did it to me."
But really, we chose them because they were perfect for what we wanted to work on overcoming.
We learn our belief systems as very little children,
and then we move through life creating experiences to match our beliefs.
Look back in your own life and notice how often you have gone through the same experience.
Well I believe you created those experiences over and over because they mirrored something
you believed about yourself.
It doesn't really matter how long we have had a problem, or how big it is,
or how life-threatening it is.

The Point of Power is Always in the Present Moment
All the events you have experienced in your lifetime up to this moment
have been created by your thoughts and beliefs you have held in the past.
They were created by the thoughts and words you used yesterday,
last week, last month, last year, 10, 20, 30, 40 or more years ago,
depending on how old you are.
However this is your past. It is over and done with.
What is important in this moment is what you are choosing to think and believe and say right now.
For those thoughts and words will create your future.
Your point of power is in this present moment and is forming the experiences of tomorrow,
next week, next month, next year , etc.
You might notice what thought you are thinking at this moment.
Is it negative or positive?
Do you want this thought to be creating your future? Just notice and be aware.

The Only Thing We are Ever Dealing With is a Thought,
and a Thought Can Be Changed
No matter what the problem is, our experiences are just outer effects of inner thoughts.
Even self-hatred is only hating a thought you have about yourself.
You have a thought that says, "I'm a bad person."
This thought produces a feeling, and you buy into the feeling.
However, if you don't have the thought, you won't have the feeling.
And thoughts can be changed. Change the thought, and the feeling must go.
This is only to show us where we get many of our beliefs.
But let us not use this information as an excuse to stay stuck in our pain.
The past has no power over us.
It doesn't matter how long we have had a negative pattern.
The point of power is in the present moment. What a wonderful thing to realize!
We can begin to be free in this moment.

Believe It or Not, We Do Choose our Thoughts
We may habitually think the same thought over and over so that it does not seem
we are choosing the thought. But we did make the original choice.
We can refuse to think certain thoughts.
Look how often you have refused to think a positive thought about yourself.
Well, you can also refuse to think a negative thought about yourself.
It seems to me that everyone on this planet who I know or have worked with
is suffering from self-hatred and guilt to one degree or another.
The more self-hatred and guilt we have, the less our life works.
The less self-hatred and guilt we have, the better our lives work, on all levels. ***

Now caseyjo, whether or not you choose to take a look at this, is of course,
totally up to yourself...and I genuinely hope you may get something out of it -
I did, over 25 years ago, and I know it has changed my life - for the better.
And just remember, if there is no one around when you feel like a hug,
you can go right on ahead and give yourself a big hug,
if we have no love for ourselves, then it stands to reason that we
don't have any love to give away to anyone else.
Comment by caseyjo on September 14, 2009 at 9:43am
Thanks everyone for your kind words... My Mother was High Strung...That's what they called whatever her disorder was back in the old days. I believe genetics may play a role, but I also believe being brought up by people with mental disorders plays a bigger role. I believe our brains develop according to the input going into them, so I do wonder which one plays a bigger role....infancy bonding, or genetics? My mother was brought up by a bad alcoholic, and we were brought up by a neurotic person.

Partial reasons for the ache in my gut for all these people is the way society judges them.....People who can never know what growing up is like for some children. As a baby my brother used to rock at night and bump his head against his crib until he developed two big knots on the back of his head. I blame a lot of this on improper parental bonding. I have done some reading on mental disorders and it seems some children which have not bonded well (or at all) can even kill without remorse. There have been studies done in orphanages that talk about the mental disorders these Children have when they grow up. I think modern orphanages know this and today children are nurtured.

My huge question here: Does love cause the genes to develop in a certain way? if so , then lack of love could make the genes of a baby react in a different way? Change the structure or whatever it is Doctors go by when they look at these genes. Love is so important in infancy. It is so unfair that people who have these disorders....( what I see constitutes a disorder in the first place is a general consensus on how a person should behave in society ) are ridiculed and placed in jails, institutions, & electric chairs. I am glad they did away with lobotomies..... Education is the most important thing our society has to offer....I only wish peoples views on mental illness would change, but I am getting to the point (through frustration)...I could care less anymore........ People can be worse than rattle snakes.
Comment by Whiny Old Bastard on September 14, 2009 at 6:44am
I think that you are giving yourself way to much credit for what has happened. All my brothers and sisters would be basket cases if scaring them when they were young was all that harmful. I was the oldest and I loved scaring my little brothers and sisters. They are mostly ok.
Comment by ozzieowl on September 14, 2009 at 1:50am
Dearest caseyjo....I haven't got any magic answers for you, but I certainly can identify with your early
childhood mishandling - but we need to understand that....`they' our parents, a great deal of them,
themselves were never educated in the way we raise our children.
I truly feel for you and your brother, but you absolutely must forgive yourself for those silly
mischievous childhood pranks that can be played out, you yourself was way to young to
understand about things, especially sibling rivalry and jealousy etc - it's pretty well
documented these days with good information on how to tackle these things.
We must practise re-training our thought patterns....don't allow them to continue
once your realize they are starting again, you must quickly reassure yourself that
you are not that little girl now, and I am sure you are a great support for you
brother these years, although you cannot be held responsible for what his life
maybe now. Have you ever stopped to think that sometimes we inherit medical
problems or handicaps that are handed down to us through family genetics.....
Try to understand also, that you cannot help anyone else unless you have
attended to your own needs first - you are a Child of God, therefore, your are much loved.

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