Cold enough to freeze and bust my pipes inside the north wall of farm house. Had fountain of water coming out north wall of house this morning. 2 inches of ice in cow trough this morning. Wearing 4 hats today rancher/plumber/carpender/insulator.
The Power Of A Badge
This is an old one I'm sure you've all seen, but I laugh every time I see it & decided to share it with you so maybe you'll have a chuckle out of it too.
A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas , and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay, but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish....on any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?" The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......with every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....
Two Texas buddies, Ralph and Rob, are getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly Rob throws up all over himself. "Oh, no. Now Jane will kill me!"
Ralph says, "Don't worry, pal, Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket, tell Jane that someone threw up on you and gave you $20 for the dry cleaning bill." So they stay for another couple of hours and got even drunker.
Eventually Rob rolls home, and his wife Jane starts to give him a bad time. "You reek of alcohol, and you've puked all over yourself! My God, you're disgusting!"
Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, Rob says, "Now wainaminit, I can e'splain everything! Itsh not what you think.. I only had a couple drinks. But this other guy got sick on me ... he'd had one too many and he just couldn't hold his liquor. He said he was very sorry an' gave me $20 for the cleaning bill!"
Jane looks in the breast pocket and says, "But this is $40."
"Oh, yeah. I almos' forgot, he craped in my pants, too."
This is a message from ONE, a site & organization of which I am a member. Please have a look and consider supporting with your vote. And, PLEASE distribute to others that you know.
Love, peace and harmony ----------------------------> Forever
Vaughan. ONE for All - All for ONE.
Like millions of people around the world I've been shocked by the terrible events in Haiti.
Only now is the true scale of the disaster emerging. Reports now suggest as many as 50,000 people may have died, with hundreds of thousands made homeless.
The work ahead to recover from this tragedy is immense. So here's our goal: $890 million for Haiti. That's how much Haiti owes to the International Monetary Fund, the Inter-American Development Bank, and a handful of others.
Sign the petition below to ask Haiti's creditors to act quickly and cancel Haiti's debts:
Gotta Love Those Aggies!
I don't know if it's true that this really was a contest at Texas A&M or not, but I found it humorous anyway.
There is an annual contest at Texas A&M University calling for the most appropriate definition of a contemporary term.
This year's term was "Political Correctness.."
The winner wrote:
"Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."
A Texas Beer Joint Sues A Church
October 7, 2009 by Ruby Cantu
In a small Texas town, (Mt. Vernon) Drummond's bar began construction on a new building to increase their business. The local Baptist church started a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayers. Work progressed right up till the week before opening when lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground.
The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means.
The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise in its reply to the court.
As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork. At the hearing he commented, 'I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but as it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that does not.'
Bubba and Earl
Bubba and Earl were driving down the road drinking a few cold ones. Bubba said "Earl lookie thar, it's a PO-lice roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!"
"Hurry up and finish ‘em off. Then we’ll peel off the labels and stick 'em to our foreheads."
"What fer?" asked Bubba.
"Just do it, and let me do all the talkin', OK?" said Earl.
They reached the roadblock and the sheriff asked, "You boys been drinkin'?"
"No sir, officer" Earl said. "We're on the patch!”
SAN ANTONIO (San Antonio Express-News) – The San Antonio Stock Show & Rodeo unveiled two metal horse facilities totaling 180,900 sf Wednesday, the first new buildings aside from the AT&T Center in 20 years.
The new Exposition Center and Marketplace and a separate structure housing 732 horse stalls replace the 60-year-old barns that housed the horse competitions.
The $10 million Exposition Center and Marketplace includes space for horse show offices, a competition arena and a commercial exhibitor showroom. Another $6 million added a centrally heated warm-up arena and 135,000 sf of horse stalls.
The stalls structure will open up as many as five previously used barns and allow space for 126 more commercial exhibitors.
The facilities were constructed jointly by Bexar County and the San Antonio Livestock Exposition.
The Bexar County Community Arenas board, the rodeo grounds landlord, will lease the facilities for conventions, weddings and other group events when they are not in use.
