Who does better?

[Grandma Helen]

Most of us have been alone for a while.  Some are thrilled, some are miserable, some are just resigned to the fact.  Who do you think does better alone?  Is it the guys or the gals?  What do you think makes the difference?

[Ursula]

I think we girls handle being alone better, and the reason is because we have a variety of relationships in our lives, a support system, if you want to call it that.  Most of the guys I know have one or two friends whereas the women have many.  Also women tend to have interests outside their homes.

From personal experience, I remember when my husband retired, he spent a lot of time in front of the TV; now that I'm alone, I have a buy calendar with a variety of people and places to keep me involved and enjoying my life.

[Ursula]

That's a busy calendar, in case you're wondering.....

[Zochitl]

I agree with Ursula . Most women seem to do better because they are used to multi-tasking while men stick to one thing all their lives and once that's gone they are lost; their brains shut down. lol

[Eaglewoman]

I think women do better, but thats just from my experience. I have done OK since I became single 28 years ago and still doing ok. My husband got married again right away, when he got divorced again he moved in with his cousin who take care of him , then she went to a nursing home and he is now living with his ex sister-inlaw  and claims he can't make it living alone.I think Ursula is right we do have more of a support system than men do.I know I have  different people for different things.

[mercerquietman]

What gender you are has nothing to do with it. I LOVE these generalizations; some are downright insulting. The cattiness displayed by some of the remarks here in generalizing men as dullards without friendships is one of the reasons I am single. Who needs that? The single biggest factor is how comfortable you are with yourself. I enjoy my company. I can have a great time by my lonesome. I vastly prefer being alone and wishing I wasn't than not being alone and wishing I was.

[Karin M Fichtner]

This is surprising to me, because I was going to say men do better alone than women. Mercerquietman......at the risk of sounding like I'm generalizing.......I don't really think men have any need for women. When they are young and their needs are different....they seek out women's company....even to the point of getting married. Once those needs change......and the kids have been raised.....I really don't think men (Don't yell at me, MCQM) have a need for a woman in their lives. Today's men cook, do laundry, and do their own shopping. What do they need us for? If they want company....they can get a dog.
Women, however, are both social creatures and nuturers. Not ALL women.....so, gals, don't yell at me, either......but we usually are. We need someone to take care of....someone to talk to....someone to do things with....or take trips with. Sure.....we could do those things alone....or with a gal pal.....but we'd take a man's company happily. We are the romantics. Chances are....if the guy is romantic.....enjoys cuddling by the fire....long walks on the beach.....he's only faking it to achieve the desired result. Face it....guys only take us places because it might get them " places". No man actually WANTS to take us to a play or an art show or a concert. He'd much rather watch football in his underwear. And he really doesn't want throw pillows on his bed, or your cosmetics on his sink. And he couldn't care less if his drapes match the couch. And ........and this is very important, girls.......he does not want to go shopping with you!!!
So we ladies would do ourselves a big favor if we just admitted they don't need us......( He**, I am not even sure they even like us!). Then we can all relax and enjoy the rest of our lives doing what we want to do with those who want to do them with us.

[mercerquietman]

I wouldn’t yell at you Karin. There are obvious differences among the sexes and tactful ways of expressing them; I just found the view expressed that guys generally have fewer friends to be absurd. The story of a wife complaining about her husband spending too much time with his friends at ball games, bowling, hunting, fishing golfing etc. etc. is classic. I know in my own marriage it was a problem with the ex that I wanted to continue to bowl in a league once a week with my friends after we married. Actually, I think your explanation makes sense for a number of women, but not all. One of my best friends is a single female and she is more than happy being single. It’s not that she is not open to marriage, but she is very comfortable in her own skin. She has a number of interests and lots of friends. I also have a guy friend whose wife left him and he was devastated. He was looking to get married in the worst way and did. He did not fare well being alone.

I did get a kick out of your reference to household chores. I remember when I was married hearing all the complaining about cooking, cleaning and laundry. When she left, I thought, “What’s the big deal?” I’ll be honest, I like my cooking a lot better taste-wise and health-wise. And the laundry?!?!?! Big deal! The machine does all the work. The way she used to carry on you’d think she had to trek five miles with a basket of laundry on her head to a mountain stream and beat the clothes against rocks or something. You understand us pretty well.

[Grandma Helen]

I can clean and do laundry MQM, but I really need someone to cook for me.  Seriously, I don't like being alone.  When I first got separated I really wasn't alone, because where I rented an apartment the landlady thought it was her job to occupy my time.  It was probably good.  Then I stayed with my brother for a few months, so I wasn't alone.  Then I moved into an apartment all by myself.  At first I was in awe of being by myself, doing what I wanted when I felt like it, eating whatever I felt like.  All those wonderful things that we all brag about, but then I realized I hated the echo in the apartment.  I kept the tv on just so it wasn't so quiet.  Then one of my sons asked if he could move in with me.  I was never so happy.  Since then I've had intermittent times of being alone for a few months and one of the others would show up.  After I was sick last year and collapsed in the middle of the night, I was afraid to be alone.  I've gotten past that, but now I have my son, his girlfriend and my granddaughter here and I couldn't be happier than have the baby wake me up at 3 am with her screaming.  So, MQM, not all us ladies are thrilled to be alone.  I've thought about getting into senior housing and freeing up my son to move on without me, but I don't dwell on it for long.  I don't think it's a gender thing, I think it's a personality thing.  I need people around me. I have friends that love being alone. 

[mercerquietman]

Technically, I'm not alone either. I got a son at home who is on the ten year college plan. I'll miss him when (and if) he leaves, but I'll be fine with it.

[Karin M Fichtner]

I had a chance to live completely alone for about two years. Well.....not alone.....I had my Rocky with me. I had never in my life been completely alone. I have to say, it wasn't bad. Of course, my daughter and her family lived nearby, and if I got tired of talking to the dog, I could go over to her house and visit. My two granddaughters would pop inon me and visit from time to time. I got to decorate the way I wanted for the first time in my life. It occurred to me that I didn't know what my style was; I'd been doing things someone else's way for my whole life. I liked creating my little nest. But my son got a divorce, and bought a big townhouse he was sick of rattling around in alone....so he asked me to come live with him. Mostly, I am by myself....but my son and new dil are there if I should need some company. Mostly, I stay down in my end of the house. I am joining senior groups in VA now, so I am meeting new people (lady-type people!) to hang out with. And I do have one close friend nearby. I am surviving. Would it be nice to be half of a couple again? Sure. But I would never live with someone ever again. I've learned my lesson!

[Dee Holland Eidson]

I think it depends on the person. I don't like being alone . I have never been completely alone. My daughter and my granddaughter live with me.Plus the cat.It is so nice to have people around. I have a couple of very good male friends and female friends.We have game nights, BBQ's,also I work part time.I am comfortable.However I never turn down a chance to dine out or do something with my male friends.I enjoy male companionship very much. I don't believe I would ever marry again.I have tried three times.It works out much better for me this way.

[Coconut Lover]

I don't know many of you, but I'll jump in here.  I also believe it depends on the person.  I was married to my soulmate for over 35 yrs before he died quite suddenly.  We did most things together, but we were not joined at the hip!  We each did our own thing too.  After going thru the stages of grief, I settled into life alone.

Maybe it's because I was an only child, but I don't need someone around all the time!  I don't know any men IRL that live alone and are content about it.  So far I haven't met any guys on sites of this type who aren't also on dating sites as well.  That leads me to believe that - in general - women do better alone.  I know many women on and off line that are content on their own.

One thing that concerns me is the fact that I can go for days without seeing or talking to anyone!  That would not be good if something happened to me!