wahhhh wahhh wahhhh my little delinquents are traumatized

[ProblemAgain]

NY man who says 4 kids vandalized home is charged

Associated Press – 5 hrs ago

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CLYDE, N.Y. (AP) — A man who says he caught four boys vandalizing his father-in-law's home has been charged with child endangerment after corralling them in a closet until police arrived.

Jesse Daniels was arraigned on four counts of endangering the welfare of a child after authorities say he interrupted the vandalism at the empty home in the Wayne County village of Clyde, midway between Rochester and Syracuse.

Daniels, 53, told WHAM-TV in Rochester that he heard pounding coming from the home next door the night of June 8. The house is empty while Daniels renovates it for his father-in-law.

Daniels said he went to investigate while his wife called 911. He said he found four boys, ages 8 and 10, inside with hammers. He took a hammer from one, then stuck the boys in a closet until officers arrived, he said.

"I was fortunate that they were in that room that had a closet, so I put them in the closet," he said. "I said, 'Listen, you guys are staying here until the police come, period.'"

Their parents said Daniels handled the boys roughly and threatened them with the hammer.

The damage to the home included holes in the walls, broken windows and graffiti derogatory to women spray-painted on walls. Daniels estimated that the damage to his father-in-law's property exceeds $40,000.

He said he believed the boys committed the vandalism in retaliation for Daniels' wife telling them earlier in the day to stay off the couple's property.

The boys have been charged with burglary and criminal mischief. Their cases are being handled in Wayne County Family Court.

Paul Bowler, the father of two of the boys, told the station that there are no excuses for his sons' actions.

"I understand they were in the wrong, but there are other ways to handle it," he said. "He (Daniels) knew who the kids were. It's not like they were strangers. And send the kids home and call the cops then. You don't sit there and torment them and tell them you're going to bash their skulls in with a hammer."

Bowler said Daniels grabbed the neck of one of his sons and left a mark. He said that his boys are traumatized and that Daniels should have faced more charges.

Daniels counters that he was just trying to protect his family.

Daniels is due back in court later this month. It wasn't immediately clear if he has a lawyer.

Wayne County District Attorney Richard Healy told the station that the incident is still under investigation.

[Karin M Fichtner]

My friend's granddaughter started getting into trouble when she was around 6.  She took a scissors and intentionally cut a classmate's finger.  She caused so many headaches, they took her out of public school and put her into a religious private school.  One year was all they could take of her; they asked her mother not to bring her back.  When she was 7, she threatened her mother with a knife.  I was there when she told her mother she had swallowed her grandmother's meds, and so they rushed her to the hospital to get her stomach pumped.....only to find out there were no pills in her system; she had flushed the meds down the toilet.  I was also there when she sneaked into the bedroom where my husband and I were sleeping.....crawled behind the headboard, and sat there eating ice cream she had taken from the freezer.  She heard us calling her, and even knew her mother was outside in her pjs looking for her.  When my husband found her, it was discovered that she had done this many times, as there were remnants of the other snacks she'd brought with her.  I must add here that normally this is her mother's bedroom, where she used to bring her boyfriend.  Who knows how many times her daughter was under the bed when they were "together"?  If she didn't get her way, she'd sit in a chair and let loose such bloody screams, the neighbors called the cops, because they thought there was child abuse involved.  My friend and her family were kicked out of two apartments because the girl started fires.  Over and over authorities were called.  Over and over they made excuses for her.  Over and over she was sent from one agency to another.  Group meetings were held at their home with several "experts" trying to decide how best to handle it.  Several times she left school in the middle of the day and disappeared. Once she stole her mom's car and went out at 1 a.m.  No charges were filed.  It culminated with her and another girl burning down a 16-unit apartment building.....killing several pets, but fortunately, no people.  Finally......2 months before her 18th birthday, she set fire to the room her mother was sleeping in.  They threw the book at her, and she was put in detention, until she turned 18......and then served 4 years in the women's prison in upper Wisconsin.  So far, since she got out, she's stayed out of trouble. 

