TBD on Ning
HOLY SMOKES
Pope Francis , who is due to visit New York City in late September, made an unexpected secretive trip to the Big Apple this past weekend. With a sharp increase in shootings, stabbings, and violent crimes in the city, the Pope decided to make an unscheduled stop here to help suppress this increasing mayhem.
However, the NYPD had to unfortunately announce that the Pope was arrested for drunk driving after he was stopped on the Long Island Expressway drag racing in his Popemobile. Pope Francis had a blood alcohol level of 0.25, more than 3 times the legal limit. He was also cited for failure to stop at a monastery, driving under the influence of an epiphany, playing pocket pool with his rosary beads, and reckless sermoning.
Six ounces of marijuana and other drug paraphernalia including pipes and Bambu rolling paper were found in the Popemobile's glove compartment. The comment uttered by the arresting officer, Hedwig McCloskey was "Holy Smokes."
The Pope's lawyer has said the Pope vehemently denies all allegations and is pleading NOT GUILTY and told prison officials that Pope Francis should be released on his own recognizance. The Vatican has responded to this arrest calling it "blasphemy." Pope supporters are planning a vigil at St. Patrick's Cathedral in Manhattan. No further information has been released to the press.
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