Dear Self

[SeaRain]

Maricel suggested this from an article she read in RAW. I talk to myself all the time - maybe if I typed to myself it would be more effective. I would also like feedback - anything from You f***ing idiot, what were you thinking, to You go Girl! I will start in the next post.

peace

SeaRain

[SeaRain]

Dear SeaRain: You talk to yourself all the time, and talk out issues. But a new issue has dawned on you. You are too passive in relationships. You always put the other person first, with the hopes that the other person will then put you first. It doesn't work that way. Now that you are alone, you can look back on your ex boyfriend(s) and ex husband(s) and see that you didn't get what you wanted because you worked hard getting them what they wanted. Great on paper, not necessarily in real life. Now that you have reached an age and a physical disability status that you cannot have what you wanted (to those reading this: I didn't wanted to get married 1st time and 2nd time, I just thought I should because I didn't kow how to say no and also because other people thought I should). You tried, SeaRain, you really did try to get what you wanted: an education, and living in that type of community, but you gave in to your husbands.

Now, you don't want to move to the atmosphere (college campus in a small town) because that would mean leaving your family. So what are you going to do? Can't work. Can and do volunteer. And are terribly lonely without someone to talk to. Want a friend, but not one with benefits.

And SeaRain, maybe volunteer someplace that is close to what you wanted in your life - on campus, so that you can be near the educated and in the education atmosphere. Well friends, any ideas?

thank you, and peace ~ SeaRain

[Golanv]

Hi Sea Rain ~ I talk to myself a lot too, and I also type to myself. ;) I seem to be in a similar situation and I say, "You go, Girl!" Sounds like you've got it figured out. I have already moved to the college town and have met a couple of good friends with no benefits expected. I think it helps that I play music and meet people that way. But I have been thinking of doing a similar thing as you. I really like the atmosphere in a college town and even though I'm old enough to be grandmother or mother to most of the peeps there, I am thinking of auditing a class in Art, the subject I got my BFA in, then take one for credit and eventually finish my master's degree that I quit on when I got married. I figure, what the hell... I just turned 55 but I'm still very much alive and a class would get me started painting again. Hopefully I will be able to teach some private lessons too and make a few bucks at it. I always put myself last in my marriage and my past relationships, but I am learning to change that. I miss my family, but I got one rate long distance so I can talk to them a lot and I can be at my Mom's after a 4 hour drive, my Dad's in 6. I am loving living with only my cat though it took some adjusting before I was comfortable being totally alone. Now I am having fun fixing up my new place. I wish you much happiness and success in whatever you decide to do too. Peace be with you. ~ Golanv

[SeaRain]

You can get your Master's degree, and then teach. Go for it! I wouldn't even start with auditing. I got my BBA and MBA in my 40's when I finally said "I am starting college tomorrow." Ha! The response was "I am smarter than you, I should be going to college instead." to which I responded "Good - we'll go together" - and of course we didn't. He makes more money than I ever will and that pisses me off, but that is the road I chose. Now if I can just win my disability case, I'll have money and come visit YOU!

peace

SeaRain

[Golanv]

Wow. I can't believe I'm just now reading this and the leaf season is definitely gone for this year. We have about 11 inches of snow here tonight. SeaRain ~ I would LOVE to see you in the mountains, whenever you get a chance. And thank you for the advice. Auditing doesn't make sense. I am living again in the place I started my MFA so all I have to do is take it for credit here at UNCA. I hope you have gotten good news by now. Peace...

[SeaRain]

I agree, it is just hard to find the reason something happened. And I do respond to myself. Better than keeping it in the head. THAT leads to much confusion and overcrowding up there. lmfao :-} thanks.

peace

SeaRain

[Maricel Evasco]

Dear Maricel:
I know you are awfully worried how you would manage to finance both your kids college education alone, but don't worry because God will provide. God always did. Also, don't be disappointed that your daughter doesn't want to show some sense by wanting to go to your alma mater and receive a top notch education. She has to make her own decisions and mistakes. You can't make them for her even if deep down you want to connive to get her to see your way.

Also, Maricel...I know you're frustrated that your not yet EX is making it difficult for you and him to divorce even after 11 yrs of separation. You ought to kick him to the curb and get off your lazy ass and do the paperwork yourself. Didn't your mom say she'd help finance the divorce. What is your problem Maricel! I feel like slappin' you in the head.

And oh, about that fortune teller....don't get your hopes too high on the multiple male involvement she seems to see in your not so distant future. You're psychic yourself. Trust your own abilities! They exist even if you've denied them for so long. Why else would you have been so drawn to the occult even as a little girl. Remember, you used to be fascinated gazing into candles, playing w/your knit magic, and stuff. Your favorite book was The Little Witch.

Maricel, I also think you are spending too much time on TBD. Get out more and smell the roses.

Love,
Yourself