I can't help but wonder if ......had they been able to treat her like the juvenile delinquent she was.....instead of surrounding her with counselors and babysitters......they might not have stopped her behavior much earlier.  I don't believe in a "Bad Seed", but she made me think twice about it.  I know her mother made some mistakes.  But they included both my friend and her daughter (the mom) in the group counseling......and never came to any conclusion about how best to handle it.....or even what was causing it.  To this day......I wouldn't stay overnight in a house she was in. 

[Mickchick]

My cousin's youngest daughter (raised in a middle class home with a stay at home mom and the other two kids turned out fine) was getting into serious trouble by the time she was 12.  Unlike some parents, my cousin, in addition to seeking psychiatric help, DID call the police, DID press charges, DID follow through with court proceedings.  She and her husband went so far as to turn custody over to the State when nothing else had worked so they could put her in a group home.  She was diagnosed, somewhere along the line, with Oppositional Defiance Disorder.  My cousin said the worst words she has ever heard were from the police calling to say "we've got your daughter" and she heard those words more times than she cared to remember.  Her daughter got pregnant when she was 16 or 17, and then got married, but the marriage didn't last, and she and HER daughter (who is now 13) are living with my cousin. The most that can be said about her now is that she is a fairly decent mother (not abusive in any way), has a job of sorts, and she hasn't been involved in any criminal activity in years, but ... god knows what she'd be doing if my cousin kicked her out.  My cousin said people have told her to do that and use "tough love", but she fears for her granddaughter and what chance she would have in life if she did do that.

Children like these make me thankful I never had kids!

[Karin M Fichtner]

Oppositional Defiance Disorder??  What desk drawer did they pull that one out of??  Is that a fancy way of saying she's a total brat? 

You know.....it's a shame about my friend's granddaughter.  She is so very smart.  Really.  In a devious, Professor Moriarty sort of way.  The screaming thing, for instance.  And the lying about the pills (I doubt she knew they'd pump her stomach, though!).  The one that got me was, when her mom went back to school (Marquette University) to try to make something of herself......Amanda would keep track of when her mom would be in class.  That's when Amanda would cut out of school.....forcing her mom to leave class in the middle and go to school and start looking for her daughter.  She never did get to finish school.  I don't know why she hated her mother so much, but she sure did.  Cyndi was a typical too-young single mom, but not a bad person.  And my friend was always there when mom wasn't. 

On the reverse side of that.....I have granddaughter #3, who just happens to also be named Amanda.....who was raised by a single mom who worked second shift, and would bounce her from babysitter to babysitter.  She, however, loves her mom dearly and, other than the fact that she wasn't a stellar student.....she turned out to be a sweet, loving, generous, respectful young lady. 

So .....all those so-called "experts" who criticized Cyndi and my friend for not being good enough parents.........put that in your pipe and smoke it! 

[flippr 2.0]

[Mickchick]

