For those of you who have never traveled to the west, or southwest, cattle guards are horizontal steel rails placed at fence openings, in dug-out places in the roads adjacent to highways (sometimes across highways), to prevent cattle from crossing over that area. For some reason the cattle will not step on the "guards," probably because they fear getting their feet caught between the rails.
A few months ago, President Obama received and was reading a report that there were over 100,000 cattle guards in Colorado . The Colorado ranchers had protested his proposed changes in grazing policies, so he ordered the Secretary of the Interior to fire half of the "cattle" guards immediately! Before the Secretary of the Interior could respond and presumably try to straighten President Obama out on the matter, Vice-President Joe Biden, intervened with a request that...before any "cattle" guards were fired, they be given six months of retraining.
'Times are hard,' said Joe Biden, 'it's only fair to the cattle guards and their families be given six months of retraining! '
'Twas the night before the 2013 Cotton Bowl game, And Johnny Football has already lived up to his name, Heisman, and fame, My Aggies get to play the team that's called ou..., And everyone, like me, says "o who?", We're no longer conference foes, And at some point in the game I hope Johnny Football strikes that pose!, This game is getting National Championship Game like buzz, Wait a minute!, The Aggies are in it so it's just because, So many people & critics said Texas A&M couldn't compete in the SEC, Along side with The Aggie Nation... I BELIEVE!, As you can tell I hope the Aggies WIN, 'Cause all year long I'll be supportin' that "WINNING" grin!!!
From a friend: HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD.
WELL . . . YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE.
I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.
I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME... 40-ODD YEARS AGO.
COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.
THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.
AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL ..
'YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this: "Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"
"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"
There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.......
Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye,'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call."
When a TV host said something to Jim Parsons about something he (the host) was going to do, Parsons said, "Have at it!" You can take the boy out of Texas, but you can't take Texas out of the boy.
Those teams near the top of the selection order in the 2013 NFL draft in need of offensive line help got a big boost when it was announced that Texas A&M left tackle Luke Joeckel will make himself eligible for the upcoming draft. The 6-foot-6, 310-pound Joeckel is NFLDraftScout's number-one draft prospect, and may very well be the best player in the draft when all is said and done.
The 2012 Outland Trophy winner was the pointman in an offense that was dynamic enough to allow Manziel to become the first freshman ever to win the Heisman Trophy. Texas A&M right tackle Jake Matthews, the son of NFL Hall-of-Famer Bruce Matthews, is considered to be perhaps the best at his position in college football.
When considering our own personal beliefs, do we "walk the walk" or just "talk the talk".
A point to ponder.....
An honest man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard.
Suddenly, the light turned yellow just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection.
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger-printed, and photographed, and then placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.
He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'What Would Jesus Do?' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car!"
Cletus is passing by Billy Bob 's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old John Deere tractor.
Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left strap. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.
Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.
Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the world're ya doing, Billy Bob ?"
"Good grief, Cletus, ya done scared the bejeebers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob.
"But me 'n the wife been havin trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."
Howdy and welcome, brokeagain! I was in Luckenbach last year with some Eon friends. We survived a 1/4 inch snow blizzard. I will be busy this weekend cooking a couple hundred gallons of chicken stew for the Church.
Celebrate 177 years of Texas Independence at the Birthplace of Texas, March 2nd and 3rd. Free admission to all sites. Experience historic re-enactors, award winning exhibits, period craft demonstrations, early texas army encampments, live music and loads of food. For more information, visit www.birthplaceoftexas.com. Make plans this year, it's an unforgettable experience!
Cletus is passing by Billy Bob 's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old tractor.
Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.
Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.
Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the world're ya doing, Billy Bob ?"
"Good grief, Cletus, ya scared the bejeebers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob.
"But me'n the wife been havin trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."
(Now don't make me come 'splain this to y'all! Jest read the last line again, slowly...)
Aggie
Johnny Manziel is your 2012 Heisman Trophy winner!
