TBD on Ning
Ode Too The Lawn Mower
"Do You Keep Your Mower Up"
Poor lawnmower catches a lot of unnecessary grief
I could put off the dreaded task no longer. With the grass in the backyard tickling my shins, it was time to crank — or try to crank — the lawnmower.
After a long winter’s nap, a well maintained lawnmower will fire up and purr like a European sports car with just a tug or two on the pull cord, emitting no noxious blue smoke to befoul a warm April day and leave the neighbors wondering if a clandestine meth lab has caught fire next door.
Mine is not a well-maintained lawnmower.
It’s not that I don’t know how. Lawnmower winterization knowledge is passed from fathers to sons, written in the sacred Snapper manuals since the dawn of time and as readily available on the Internet as pictures of scantily clad women, I am told.
I know at the end of each mowing season, when the air grows cool and the leaves are brown, I should empty the mower’s gas tank, change the oil, hose off the caked grass and unfortunate chipmunks, maybe even sharpen the blade and apply a light coating of WD-40 in recognition of its service.
But at the end of each mowing season, I push it into the garage and say, “I will do all those things tomorrow.”
Tomorrows are filled with football and chips and wings and cold beverages and mowing season becomes a distant memory. Trips to the garage grow less frequent as the temperatures fall. When I do venture in and notice the neglected mower, I have nothing to offer but excuses and empty promises.
“Oh, hey, buddy, how are you doing? Enjoying your time off?”
“I still have a quarter of a tank of old gas in me and it’s not getting any fresher, if you would like to take a whiff. The grass clippings and chipmunk remains have hardened into a substance with the consistency of concrete and my blade is duller than an episode of ‘Hannah Montana.’” “Yeah, I’m going to get right on that winterization, buddy. You hang tight and I’ll be back tomorrow to take care of that.”
“You will regret this in the spring.”
Of course my mower doesn’t really talk. Those conversations are all in my head, but the mower voice — unlike many of the other voices — is always right. I do regret it in the spring.
On a recent Saturday, I surveyed the neighborhood. The other lawns were neat and trim with the first cut of spring.
Ours looked like a hipster’s chin — scraggly and unkempt and hiding bits of refuse.
I entered the garage for the dreaded task.
“Oh, it’s you. You must be here to winterize me. Is it tomorrow already?”
“Shut up, mower. Two things I can’t abide are a surly bartender and a smart-mouth lawnmower.”
I maneuvered it around several other neglected items in the garage and into the driveway, added a dollop of oil, topped it off with fresh gas, knocked off some of the petrified materials and gave the pull cord a mighty yank.
I nearly pulled my arm out of its socket. The cord didn’t budge. I spent the next two hours or so disassembling and cleaning and priming and cussing and yanking and sweating while the mower smirked.
“Told you so.”
“Listen, mower, I will take this screwdriver and ...”
Eventually, it coughed and wheezed to life, the blue smoke settled and I commenced to cutting. When I finished the chore, I wheeled it back into the garage.
“Well, mower, I neglected you once again and once again I adapted and overcame and the grass was cut. Now for some baseball and chips and wings and cold beverages.”
“Aren’t you forgetting something?”
“Huh?”
“My little buddy in the closet would like to have a word with you. You may remember promising to winterize him, too. His name is Mr. Weed Trimmer.”
Darn it.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Wayne Goodwin on
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My new Sears mower hasn't been cranked in two years . I tried cranking it last spring and couldn't get it started so i pushed it back into my bedroom . Will try again in a few days or not ...
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Sure do I'ts been in there 3 years now . It used to be in the living room . So some time back i moved my bedroom in my living room and that where everything i on is . Except washer and dryer . It's sits where my kitchen table once set . Stove and fridge is in normal place . Oh my Little fridge and microwave is in living room also ..
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Permalink Reply by Kim on
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I figure a case of Coors Light to my neighbor is WORTH not having to deal with my grass.....LOL!! He insists he WANTS to do it for free but he never forgets to pick the case up from my porch....LOL!!
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Permalink Reply by Lifesighs on
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We could take turns, everyone show up on the weekends and the yard work would get done. I'll bring some picnic salads.
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Permalink Reply by ProblemAgain on
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uno was gonna volunteer till he realized grill was not a typo..
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