TBD

TBD on Ning

http://www.immaturesenior.com/

Humor

October 4, 2012.

Star Wars’ Luke Skywalker on Aging.

I’ve tried to convert my light sabre to a cane but when it turns off, I fall down. Yoda is now getting senile. Yesterday he told me, “May the farts be with you.” The Dark Side has tried to turn me to their cause all my life. Now that I’m this old they have given up. I heard a rumor that they claim getting this old is close enough to the Dark Side to satisfy them. My power seem to be as dim as my eyesight, and I seem to have become Obi wan Kenobi.

A Famous Bunny on Aging.

After eating countless carrots all these years, I go to the eye doctor and find out I need bi-focals! I’m even more wrinkled than my carrots. I’ve had to fit my rabbit hole with one of those automatic star climbers. My ears droop and I have a lot less bounce in my step.

Alice In Wonderland on aging- “It gets curiouser and curiouser.”

October 2, 2012.

A Seniors Morning Routine.

Get out of bed you lazy one
lots to do before this day is done.
Pop your teeth into your jaw
wash your face until its raw
so the wrinkles might just go.
Put your cap on, tilt it low
prod that button, tug that zipper.
For today may be a ripper.
Slip your shoes on, look no lacing.
A very fine day I sure am facing.
Out the door, my goal is near
Where was I going, dear oh dear!

September 29, 2012.

A daughter was visiting her mother in a Nursing Home. ” Anything new?” The daughter asked. “Why yes dear. There have been a whole bunch of recent UFOs!” The mother exclaimed. “UFOs, how exciting.” The daughter replied. “Exciting, no not really.” The mother added. “No, how so. If I saw a UFO I’d be very excited.” The daughter suggested. “Oh dear, no, not that kind of UFO.” The mother said with a smile. ” What other kind are there?” The daughter asked. “Well around here we have a whole lot of UFOs- Unidentified Farting Old Timers.”

September 26, 2012.

A mother and daughter went on an outing together. “Mom what would you like for your birthday this year? Your turning 70 and I want to do something special.” The daughter eagerly turned to her mother for a reply. The elder woman though for a moment. “Well first you must promise you will not question me about my choice.” The daughter pursed her lips, her mother was known for being a bit eccentric. After a moment she responded, “Okay I promise.” After all what could the old gal do at 70 that she hadn’t done before, not much the daughter mused. “I want a tattoo…no, two tattoos.” The mother smiled in challenge and waited for the daughter to make some sort of reply. The daughter just smiled. “Okay if you’re sure.” “I’m Sure.” So they headed to a nearby tattoo shop. Inside was a long haired young man. “What can I do for you two ladies today?” He asked with a smile. “I would like to get two tattoos!” The elder exclaimed with excitement. The young clerk eyed the daughter. She seemed the more likely of the two. “Are you sure this is what she wants?” He looked at the daughter for assurance, talking to her as if the mother wasn’t even there. The daughter shook her head in the affirmative. He eyed the elder woman and very slightly shook his head. “Maybe you should just start with one, a small one,in a discreet place.” The young man suggested. “Young man I am not yet senile. I know exactly what I want and where I want it!” The elder woman had not missed the youth’s expression and condescending manner. “I want one tattoo on each cheek.” the mother explained. “Oh no mom, not on your face!” The daughter interjected. “Oh no dear, not my face…my butt.” ” Mom, no I insist you stop this now, it simply isn’t right!” Now two people were treating her as if she were senile. “Are you sure?” the young man asked brows raised.”Very sure” was the reply. “Young man I presume you have placed tattoos on butts before, am I right?” The young man agreed he had, and indicated where she could change into a robe, opening to the back. The mother and daughter went to the change room and emerged a moment later. The young man prepared the skin and then asked, “What do you want on this side?” “The word soggy, upper case letters except for the g’s, I wan the g’s to be cursive.” The daughter’s brows raised. “Oh Mom!” she said with a sigh. “Yes, dear?” the mother responded with a challenge in her voice. The daughter sighed again, “Go ahead, do as she wants.” Once the one was done, the young man asked what was to be placed on the other. “I want the word saggy, same way, upper case except for the g’s.” So the young man got back to work. Once he was done and the elderly lady had gone to the change room with her mother he scratched his head and began the clean up. The daughter emerged from the change room. “What do I owe you?” she asked the youth. Having completed the transaction he leaned forward. “Do you have any idea why she picked those words, or had to have them placed on her…where they were?” Before the daughter could reply the mother emerged, “I can tell you exactly why. You see as I’ve gotten older two things have happened to my butt. One it has sagged something awful, and two it is always covered in a nasty pair of adult diapers!” She ambled out of the shop with a smile on her face. “Mom what have you done?” The daughter asked as she joined her mother. She glanced back at the now frowning, pale face of the clerk as he stared at them from the shop window. “I simply taught him a lesson. I had planned on him writing -sassy-

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I stole this from someone on this site, but I have come so far down the path of darkness I cannot rememer who, but I give them full credit.

and you can bet your ass that if they did have real light sabre's there would be a group that would want to regulate them too .. 

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