TBD on Ning
How To Write
Our first lesson is about sentence/concept structure – creating interesting and vivid sentences to grab and keep your reader interested.
Here’s an example of three sentences. All are basically conveying the same message.
- New Jersey is smelly.
- Of all the states, New Jersey is the smelliest.
- In the history of the United States, New Jersey has always smelled bad …and its governor likes donuts (a little too much).
Which sentence, in your opinion, expresses the message the most effectively?
If you chose number 2 or 3 – you’re incorrect and here’s why:
The first sentence is quick and to the point. It tells the reader exactly what he/she needs to know about New Jersey.
The other two sentences are too long and laborious - filled with ineffective commas, ellipses, and parentheses, all designed to blow smoke and disguise the real problem with New Jersey – you can’t order a fried egg –“sunny side up” in a restaurant.
I swear. Look it up.
The main thing to remember is never fill your stories with adjectives and/or adverbs – except when absolutely necessary. Nobody has time for that crap.
We’re busy.
Vacuuming With The Stars is on tonight. It’s the finals.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Bmichael on
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This is the first I've heard of such a thing.
My first thought was to read one of the writers who have accomplished this and see what it was like...but then it occurred to me that this might be best attempted without any preconceived notions...and definitely not a novel, but rather a flash piece.
We'll see.
Oy.
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Permalink Reply by Marilyn on
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Look forward to seeing your efforts! Ah looooves flash fiction ... esp. yours!
Oh, baby!
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Permalink Reply by Westerly_2 on
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This is tough going. I can't think of anything. Will someone go first?
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Permalink Reply by Carol T on
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Many years ago, I was forced to read "The Expedition of Humphry Clinker," whose claim to fame was that it was the first epistolary novel ever written. It was supposed to be funny; I didn't find it so, and I found the concept irritating. I can imagine that an entire novel written in dialogue would be equally irritating.
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Ok, here goes.
“Don’t I get any help from anyone around here? I have to do it all myself? There’s nobody around me with excellence of notions or superiority of follow-through also? No cojones on any of my posse? You, hired helper person, do you have my keys?”
“My name is Samantha, ma’am. And, no, I haven’t seen them. Are they on one of the patio tables where you were visiting with your friends?”
“Friends? My staff, you mean? And who parked my car at the curb? I never park it there.”
“Pardon, but you did, ma’am.”
“I won’t say it again. I never park my car on the street.”
“Ok.”
“I never park it there.”
“All right. Sorry. Let me just sweep up this broken dish for you.”
“And furthermore, please don’t call me ma’am. My mother is a ma’am. Call me Shaar. Actually, many people pronounce that soiree, and I won’t say nay. Call me by name. I’m just a hard-working frontier gal. Don’t be intimidated by my awesome assets and fabulous fame also.
“Now, are you going to help me or no?”
“Wait, stop. Turn around again.”
“What is this lame tomfoolery, Sammy? I don’t perform tasks for people. I am no trained bear to dance on command. I am a roguish sort of rogue, and you can count on me to roll all roguish on you.”
“No, I mean, your back pocket….”
“What about it? Is this some gotcha ploy?”
“You have them stuck in your back pocket. Your keys. I can see them right there.”
“Praise the lord, Samster. Pray with me.”
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This, by itself is good dialogue...and I get a good idea that Shaar is a wealthy, conceited, bitch...while Samantha is a down-to-earth employee of some sort that is very patient (up to a point), and professional (up to a point).
Now, take your considerable literary expertise...and change the scene...without , of course saying so, and contribute more to the story.
;-)
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This is hard. When you can't give stage directions, the breaking of a plate, for example, has to be told in dialogue. I'll try to do continue on, but I want to read you, and Marilyn!
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“Another pitcher, Sam?”
“I think I’ll just finish what I have here, Hector. Beer makes me gabby, and I don’t feel like talking right now.”
“Hard day at the mansion of the great actress, Shaar Lynn?”
“That woman is so demanding, and everything is about her. I have no choice. I have to hold onto a job. I’ve got some money saved for community college, but not enough. Even with a grant, I’ll need books, extras.”
“You could always go back to waitressing.”
“I don’t want to do that again. She told me I could stay in one of her rooms, save the rent money. But I don’t want that. I know I’d be on call for room service 24/7, and no privacy. Plus… I really don’t relish being around after hours, if you know what I mean….”
“You’ll have to speak up, Sam. You’re whispering, and you keep turning away from me like you’re checking your back.”
“Well, lean in. This guy she knows…. It’s odd. He brings her sacks of new shoes all the time, boxes of them, strappy sandals, killer stilettos, pointed toes, red, black, sequined….”
“Yeah?”
“He tries them on her feet, watches her walk around the room in them. He’s not looking at his bottom or her breasts. He’s drooling over the shoes, with a shine in his eyes. I mean, isn’t that kind of unusual?”
“Kinky.”
“Stop smiling, Hector. I’m not smiling. Well, I thought he was just her personal shoe salesman at first, but it looks like he’s her boyfriend. Don Carlos, his name is. I can’t figure out if it’s his first and last or just his first two names.”
“Maybe it’s Don Carlos Danger.”
“Ha ha.”
“Well, it’s not like they’re hurting children or unconsenting people. What’s the harm?”
“It seems creepy to me, Hector. I don’t want to be around and watch it.”
“This fancy actress have good legs?”
“Very funny, Hector.”
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Little problem is, you can't describe actions, so you have to put, "You're whispering" into the mouth of a character. A little awkward. An amusing challenge, though. Kind of fun.
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Nobody else is playing? : (
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