more stuff to read....

[ProblemAgain]

Health risks of loneliness (and what to do)

Research shows that loneliness can be deadly. Here, 6 tips to help you buffer the negative effects of loneliness. From Caring.com.

By Paula Spencer Scott

Good for you if you exercise, watch your weight, and don't smoke -- but if you live in lonely solitude, your health may suffer anyway. Social isolation is increasingly seen as a health threat independent of physical condition. And yes, it's harmful enough to kill you.

Loneliness can wreck the body like a physical stress. Scientists believe that feeling disconnected and alone may trigger damaging inflammation and immune-system changes. Loneliness has also been shown to speed up the heart-health changes of aging.

How bad is it? A 2010 Brigham Young University review of studies involving more than 300,000 people concluded that loneliness is as unhealthy as smoking 15 cigarettes a day or being an alcoholic. In a 2012 Archives of Internal Medicine study, older adults who described themselves as lonely had a 56 percent higher risk of developing functional decline (such as losing the ability to walk or climb stairs). They had a 45 percent increased risk of dying.

Fortunately, you can take steps to buffer the negative effects of loneliness:

http://healthyliving.msn.com/diseases/caregiving/health-risks-of-lo...

[uno,dos,3]

As the article states you don't have to be alone to feel lonely.

It is also true that being alone does not automatically mean that you are lonely. I relish solitude....it is calming and seems a 'normal' state of being to me. In my 3D world most people seem to enjoy my company.....it is me who limits my social interactions. This has always been pretty much the way I am, it is not something that has developed as I've aged. In the late 1960's I moved to this town with my 1st wife. We were befriended by a couple and went to their home for a few social get-togethers. All the people we met were nice enough, but it soon became apparent that they were all so close knit that they did almost everything together. I extricated us from the group as it seemed suffocating to me.

Without droning on I will use last night as my final example.....the NCAA championship basketball game ( I like basketball)....3 male 'friends',whom I like well enough, invited me to a sports bar to watch the game with them. There was not even the slightest desire on my part to accept the invitation. Here is how I viewed the choice:

Sportsbar ='s NOISE, drunken strangers constantly shouting, people giving high fives, drunken people bumping into me yadda, yadda, yadda.

versus

Home ='s Quiet, large enough tv screen, homemade guacamole, feet up as I sit in my favorite chair, and best of all almost complete control of my enviroment.

You can fill in any sporting event above and you could make the scene a large house party......'I vant to be alone'.

[Lifesighs]

The older I get the more I think like you uno, those days were fun when I was young but now give me a good book. I do socialize, my husband craves being with people much more than I do. When I think back tho it was always my friends talking me into going out, it was never my idea.

[blithe spirit]

I live in a community that used to be adults only and over the years the HOA decided maybe it wasn't the best thing so changed the bylaws to allow families. Lots of folks, particularly those that move away from family or don't have family and can lead very isolated type lives. We all have different tolerences for social stuff but lonliness among the elderly is a big issue. We all need a little bit of the human touch and interaction. If we don't have family and we aren't working anymore I think it could get easier to not make the effort...especially if we don't get around well.

[crestofwaves]

When I am with people, I crave to be alone. When I am alone, I crave to be with people.

Every once in a while, though, I'm perfectly content with exactly what I'm doing.

It's funny that as an extrovert ( the many psychological tests I took say that I am, but I don't think so), I get energy when I am around people.  Yet, when I am alone, I amuse myself very well and rarely suffer boredom.  There are some benefits to getting older--one is really knowing oneself.

I pull away from people when I've had enough.  Perfect example--on a trip to Philly for the English teachers' convention, we were out all day, with people for dinner and after dinner, everyone was drinking and acting silly, and I pulled a crossword book from my pocketbook and started to do it.  I wasn't drunk, did not feel silly, had had enough of people.  Strange the things we do.

 The Internet has helped with any feelings of isolation I could ever have. When nothing is happening and no one is around, I come on here and talk to all of you and people on Facebook.  But, man, I still miss eons with my whole heart and soul. There is nothing like it.

[frenchy]

well just to chime in a little bit , i've had it both ways .. and i liked it both ways .. i like havin a women with me but i also like my alone time .. i feel just like uno as far as the sports bar and watchin the game .. i can enjoy a good game all by myself .. and i've noticed that as i've aged i really don't shive a git all that much about which team wins or loses .. i see some people who absolutely go apeshit if their team loses .. or wins.. its like they're on the payroll or somethin and they're gonna get a cut of that superbowl championship bonus .. don't get me wrong there's nothin wrong with likin your home team .. we all do it .. but to lose sleep over it or to obsess over it ?? nahh .. its not worth the energy to me .. i just like to see a good game .. and i also agree that you can be lonely in a crowded room or just fine all alone .. some people can't be alone and probably shouldn't be if there's someone out there who will have them ..but some shouldn't be hooked up no way no how .. i agree with chief that you should really want to be with that person if you're gonna do it .. we are all such individuals .. love should be so easy .. i'm a guy , you're a girl .. i look at you and like what i see you look back and feel the same .. boy meets girl , boy inserts penis .. easy peazy right ? nope .. this bein in love stuff is complicated .. and stayin in love .. eeeeeeeee.. even more so .. ehh.. don't look at me for answers cause i'm lost too .. 

[Lifesighs]

If I ever really started to feel lonely I would find something to join or volunteer for something I enjoyed doing. That's one of the reasons I don't want to lose my marbles because I would like to stay involved in life and know what's going on in the world. When I moved across country and didn't know a soul I joined a theatre group as a stage hand, it was fun and interesting and I actually got a few parts with lines. I found out I liked going to auditions I could really be outrageous cause I didn't know anyone. Once I started meeting friends and got a life I gave up my life in the limelight. Ha ha ha.

[Kim]

I am mostly content to be by myself to read, listen to music, indulge in a craft or a hobby, write, or just do my thing but sometimes I can get so painfully lonely, it almost hurts. I dont understand it...why? I never have before...EVER!! I used to secretly scoff at people who would declare their loneliness. I never "GOT THAT"! I think maybe I'm thinking I may be missing something, WHAT? I dont know. When I get lonely and dont have any plans with my boyfriend, I think I would LOVE to go dancing, then I think MAYBE i will go to the Casino,maybe I will go have a drink and hear a band, but ULTIMATELY, I end up at Barnes and Noble with a Chai Tea Latte and gather a stack of books to read for a few hours... I am a caregiver for old people and since I moved back to my hometown about 3 years ago, I havent really had many opportunities to make many friends. Sure, I still "know" people from back in the day but not sure I want to rekindle many friendships with people who knew me as a boy crazy, hard rock fan, social butterfly who drank on the weekends and probably only passed high school because I was the "nicest and quietest kid". My boyfriend, Mark is a very good person and we are also each others best friend but next to that my "best friends" include a former boyfriend, 2 of  Mark's brothers, and I'm close to a few of  Mark's  "buddies" (which includes 1 girl). We recently became friends with a couple so they are pretty much the only "girl" friends I have. I just get along better with men although it really is a friendship thing and nothing more. Luckily, Mark has known this from the start and has no issues with it. And I am impressed that whether Mark is with me or NOT...NONE of those men have ever crossed any line with me and they had every opportunity. AND as far as living alone...I kind of intend to for the rest of my life and LIKE IT unless my boyfriend's pain gets so debilitating that he would need help. I WOULD do that for him although generally, I dont think we would be able to live together.