"DATING YOUR FRIENDS EX: SLOPPY SECONDS OR SHARING DESSERTS!"

[Letha Robinson]

 

Attraction is something that is instinctual. It drives from within our core. What we like, what we don’t like. Sometimes we are unable to turn that animalistic force off like a light switch. Some have mastered this and would never cross boundaries and lines. While others are not that capable. Acting on that attraction is up to that person’s free will. Take for instance if you have a friend that has a partner that is hot. I mean he or she is your type so naturally you are attracted to them. Now, while your friend is in a relationship or dating that person you are obliged to be on your best behavior. No flirting, no checking out his/hers ass. Time goes on and ultimately your friend and the hottie do not work out. You secretly give yourself a high five because you still are interested in that person.

 

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Months go by and you happen to see that person at say a lounge or a night club and you both give the usual greetings. You start to catch up on all that is life and your spidey senses begin to tingle. Could he or she be throwing your some rhythm? Could they be interested in you? Your first response is to ignore the thought and take is as your devious, bestial, imagination playing tricks on you until he or she makes an obvious move on you. Duh Duh! Do you choose option 1: Remain loyal to your friend and shut down the flirting? After all who the hell wants sloppy seconds? Or choose option 2: You think about all those mushy ass romance movies where two people meet in an uncanny way, hilarity ensues, and ultimately the two end up back together and live happily ever after. Oh shit! That could totally be you and he/she. Plus sometimes it’s fun to pick off of someone else’s plate. Sometimes you like what they ordered more than your dish. Wink, Wink.

What to do? I have seen this scene play out many times and the response seems to vary by gender. For instance, men usually do not mind if one of their homies bones, screws, lays pipe, puts the hammer down, bangs, boinks, hits, or digs out, (whatever guys are verbiage guys are calling sex) one of their past girlfriends. As long as it wasn’t someone they were involved with seriously. Seriously by their definition meaning they were married, perhaps engaged, have a child with her, or they dated for a long, long ass time and in their mind on some level feel that their name will forever be carved on her vagina. If she does not meet any of these requirements then she is good for the getting. See how simple men make this? Women have a completely different explanation.

As a general rule women believe firmly in the no sharing concept. So if there was a guy that she dated, sexed, crushed on, flirts with, or feel that she might be interested in in the near future. We expect our home girls to back the hell off. Surprisingly women are much more territorial in that way than man are. If said girlfriend dare goes against the word of her friend and begins to date her home girls ex then believe that that there will be hell to pay. She will feel disrespected and that her friend is disloyal and a cast of emotional scenes will occur.

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Maybe it is the whole bros before hoes concept that men subscribe to that allows them to be so casual about love and dating. Somehow men are able of being more open with this scenario than women.

For instance, I have a BFF who I have known since day one of our orientation at college which is about ten years ago now. We have found in our experiences together that some of the same guys are attracted to both of us and given the chance would hook up with either (if not both) of us. We also have found that we are usually both attracted to the same type of men. Now this could be because of our similar personalities. You know the whole birds of a feather flock together crap. Either way, we have made a conscious decision to never date the same men. This also includes ex’s, guys we casually date, flirt with or crush on. If she even expresses any interest in a man then I know to immediately put my claws back in, take the arch out of my back and find a corner to take a nap in.

Is it immature for women to subscribe to this system? Could we possibly be missing out on the love of our lives simply because one of us went out on a date one time with a guy and now feel that he is ours to keep for life? Should women make a change and be more open with their dating rules? Do guys have it right on this one? Perhaps women should take up a chicks before d**ks mantra? Penny for your thoughts?

 

 

By: yeahshesaidit..