Dec 8, 2012
Goldilocks46
George and I hope you have a Happy Birthday, Aggie!
Dec 9, 2012
Aggie
Thank you, Goldilocks and George!
Dec 10, 2012
Aggie
"If you work hard enough, if you have great people around you, great things can happen." Johnny Manziel
Dec 10, 2012
Aggie
Howdy and welcome to the group, Annieoak!
Dec 13, 2012
Aggie
National Winner Wendy's High School Heisman. Zoe Alaniz of Corpus Christi, Texas hanging out with collegiate Heisman Winner Johnny Manziel!
Dec 14, 2012
Aggie
Check out our female National Winner, Zoe Alaniz of Corpus Christi, TX, holding her Wendy's High School Heisman Trophy high!
Dec 14, 2012
Aggie
For those of you who have never traveled to the west, or southwest, cattle guards are horizontal steel rails placed at fence openings, in dug-out places in the roads adjacent to highways (sometimes across highways), to prevent cattle from crossing over that area. For some reason the cattle will not step on the "guards," probably because they fear getting their feet caught between the rails.
A few months ago, President Obama received and was reading a report that there were over 100,000 cattle guards in Colorado . The Colorado ranchers had protested his proposed changes in grazing policies, so he ordered the Secretary of the Interior to fire half of the "cattle" guards immediately! Before the Secretary of the Interior could respond and presumably try to straighten President Obama out on the matter, Vice-President Joe Biden, intervened with a request that...before any "cattle" guards were fired, they be given six months of retraining.
'Times are hard,' said Joe Biden, 'it's only fair to the cattle guards and their families be given six months of retraining! '
Dec 14, 2012
Aggie
Howdy and welcome, Elayne Bullis!
Dec 17, 2012
Aggie
Dec 18, 2012
Aggie
Dec 18, 2012
Aggie
Dec 20, 2012
Aggie
Howdy and welcome, Xraygirl53!
Dec 23, 2012
Aggie
Dec 25, 2012
Aggie
TeeBubba in High School
Jan 3, 2013
Aggie
'Twas the night before the 2013 Cotton Bowl game,
And Johnny Football has already lived up to his name, Heisman, and fame,
My Aggies get to play the team that's called ou...,
And everyone, like me, says "o who?",
We're no longer conference foes,
And at some point in the game I hope Johnny Football strikes that pose!,
This game is getting National Championship Game like buzz,
Wait a minute!, The Aggies are in it so it's just because,
So many people & critics said Texas A&M couldn't compete in the SEC,
Along side with The Aggie Nation... I BELIEVE!,
As you can tell I hope the Aggies WIN,
'Cause all year long I'll be supportin' that "WINNING" grin!!!
Jan 3, 2013
Aggie
From a friend:
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD.
WELL . . . YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE.
I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.
I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME... 40-ODD YEARS AGO.
COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.
THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.
AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL ..
'YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED.
HE ANSWERED, 'IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?'
YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.
THEN, THAT UGLY,
OLD,
BALD,
WRINKLED FACED,
FAT
GRAY-HAIRED,
DECREPIT
ASKED,
'WHAT DID YOU TEACH???
Jan 4, 2013
Aggie
Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this:
"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"
"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"
There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.......
Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye,'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call."
Jan 5, 2013
Aggie
When a TV host said something to Jim Parsons about something he (the host) was going to do, Parsons said, "Have at it!" You can take the boy out of Texas, but you can't take Texas out of the boy.
Jan 8, 2013
Aggie
Jan 9, 2013
Aggie
Understanding Engineers #1
Two A&M engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own
business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took
off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded
approvingly and said, "Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you
anyway."
Jan 9, 2013
Aggie
Jan 9, 2013
Aggie
Jan 10, 2013
Aggie
Texas A&M OT Luke Joeckel declares for 2013 NFL draft, could be first overall pick.
http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/nfl-shutdown-corner/texas-m-ot-luke-j...