I agree with you on everything you said!  The Oppositional Defiance Disorder diagnosis (which is a recognized "disease" in the Psych Manual!) - my reaction was, are you KIDDING me?  We used to call that being a brat who deserved a quick paddling!  My cousin did all the usual parental stuff of restricting her, more chores, spankings, whatever - she climbed out the second story bedroom window and took her parent's car before she knew how to drive - the cops pulled her over because they thought she was drunk!  Like my cousin said - we had to sleep SOMETIME!  When my cousin would lay down rules, she would tell her that she'd get out somehow and she'd rob somebody.  My cousin believed her - they pressed charges every time she broke the law.  The juvie court would just put her on probation at home.  Finally she gave custody to the State and they sent her to Wilderness Camp where she did well - her favorite activity was walking backward on a log while blindfolded -said it was the only thing that made her FEEL any emotion!   My cousin was called to the hospital once when she was 16 - her daughter was unconscious, covered with a sheet under which she was naked, and some guy my cousin had never met was with her and said they were "f***ing" when all of the sudden she passed out... apparently she had a quantity of drugs in her system.  And, like I said, my cousin was a stay at home mom who was always there for her kids, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, doesn't run around.  Her husband worked for AT&T and was home every night with the kids.  Nice house in a nice neighborhood out in a nice subdivision in a fairly rural area that was supposed to be a good place to raise kids... They didn't let her get away with squat, and were tearing their hair out over what to do.  I guess my cousin figures with her daughter's track record, that she is doing well by not being arrested or carrying on criminal activity, but you talk to the granddaughter and she'll tell you "My mom is lazy - she's sleeping again".  I don't know - just glad it's not MY problem!  One of the guys I've met down here is a black dude, born in Nigeria, raised by a crack addict mom, no dad, and he got a scholarship to college, graduated, is making a living as a poet, and has started a charitable foundation in his late brother's name (his brother died at the age of 16 from leukemia when Rod was 13), and donates the money the foundation makes to other charities as his way of giving back to the community for what he has been given.  So, no, don't try to tell ME it's the parent's fault.  At some point, we all make choices in life.  I tend to feel like Frenchy does - maybe there really is something like a "bad seed" or something that doesn't connect right in the brain ... but that doesn't mean the rest of society should have to suffer from that person's antics...

I think blaming

[Lifesighs]

It sounds like this girl is a sociopath, I don't think they have a cure for that. She is probably still doing things however has learned in prison how to not get caught.

[frenchy]

my ex wifes daugher was like that .. she is a sociopath for sure and the reason i finally left .. if i typed in here the things she did i'd be here all day . but every week it was somethin else and her mom was so protective of her and was always on her side .. no matter what .. and everytime somethin else happened i'd say somethin and her mom would say you're just pickin on her ( which was not true ) and she wouldn't believe me .. till she found out what i was sayin was true but the next time she still wouldn't believe me.. i got to the point of askin when do i get some kinda credibility .. 101 times i say she's done this or that and you say no she told me she didn't do it and you believe her every time and not me , and yet i've never lied to you once .. and when you find out i'm right you say you're gonna do somethin and then there are never any consequences for anything she does ?? i finally told her ok here's the consequence , i'm leavin .. you deal with her yourself .. i'm done .. i still talk to my ex from time to time but she don't tell me too much about her daughter .. what i do know is she's stolen her credit card about three times that i know of and charged up thousands of dollars each time .. the last time i think it was 8 grand yet her mom refuses to say i didn't make those charges for fear they'll find out it was her daughter so she just pays them . she had a boyfriend who actually tried to murder her .. no lie .. and the thing was in a way i don't blame the guy .. but i kinda felt gee i lived with her since she was 5 years old till she was 15 and i never murdered her .. why does he get the right to murder her before i do ?? anyway , i think its true , some kids are just bad kids .. its not the parents fault .. but and here's the big butt .. i think as parents you have to put some kind of consequences on their errant behavior or they learn nothin from their mistakes .. and because i was just the wicked stepdad because i wanted to punish her for lyin and stealin and almost settin the house on fire and that sort of thing i was told to but out i wasn't her father .. so i did but out .. so far out i moved out .. not my problem anymore .. my ex knows i'm right now .. too bad she didn't wanna hear it then ..     

[blithe spirit]

I come from a big family, 4 siblings...and although we all have a similar frame of reference within the family....we are very different. I do think there is a genetic component to personality and how how we interact in the world...and then what happens to us along the way...its a big mix. 

I have lots of cousins and it's always facinating to meet these folks that share a lot of my DNA. Definitely, similarities but quite different.

As a teacher at the same school, I have taught siblings many times and they are always different...for sure not cookie cutter kids. They all have to know boundaries and expectations and security. I'm not a parent...I can't imagine how awful it would be to have one of your children jump the rail. All kids have to experience the consequences of their choices...and hopefully they live long enough to learn those lessons.