A bouquet of yellow roses now brings to mind all of the sunny, cheerful feelings of warmth and happiness. In contrast to the romantic meanings attributed to other roses, the yellow rose is purely a symbol for friendship. This gives it a unique place in the pantheon of roses. Yellow roses can send the perfect message of appreciation and platonic love without the romantic subtext of other colors. They can represent feelings of joy and delight, and are an ideal way to brighten someone's day who may be feeling down. There is perhaps no other flower that is able to bring out a smile in quite the way that a yellow rose can.
Two Aggie hunters from College Station hired a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bagged four. As they started loading the plane for the return trip home, the pilot tells them the plane can take only two moose.
The two Aggies objected strongly, stating, "Last year we shot four moose, and the pilot let us put them all on board, and he had the same plane as yours." Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all four were loaded. Unfortunately, even at full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and crashed a few minutes after takeoff.
Climbing out of the wreck, Morris asked Williams, "Any idea where we are?"
Williams replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
CROWLEY (TexasCampgrounds.com) – There are more travelers wintering in Texas this year than last, and they are staying longer, according to a survey by TexasCampgrounds.com.
Just over half of the “Winter Texans” surveyed plan to spend as much time wintering here as they did last year, and 35 percent plan to stay longer.
According to the survey, 39 percent of Winter Texans vacation in the Hill Country, and 38 percent set up camp along the Gulf Coast. Only 24 percent said they spend winter in the Rio Grande Valley, the area Texas Association of Campground Owners previously thought to be the most popular among winter travelers.
The survey also found that 26 percent of respondents planned to stay at one park the entire winter, and 53 percent of Winter Texans also spend time in other states during the season.
The majority of respondents, 40 percent, said they planned to winter in Texas for one to two months. An additional 15 percent planned to stay three to four weeks, while 13 percent planned to stay three to four months and 25 percent planned to stay six months or longer.
Hey Aggie! I'm sure things are a little quiet.... you've been sooo busy entertaining the last couple of weekends!!! :)
I sure am ready for Spring.... I saw 2 ducks at the fountain where I work... that seems to be a good sign.... I think I'll name them "George & Gracie" :)
Call the Nestle Hot line at 1-800-295-0051 (it might be busy, try again) When asked if you want to continue in English or Spanish, wait quietly for about 10 seconds and you will smile. Keep going and press 4. Then press 7. Whoever thought of this at Nestle deserves a raise!
During the heat of the space race in the 1960's, NASA decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules.
After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of $1 million U.S. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth.
The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.
Sorry, I must have slept thru it like the great earthquake of 1979. While in Mexico City in 1979 with 43 other Aggies I slept thru the earthquake. My sincere apologies, I need to pay more attention to women.
Here is a little cowboy humor that says it all.
A young, well-educated man on a business trip gets on the plane to find himself seated next to an older, weathered man in a western snap shirt,faded jeans and a cowboy hat. Thinking himself above the old cowboy, the young man decides to make sport of him.
"You know," he says, "I've heard these flights go much more quickly if you strike up a conversation with a fellow passenger. So, let's talk."
The cowboy looks at him wryly and says, "Well I s'pose that'd be all right. What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know, "says the young man with a hint of sarcasm, "How about nuclear proliferation?"
"Hmm," says the cowboy, sensing the young man's attempt to beliitle him, "That could be an interesting topic. But, let me ask you a question first --horses, cows, and deer all eat the same stuff -- grass. Yet, a deer passes little pellets, a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse makes muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"
Dumbfounded, the young man replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."
So tell me then," says the cowboy with a smile, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nukes when you don't know shit?"
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas . He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it.."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial lawyers in Texas and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in this part of Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.'
The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"
The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees!
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow patty
Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet.
Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."
Aggie
Dec 31, 2009
Tina
Jan 1, 2010
Aggie
Jan 9, 2010
Aggie
This is an old one I'm sure you've all seen, but I laugh every time I see it & decided to share it with you so maybe you'll have a chuckle out of it too.
A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas , and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay, but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish....on any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?" The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......with every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....
"Your badge. Show him your BADGE!!!"
