Dear Abby...Re..Social Media

[blithe spirit]

DEAR ABBY: Over the past few years, as social media has become more popular, I have noticed a trend among many people. They now favor that form of communication over personal human interaction. This is especially true of my girlfriend of five years.

We have the normal relationship problems I feel could be addressed, but from the moment she gets home from work she's in front of the computer playing Facebook games, posting status updates or messaging "friends." She sits there for hours, lost in her virtual world. We rarely talk anymore, and when we do it turns into an argument because I'm trying to discuss what I see as a serious problem.

The Internet and social media are great tools for bringing worlds together, if they are not abused. But for many people, I think, social media is doing more harm than good. It has depersonalized human contact and has the potential to destroy relationships and isolate individuals.

I'm interested in your opinion and any advice you can give me on helping my girlfriend understand my concerns. -- ALONE IN THE REAL WORLD

DEAR ALONE: People cannot be two places at once. When relationships aren't nurtured, they wither. If this has been going on for an extended period, then it's time you give your girlfriend a wake-up call: You feel abandoned. By spending more time in the virtual world than in the real one, she is neglecting her relationship with you.

Ask her if she would be willing to work on a compromise so that she spends time with you. If she can't do that, and the Internet is giving her everything she needs, then you should find a lady who is willing to give you more of what you need, which is undivided attention.

I have some internet friends who are just that...I will never meet them, thats the extent of the relationship. But I have other friends who I have real life meet in person relationships with...and I do find some folks do seems to prefer social sites more appealing...what's up with that? Is it just me?

[crestofwaves]

Kathy's last paragraph describes me to a tee.

"When I am working, during the school year, I find the need to not talk to anyone, except on-line, to be very appealing.  However, in the summer, I make a point of having human interactions even if it's just with the check out person at the grocery store." 

  It's too draining to talk to literally hundreds of people all day long then socialize with real live people at night.  I am all peopled out.  But social networking keeps me in touch and talking--something I like to do.

I saw a short story last night on Starz.  It was the last of a few in a movie called: Stars in Shorts.  Judy Densch, old now, was on Facebook and a man private messaged her.  It was so cute and so true. Her friend was annoyed that she was on FB all the time.  Anyway, the Densch chat turned into a dinner date, and the friend, who asked Densch if she could "friend" her son and was told NO, friended the good looking young man.  Very very cute story.

 

My son has had an online relationship for two years.  He is a recovering addict and doesn't go out much because everyone is either doing drugs or drinking a lot, so this was safe for him. Anyway, this weekend he drove 7 hours to meet her for the first time and go to a wedding with her.  He said she is sweet, a little "thicker" in the body than she let on, but he likes her a lot.  Let's see where this goes...

[Karin M Fichtner]

I blame, in part, the social networks for my last marriage's failure.  When he walked off his job and couldn't find another one, he lost himself in the computer.  He was on it in the morning before I was up, and he was still on it when I went to bed.  He even ate dinners by it.  He was on chat lines (Facebook wasn't a thing back then), game sites, and was literally hooked on playing some game where you fight little battles with troops, tanks, and aircraft.  He found my replacement while he was on a game site that had its own chat line.  He was playing with at least 5 women that I know of, and all of them believed he was single.  I was right there in the same room, but he couldn't talk to me, only to women he had never met.  I found that very odd. 

Now, I see couples all the time (my sons and their wives, for example), who are together, but their attention is focused on their tablets or cell phones.  When we take road trips, she brings her IPad along, and buries herself in it, rather than watching the scenery and engaging in conversation with my son and me. 

I don't understand it, myself.  I have a FB acct, but I go on maybe twice a week, and only to see what my granddaughters are up to.  Unfortunately, sometimes I learn things I'd rather not know.  It's amazing and ....I must admit......more than a bit distressing....that they air their "dirty laundry" online for all the world to see.  I keep advising them against it, but to no avail. 

[Lifesighs]

Like with everything else, there is a balance. I have many times during the day that I need a break from my life chores, I like using those times on line in social media. Life is first tho always.

[Wayne Goodwin]

Well the social media is my social life , The people here and other places like face book . Didn't know face book had so many groups . Awesome . I spend probably 12 to 14 hours on computer and sleep the rest . I get excited when i meet a new person (Not sexually) . Love the people in this group . Love the communicating factor between us in your post's . Many people seem to like me and that feels my needs . 

I also see things going on like this post . I have seen a couple argue their relationship on their face book page . It's like being right there with them . A lot of my friends or past friends are processed over Farmville and other games . Others are caught up in a maze to try and win contests , sending our constant requests for people to vote for her , them . Annoying at times for sure .

I don't own a computer to do things professional . I have it to communicate with whom ever that will listen . My singing for one . I do find many won't take the time to listen unless it by professional artists . The search function has a lot to give . Sometimes people find love on the net . Most times it turns out to be a fantasy .

When i saw the movie Sleepless in Seattle , When harry met Sally caused me to dream of meeting someone like that . Guess we all at time get caught up in cyberspace , Normal or not ....

[Kim]

Well, like everything else in life, I think if you do anything EXCESSIVELY, it can become a problem. I am on facebook and have had a lot of fun finding some family members (mostly cousins I never met because of distance.), old friends from high school, summer camp, and yearly vacations to Canada. penpals from across the world from my childhood (just found another one the other day). In addition to that, I have on my friend list old neighbors and friends I knew from Ohio and Pennsylvania, kids I grew up with, and my family. In many ways, its really the only way I would be able to maintain contact with them, due to distance. But I dont compromise any relationship in favor of getting on the computer and tuning them out. That's on MY own time!

I had a boyfriend a couple years ago who was constantly texting on his phone. If he did, he would explain and show me. The thing was, he was from Holland and they are about 8 hours ahead of us I think and he COULD literally be on his IPHONE for just about anytime in a 24 hour period becaue someone was ALWAYS awake!! (And of course, how would I REALLY know what his texts said as it was in Dutch? Although he knew I could read SOME DUtch so he probably never showed me anything BAD....LOL) NOW, he is one of my best friends but as a boyfriend, I realized, it annoyed me more than I wanted to admit. Good Riddance!!   And NOW, I feel sorry for his "now" girlfriend having to put up with that crap NOW.  Its just so rude in my opinion.

[blithe spirit]

I have a couple teacher friends who leave their phones in their cars when they are meeting friends IRL.

But thats a good idea too, I think.

I have met some good friend on social sites, it can be a way good to meet folks. But not when you are with others unless everybody knows everybody else. Seems rude to me.

[Kim]

Yeah...I usually leave my phone in the car too unless I am waiting for a call. And if I am, I inform the people I am with of that possibility. But even so, it amazes me how, only a "few" years ago, if people wanted to get in touch with me, they had to wait till I got HOME or the next day when I was HOME to answer the call. DOnt know about everyone else, but I have ONLY had a cell phone for 4 years. But that FIRST year, I would LOSE my phone for days and when I would find it, I would have to plug it in to charge so no one used that number to contact me anyway.