Those teams near the top of the selection order in the 2013 NFL draft in need of offensive line help got a big boost when it was announced that Texas A&M left tackle Luke Joeckel will make himself eligible for the upcoming draft. The 6-foot-6, 310-pound Joeckel is NFLDraftScout's number-one draft prospect, and may very well be the best player in the draft when all is said and done.
The 2012 Outland Trophy winner was the pointman in an offense that was dynamic enough to allow Manziel to become the first freshman ever to win the Heisman Trophy. Texas A&M right tackle Jake Matthews, the son of NFL Hall-of-Famer Bruce Matthews, is considered to be perhaps the best at his position in college football.
Jan 10, 2013
Aggie
When considering our own personal beliefs, do we "walk the walk" or just "talk the talk".
A point to ponder.....
An honest man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard.
Suddenly, the light turned yellow just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection.
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger-printed, and photographed, and then placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.
He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue
streak at him. I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'What Would Jesus Do?' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car!"
Jan 11, 2013
Aggie
Jan 16, 2013
Aggie
Jan 18, 2013
Aggie
Cletus & Billy Bob
Cletus is passing by Billy Bob 's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old John Deere tractor.
Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left strap. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.
Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.
Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the world're ya doing, Billy Bob ?"
"Good grief, Cletus, ya done scared the bejeebers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob.
"But me 'n the wife been havin trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."
Jan 22, 2013
Aggie
Calf born with the outline of Texas on its forehead
http://www.chron.com/life/gallery/Calf-born-with-the-outline-of-Tex...
Jan 22, 2013
Aggie
Howdy and welcome, Txrosey!
Jan 22, 2013
Aggie
Howdy and welcome, brokeagain! I was in Luckenbach last year with some Eon friends. We survived a 1/4 inch snow blizzard. I will be busy this weekend cooking a couple hundred gallons of chicken stew for the Church.
Jan 24, 2013
Aggie
Spending a long weekend on the farm.
Jan 25, 2013
Aggie
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!
Jan 30, 2013
Aggie
Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write, 'A GoodDoctor'!
Jan 30, 2013
Aggie
Jan 30, 2013
Aggie
Here's Valentine, Texas
Feb 6, 2013
Aggie
Gov. Rick Perry stirred up Gov. Brown.
http://news.yahoo.com/california-gov-brown-unhappy-texas-gov-perry-...
Feb 6, 2013
Aggie
Feb 8, 2013
Aggie
Feb 8, 2013
Aggie
Feb 12, 2013
Aggie
Feb 13, 2013
Aggie
I am in the below youtube I am the guy in the maroon shirt on the first deck at Aggie Midnight Yell Practice prior to the Florida game.
Feb 13, 2013
Aggie
I received the best Valentine's gift, Kolaches!
Feb 15, 2013
Aggie
For those who remember the original "Hollywood Squares" from the 70s...
Peter Marshall: "What's the difference between a cow poke and a cow hand?"
Paul Lynde: "One's a felony and the other a misdemeanor."
Feb 18, 2013
Aggie
Feb 20, 2013
Aggie
Celebrate 177 years of Texas Independence at the Birthplace of Texas, March 2nd and 3rd. Free admission to all sites. Experience historic re-enactors, award winning exhibits, period craft demonstrations, early texas army encampments, live music and loads of food. For more information, visit www.birthplaceoftexas.com. Make plans this year, it's an unforgettable experience!
Come join me at the Texas Birthday Party!
Feb 21, 2013
Aggie
Feb 25, 2013
Aggie
Cletus is passing by Billy Bob 's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old tractor.
Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.
Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.
Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the world're ya doing, Billy Bob ?"
"Good grief, Cletus, ya scared the bejeebers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob.
"But me'n the wife been havin trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."
(Now don't make me come 'splain this to y'all! Jest read the last line again, slowly...)
Feb 26, 2013
Aggie
Some of the big guns from 2012 Texas Birthday Party at Washington-on-the-Brazos.
Feb 27, 2013
Aggie
Feb 28, 2013