A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool… After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly,…Continue
Started by Jozee. Last reply by PartTimeBrewer May 18, 2021.
DEFINE EMBARRASSMENT:You take your 96 year old father who you're taking care of in his senior years to yet another doctors appointment.Your first thoughts are, with this pandemic going on, I'm…Continue
Started by Grandma Helen. Last reply by Jozee Apr 24, 2021.
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THINGS I LEARNED LIVING IN THE SOUTH.
1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.
3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before.
4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.
5. Onced and Twiced are words.
6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!
7. Jawl-P? means: Did you all go to the bathroom?
8. People actually grow, eat and like okra.
9. Fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do something.
10. Proper meals are breakfast, lunch and supper. Dinner is a fancy meal at a restaurant that uses cloth napkins.
11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South.
12. Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.
13. The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?'
14. You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.
16. Y'all is singular. All Y'all is plural.
17. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.
18. You carry jumper cables in your car for your OWN car.
19. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, ketchup and picante sauce.
20. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, the motor sports, and gossip.
21. Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss (first name) or Mr (first name)
22. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
23. You know what a hissy fit is..
24. Fried catfish is the other white meat.
25. We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!!
26. You understand these jokes and forward them to your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the SOUTH.
AND one more:
27. Why did the chicken cross the road? To show that stupid possum that it CAN be done!
JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby
sister.
After a while he asked: "Mom, why have you got two? Is one for hot
and one for cold milk?"
As it happened, their wedding night fell during a religious
holiday, and, devout Episcopalian that he was, Mr. Rogers
simply couldn't make love to his virginal bride.
"I'm sorry," he said as they snuggled in bed, "but I can't have
you tonight. It's Lent."
Her brow crinkling with concern, his new bride said, "Okay,
but to whom and for how long?"
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