Cuz if ya did, wait till you hear what happened on the way home. Ya-ya.
I saw a license plate. I did. Really. Honest. I wouldn't kid ya.
Ya-ya. That's what it said. So I figured sure, they really wanna know, so why not?
I tried to run them off the bridge over the interstate.
HAAaa haa! Gottcha! No I didn't. Honest. I wouldn't do that.
They took the on ramp anywayz . . .
No really, I try to be good when I'm behind the wheel. I do, I try. It isn't easy, but I do, I try. I figure if I can't be good then soon enough I'll meet someone just like me . . .
Ha-ha! eeYeah . . .
Scary thought ain't it.
So ya, I saw that license plate last night and I thought well, maybe someone really wants to know, so I did, I went back in town today. I did, I went back in town and I got there about noon I guess. And in the coffee shop someone was wearing a tee shirt that said "I'm on Island Time". I didn't think much of it really. Not till later . . .
So I got my coffee and I went back outside and leaned on a tree, watching the crowd pass by. Sure enough along comes some old geezer with some woman his age and he said to her:
What are we gonna do with this bastard?
and I thought: HuH? What, you mean me? Well, I dunno, whaddo ya wanna do?
I did, that's what I thought. I think I even said it out loud. Ha-ha! eeYeah! I did!
So then a bench became available and I grabbed it. I mean, hey, there is nothing like a coffee, a smoke, and a place to sit as the crowd babbles by now is there. Honestly, is there anything better than that?
Well soon enough a crowd started to gather 'round, and that was kinda normal because a street musician had set up not far away, so naturally the crowd began to gather, and I thought well, that's alright that's what crowds do, but I wish they wouldn't press in so much . . .
I mean really. Enough is too much sometimes, ya know what I mean? Ya-yeah. So anywayz, this guy sits down on the other end of the bench and there's room, you know, we aren't too crowded, the two of us. He's tanned. Gold jewelery, and it looked real enough. He smiled like some kind of sales man and I thought, well, what ever, I'm not buyin.
Yeah-ya. I'm not buying.
So anywayz, there's the crowd, there's him on the bench, and there I am, just sitting there, and something strange began to happen. Ya-ya. I began to get angry.
Would you like the precise sensory input that seemed to produce this interesting emotional response? Apart from the guy sitting next to me I mean, there were several inducements . . . ha-haa! eeYeah, that's what I call them. Inducements.
I'd tell you precisely what they were, but then you'll know exactly how to wind me up, and I just can't have that now can I? No-no. No we can't because I know, not all of you like me that well!
HaaAaa hAAA! eeYeah! True isn't it. Ha-ha. I know, it's alright. Just keep it to yourself will ya?
Anywayz, I did, I made the observation that I was getting angry and I identified why it was occuring and it dawned on me - I'm suppposed to snap at the guy next to me. And that thought made me go
So I thought about that a bit, and along comes a woman who apparently can't hear, because she was using sign language to indicate to her friend that they would meet up somewhere up the street. Yeah. That was my cue. Get outa there.
Ha-ha! Not me. Nope. Of course not. Why?
Because. He was on Island Time. Sure. He wasn't wearing any socks. No one wears socks on the island do they? They get sand in their shoes . . .
So nope. I didn't take my cue to leave, instead I sat there considering my options. Sometimes when the bastards pull at your head they can pull really hard. Ha-ha. Yeah they can. They can be very pursuasive.
And then again, I do have my own agenda. So ya. I did. I sat there considering all of the various things my pea brain can come up with, and it wasn't all that much at the time. So, not coming up with anything very interesting to interject into the scene - haa ha! eayeah - the scene - I got up to go.
He looked at me, we spoke a few words. Turns out he is from Canada. So I did what I could to clue him in to the notion that the crowd was beginning to turn. Ha-ha! Yeah. Something like that. We chatted for a bit, turns out he isn't bothered by individuals with cameras as much as he is by the camera perched over the street - and there is one. He hadn't noticed it till I pointed it out and that's when he got kind of serious.
Ha-ha! eeYeah, he did. He got kind of serious.
And I thought well that's good. Maybe this time I won't have to spin up some lame joke about testing for Homeland Security.
It probably wasn't even funny the first time.
Nope. Probably not.
© D. Winter
July 27, 2009