Jan 14, 2010
Aggie
Two Texas buddies, Ralph and Rob, are getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly Rob throws up all over himself. "Oh, no. Now Jane will kill me!"
Ralph says, "Don't worry, pal, Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket, tell Jane that someone threw up on you and gave you $20 for the dry cleaning bill." So they stay for another couple of hours and got even drunker.
Eventually Rob rolls home, and his wife Jane starts to give him a bad time. "You reek of alcohol, and you've puked all over yourself! My God, you're disgusting!"
Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, Rob says, "Now wainaminit, I can e'splain everything! Itsh not what you think.. I only had a couple drinks. But this other guy got sick on me ... he'd had one too many and he just couldn't hold his liquor. He said he was very sorry an' gave me $20 for the cleaning bill!"
Jane looks in the breast pocket and says, "But this is $40."
"Oh, yeah. I almos' forgot, he craped in my pants, too."
Jan 14, 2010
Aggie
Jan 14, 2010
Tina
Love, peace and harmony ----------------------------> Forever
Vaughan. ONE for All - All for ONE.
Like millions of people around the world I've been shocked by the terrible events in Haiti.
Only now is the true scale of the disaster emerging. Reports now suggest as many as 50,000 people may have died, with hundreds of thousands made homeless.
The work ahead to recover from this tragedy is immense. So here's our goal: $890 million for Haiti. That's how much Haiti owes to the International Monetary Fund, the Inter-American Development Bank, and a handful of others.
Sign the petition below to ask Haiti's creditors to act quickly and cancel Haiti's debts:
http://one.org/international/actnow/haiti/index.html?rc=haiticonfemail
As Haiti begins to rebuild we can help by lifting this debt.
Together as ONE we can make a difference!
Thanks!
Jan 16, 2010
Aggie
Jan 16, 2010
Aggie
Jan 19, 2010
Aggie
Jan 19, 2010
Aggie
Jan 20, 2010
Aggie
Jan 21, 2010
Goldilocks46
Jan 21, 2010
Aggie
Jan 21, 2010
Aggie
Jan 22, 2010
Goldilocks46
Thanks, Aggie, I really like this video too!
Jan 22, 2010
Aggie
Jan 22, 2010
Aggie
I don't know if it's true that this really was a contest at Texas A&M or not, but I found it humorous anyway.
There is an annual contest at Texas A&M University calling for the most appropriate definition of a contemporary term.
This year's term was "Political Correctness.."
The winner wrote:
"Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."
Jan 22, 2010
Goldilocks46
Jan 22, 2010
Aggie
Jan 22, 2010
Aggie
Jan 26, 2010
Aggie
October 7, 2009 by Ruby Cantu
In a small Texas town, (Mt. Vernon) Drummond's bar began construction on a new building to increase their business. The local Baptist church started a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayers. Work progressed right up till the week before opening when lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground.
The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means.
The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise in its reply to the court.
As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork. At the hearing he commented, 'I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but as it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that does not.'
Jan 26, 2010
Aggie
I received this from Sherri Taylor
Feb 1, 2010
Aggie
Feb 8, 2010
Aggie
Feb 9, 2010
Aggie
Bubba and Earl were driving down the road drinking a few cold ones. Bubba said "Earl lookie thar, it's a PO-lice roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!"
"Hurry up and finish ‘em off. Then we’ll peel off the labels and stick 'em to our foreheads."
"What fer?" asked Bubba.
"Just do it, and let me do all the talkin', OK?" said Earl.
They reached the roadblock and the sheriff asked, "You boys been drinkin'?"
"No sir, officer" Earl said. "We're on the patch!”
Feb 9, 2010
Tina
Feb 10, 2010
Tina
He he he, ha ha ha, LoL
Feb 10, 2010
Aggie
Feb 10, 2010
Goldilocks46
Feb 10, 2010
Aggie
Feb 10, 2010
Aggie
Feb 10, 2010
Aggie
SAN ANTONIO (San Antonio Express-News) – The San Antonio Stock Show & Rodeo unveiled two metal horse facilities totaling 180,900 sf Wednesday, the first new buildings aside from the AT&T Center in 20 years.
