TBD on Ning
My daughter's advice to guys trying to find a girl
I was cleaning up an old PC that was in the family so my mother would be able to send and receive e-mails from me when I discovered the following that my daughter had posted to her facebook account. Although I don't agree with everything she has to say, I enjoyed her blog and decided to share it with my cyber friends on TBD (I had earlier shared a blog my son had posted so now I have treated them both the same).
First, a little bit of background about my daughter. While her older brother spent his days in the gifted classes, never cracked a book (and still made A's and B's) until Grad School, My daughter struggled with schoolwork from the beginning. By the 3rd grade the public school system teachers told us she was falling through the cracks. She was not quite bad enough on tests to be put in Special Ed classes, but they did not have the time to work with her to be successful enough to get average grades. We were encouraged to get her tutoring help. We hired tutors to help her, but by the 5th grade it was clear that she would never make it in middle school. So after checking around we found a local school that had a good record with kids with learning disabilities. She did much better, but still ending up repeating the 5th grade. By the time she was in the 10th grade she was the only girl in her class (a much greater % of boys than girls have learning disabilities). She wanted to change schools, so we agreed to research the options. After narrowing the choices down to 2 schools we found out that both would require a psychological evaluation. At the end of the evaluation we met with the Psychologist. He said that, yes she did have learning problems and would send his report to the schools. Then he said something that I had not thought of before. He said that she would probably never be able to get in to college. My reaction was that what was really important to me, and mattered to me, was that she would find a life of happiness. A few days later we were talking and the subject of college came up (from her). I know that in many cases happiness is about expectations so in an attempt to lower hers I said “Honey you know, a lot of people end up deciding not to go to college”. Her immediate response was “Dad, I think people can do what they decide they want to do”. This summer she will finish up her 2 year Masters degree in Art Therapy. One other bit of context, my daughter has always been very popular in school with both sexes. Not only is she very attractive, she is a good listener with a very sweet demeanor (and one of the most hard-headed people I have ever met). A few years back she was in a very bad auto accident. As she laid in intensive care, 4 or 5 of her classmates called and told me the she was their best friend. Yes, I am a very proud dad.
Do's and Don’ts for the Fellas - 101
1. Most Girls do not like Assholes. They like confidence, but unfortunately so many damn assholes have confidence. So the girl is attracted. In the end though the smart girls don’t put up with Assholes.
2. Confidence does not mean acting like you are the shit and you are above everyone else. It doesn’t mean thinking you can get anything with two legs. To me this expresses insecurity. Confidence is about feeling good about who you are in a non-narcissistic fashion.
3. “Nice guys finish last only with girls that are not worth their time.” It’s true to some degree. Nice guys do get girls. Guys that are too nice though can finish last, but that’s because they are overly nice and don’t ever stand up to the girl. If we can have a guy jump through hoops... trust me we will take advantage of that. A girl wants a guy that has balls and their own opinion. So grow some and you will be just fine.
4. Standing up to a girl doesn’t mean you have to be a macho pig. Show respect, but let her know what you think. We don’t want to date a robot that agrees with everything we say. We don’t want to feel like you are our puppy or little boy. We want to feel as if we are dating a good guy with some of his own beliefs and are not afraid to express them in a respectable way.
5. For God sakes... If you are annoyed with something and it really pisses you off or hurts you then say it. Don’t wait... That just makes you angrier and then later on you will blow up at her for something that probably has nothing to do with the thing you are actually mad at. If you are with a mature girl then she will be able to talk about it with you.
6. Playing hard to get. If you want to show a girl you like her give her small signs at first and see how she reacts. Even if the girl does dig you in the first week or so, she might get freaked out if she knows she can have you that easy. Plus you don’t want to start stalking. Play a little hard to get. But don’t play too hard cause then you will lose her.
7. If you have a negative opinion of women and feel like they are all bitches... then you have a problem. You... It’s not all the women in the world that have the issue... It’s the women who YOU are attracting or the woman YOU are pursuing. Key Word: YOU.
