"THIS TRAIN DON'T CARRY NO PASSENGERS"

[Mark Joel Lane]

 

 

     I was taking a Mr. Bubble bubbly bubble bath the other afternoon with my rubber ducky,spongy dinosaur, and  toy rub a dub cars and boats listening to an afternoon sports talk radio station when I realized I wanted something more in my tub next to me....and knowing any Victoria Secret or beauty pageant models probably weren't going to be splish splashing with me any time soon, a train of thought occurred to me..... that I was missing a train in my bathtub.

 

Now, I'm not talking about any Fisher-Price or Mattel toy  or Thomas the Engine you could buy at your Toys R US or Walmart. I want an electric train in my bathtub. Growing up I loved playing with my Lionel and America Flyer train sets.   It's true I also had an immature  cruel streak in me back then,  scotch taping insects and spiders to the train tracks while I enjoyed seeing my electric trains send the unsuspecting arthropods to their respective nirvanas.  My mom often complained of having to vacuum legs and wings and even an antennae at times. Needless to say, I've outgrown those childish torture delights since I turned 40.  But I still want my electric train. My old trains were discarded years ago and riding on the Long Island Railroad to work just doesn't give me the thrills I still long for. 

 

So...I contacted my friend, Chuck,  a licensed electrician, architect. and engineer. I always kid him as an engineer calling him Choo Choo Charlie. He loves Good & Plenty candy.  Anyway, my friend Chuck  says he can build me a train track along the inside walls of my bathtub  and even circling the bottom of the tub.  He has a patent pending of new electrical appliances and toys  he's created that do not conduct electricity in water. He's been testing it out with  some feral cats and stray dogs in his bathtub and with only a few shocking casualties, he's ready to start marketing his products.

 

Chuck  says he has already built an electric train and will install the tracks in my bathtub  What an endorsement I can be for him, once the public is made aware of his ingenious appliances and in my case, electric toys.  I can't wait to be playing in my bathtub  soon with my new electric trains. My loving wife is totally opposed to any train tracks in and on our bathtub. She thinks Chuck is a phony and a charlatan  and says his idea is dangerous and crazy. I have a way of finding out for sure.  I'm giving her one of his non conducting electric kites to fly during the next thunderstorm.  

[darroll]

Or a cordless non-conducive lightning rod hat with dark seeking diodes around the edge.