The new Exposition Center and Marketplace and a separate structure housing 732 horse stalls replace the 60-year-old barns that housed the horse competitions.
The $10 million Exposition Center and Marketplace includes space for horse show offices, a competition arena and a commercial exhibitor showroom. Another $6 million added a centrally heated warm-up arena and 135,000 sf of horse stalls.
The stalls structure will open up as many as five previously used barns and allow space for 126 more commercial exhibitors.
The facilities were constructed jointly by Bexar County and the San Antonio Livestock Exposition.
The Bexar County Community Arenas board, the rodeo grounds landlord, will lease the facilities for conventions, weddings and other group events when they are not in use.
Feb 10, 2010
Aggie
Feb 11, 2010
Aggie
The two Aggies objected strongly, stating, "Last year we shot four moose, and the pilot let us put them all on board, and he had the same plane as yours." Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all four were loaded. Unfortunately, even at full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and crashed a few minutes after takeoff.
Climbing out of the wreck, Morris asked Williams, "Any idea where we are?"
Williams replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
Feb 16, 2010
Aggie
CROWLEY (TexasCampgrounds.com) – There are more travelers wintering in Texas this year than last, and they are staying longer, according to a survey by TexasCampgrounds.com.
Just over half of the “Winter Texans” surveyed plan to spend as much time wintering here as they did last year, and 35 percent plan to stay longer.
According to the survey, 39 percent of Winter Texans vacation in the Hill Country, and 38 percent set up camp along the Gulf Coast. Only 24 percent said they spend winter in the Rio Grande Valley, the area Texas Association of Campground Owners previously thought to be the most popular among winter travelers.
The survey also found that 26 percent of respondents planned to stay at one park the entire winter, and 53 percent of Winter Texans also spend time in other states during the season.
The majority of respondents, 40 percent, said they planned to winter in Texas for one to two months. An additional 15 percent planned to stay three to four weeks, while 13 percent planned to stay three to four months and 25 percent planned to stay six months or longer.
Feb 17, 2010
Aggie
Mar 4, 2010
Kathy R
I sure am ready for Spring.... I saw 2 ducks at the fountain where I work... that seems to be a good sign.... I think I'll name them "George & Gracie" :)
Mar 5, 2010
Bob Stepp
REMEMBER THE ALAMO!!!!!!
Mar 6, 2010
Goldilocks46
Mar 7, 2010
Aggie
Mar 8, 2010
Aggie
Mar 18, 2010
Aggie
Received from LynnW
Mar 21, 2010
Aggie
Happy Easter!
Apr 1, 2010
Aggie
After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of $1 million U.S. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth.
The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.
Apr 3, 2010
Aggie
Springtime in Texas! Thank you, WS!
Apr 6, 2010
Aggie
"Praline" by Photogardener
Apr 29, 2010
Aggie
Sorry, I must have slept thru it like the great earthquake of 1979. While in Mexico City in 1979 with 43 other Aggies I slept thru the earthquake. My sincere apologies, I need to pay more attention to women.
May 4, 2010
Aggie
Here is a little cowboy humor that says it all.
A young, well-educated man on a business trip gets on the plane to find himself seated next to an older, weathered man in a western snap shirt,faded jeans and a cowboy hat. Thinking himself above the old cowboy, the young man decides to make sport of him.
"You know," he says, "I've heard these flights go much more quickly if you strike up a conversation with a fellow passenger. So, let's talk."
The cowboy looks at him wryly and says, "Well I s'pose that'd be all right. What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know, "says the young man with a hint of sarcasm, "How about nuclear proliferation?"
"Hmm," says the cowboy, sensing the young man's attempt to beliitle him, "That could be an interesting topic. But, let me ask you a question first --horses, cows, and deer all eat the same stuff -- grass. Yet, a deer passes little pellets, a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse makes muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"
Dumbfounded, the young man replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."
So tell me then," says the cowboy with a smile, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nukes when you don't know shit?"
May 22, 2010
Aggie
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas . He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it.."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial lawyers in Texas and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in this part of Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.'
The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"
The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees!
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow patty
Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet.
Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."
May 22, 2010