8. If you want a nice, classy girl, then don’t go looking for some prostitute. It’s simple. Nice girls exist if you know where to look.
9. Girls love a funny guy. If you are naturally unfunny don’t try because that’s worse. If you are funny, then don’t be afraid to make a girl laugh. Laughter is such a turn on.
10. Girls think guys are horn dogs because they are! LoL. Don’t act like you don’t think about sex. Girls are smarter than that.
11. Desperate is NOT sexy. Even if you are desperate keep it on the down low.
12. Don’t stay with a girl because you are afraid of breaking up with them. I know girls are scary, but it’s better off. Again, grow some balls.
13. If you are a guy who is really Horney and just want to screw or have a one night stand. Try going for girls you can actually get in bed. Aka girls grinding their VJJ or boobs on other people. They are either a tease or they will give you some. Why are you going to go for the conservative one in the corner for sex?
14. If you are going to go for the conservative one in the corner or someone that is decent and you actually are interested in them then pick up on the signs If she is looking around the room and gazing off when you are speaking to her then she is either has ADHD or is not interested. She probably wants something else.
15. If she is interested then keep her attention. Ask her some damn questions about herself. Good ones, so she knows you care. And don’t just stare down at her boobs. Like the movie HITCH. Actually listen to what she has to say and respond.
16. WATCH the Movie Hitch. It’s good!
17. Don’t f*ck with girls and play with our heads. That’s our job... LoL jk it’s just not cool. Sadly if you continue lying and messing with us.. Trust me we WILL find out. And you will be on the curb.
18. If you play Games then we may play them even harder. Or we will kick you to the curb.
19. If you know a girl’s turn-on then USE it. Keep a mental note and don’t let it out of your sight.
20. Most girls love romance... Romance does not mean you have to put a hole in you’re wallet, unless you are dating a gold digger. In that case you better be rich. Girls love candles. Tea lite candles are so cheap... so buy some and use them. Cooking is always good. Spontaneity is always wonderful as well.
First, a little bit of background about my daughter. While her older brother spent his days in the gifted classes, never cracked a book (and still made A's and B's) until Grad School, My daughter struggled with schoolwork from the beginning. By the 3rd grade the public school system teachers told us she was falling through the cracks. She was not quite bad enough on tests to be put in Special Ed classes, but they did not have the time to work with her to be successful enough to get average grades. We were encouraged to get her tutoring help. We hired tutors to help her, but by the 5th grade it was clear that she would never make it in middle school. So after checking around we found a local school that had a good record with kids with learning disabilities. She did much better, but still ending up repeating the 5th grade. By the time she was in the 10th grade she was the only girl in her class (a much greater % of boys than girls have learning disabilities). She wanted to change schools, so we agreed to research the options. After narrowing the choices down to 2 schools we found out that both would require a psychological evaluation. At the end of the evaluation we met with the Psychologist. He said that, yes she did have learning problems and would send his report to the schools. Then he said something that I had not thought of before. He said that she would probably never be able to get in to college. My reaction was that what was really important to me, and mattered to me, was that she would find a life of happiness. A few days later we were talking and the subject of college came up (from her). I know that in many cases happiness is about expectations so in an attempt to lower hers I said “Honey you know, a lot of people end up deciding not to go to college”. Her immediate response was “Dad, I think people can do what they decide they want to do”. This summer she will finish up her 2 year Masters degree in Art Therapy. One other bit of context, my daughter has always been very popular in school with both sexes. Not only is she very attractive, she is a good listener with a very sweet demeanor (and one of the most hard-headed people I have ever met). A few years back she was in a very bad auto accident. As she laid in intensive care, 4 or 5 of her classmates called and told me the she was their best friend. Yes, I am a very proud dad.
Do's and Don’ts for the Fellas - 101
1. Most Girls do not like Assholes. They like confidence, but unfortunately so many damn assholes have confidence. So the girl is attracted. In the end though the smart girls don’t put up with Assholes.
2. Confidence does not mean acting like you are the shit and you are above everyone else. It doesn’t mean thinking you can get anything with two legs. To me this expresses insecurity. Confidence is about feeling good about who you are in a non-narcissistic fashion.
3. “Nice guys finish last only with girls that are not worth their time.” It’s true to some degree. Nice guys do get girls. Guys that are too nice though can finish last, but that’s because they are overly nice and don’t ever stand up to the girl. If we can have a guy jump through hoops... trust me we will take advantage of that. A girl wants a guy that has balls and their own opinion. So grow some and you will be just fine.
4. Standing up to a girl doesn’t mean you have to be a macho pig. Show respect, but let her know what you think. We don’t want to date a robot that agrees with everything we say. We don’t want to feel like you are our puppy or little boy. We want to feel as if we are dating a good guy with some of his own beliefs and are not afraid to express them in a respectable way.
5. For God sakes... If you are annoyed with something and it really pisses you off or hurts you then say it. Don’t wait... That just makes you angrier and then later on you will blow up at her for something that probably has nothing to do with the thing you are actually mad at. If you are with a mature girl then she will be able to talk about it with you.
6. Playing hard to get. If you want to show a girl you like her give her small signs at first and see how she reacts. Even if the girl does dig you in the first week or so, she might get freaked out if she knows she can have you that easy. Plus you don’t want to start stalking. Play a little hard to get. But don’t play too hard cause then you will lose her.
7. If you have a negative opinion of women and feel like they are all bitches... then you have a problem. You... It’s not all the women in the world that have the issue... It’s the women who YOU are attracting or the woman YOU are pursuing. Key Word: YOU.
8. If you want a nice, classy girl, then don’t go looking for some prostitute. It’s simple. Nice girls exist if you know where to look.
9. Girls love a funny guy. If you are naturally unfunny don’t try because that’s worse. If you are funny, then don’t be afraid to make a girl laugh. Laughter is such a turn on.
10. Girls think guys are horn dogs because they are! LoL. Don’t act like you don’t think about sex. Girls are smarter than that.
11. Desperate is NOT sexy. Even if you are desperate keep it on the down low.
12. Don’t stay with a girl because you are afraid of breaking up with them. I know girls are scary, but it’s better off. Again, grow some balls.
13. If you are a guy who is really Horney and just want to screw or have a one night stand. Try going for girls you can actually get in bed. Aka girls grinding their VJJ or boobs on other people. They are either a tease or they will give you some. Why are you going to go for the conservative one in the corner for sex?
14. If you are going to go for the conservative one in the corner or someone that is decent and you actually are interested in them then pick up on the signs If she is looking around the room and gazing off when you are speaking to her then she is either has ADHD or is not interested. She probably wants something else.
15. If she is interested then keep her attention. Ask her some damn questions about herself. Good ones, so she knows you care. And don’t just stare down at her boobs. Like the movie HITCH. Actually listen to what she has to say and respond.
16. WATCH the Movie Hitch. It’s good!
17. Don’t f*ck with girls and play with our heads. That’s our job... LoL jk it’s just not cool. Sadly if you continue lying and messing with us.. Trust me we WILL find out. And you will be on the curb.
18. If you play Games then we may play them even harder. Or we will kick you to the curb.
19. If you know a girl’s turn-on then USE it. Keep a mental note and don’t let it out of your sight.
20. Most girls love romance... Romance does not mean you have to put a hole in you’re wallet, unless you are dating a gold digger. In that case you better be rich. Girls love candles. Tea lite candles are so cheap... so buy some and use them. Cooking is always good. Spontaneity is always wonderful as well.
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Comment by OCNaturalDoc on January 20, 2010 at 4:03pm
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looks like she has 20 chapters to a book she could write.
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