TBD on Ning

These jokes may not be entirely politically correct, but if we can still laugh at ourselves there is hope for the world.

A blonde goes into the drug store to buy some rubbers (so she can practice safe sex).

She walks up to the pharmacist and asks "How much for a box of rubbers?"

"They're a dollar for a box of three," he replied.  "Plus six cents for the tax."

"Oh," said the blonde.  "I wondered how they kept them on."

Tags: blonde, humor, jokes

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Nine Important Facts to Remember as We Grow Older:
Number 9 - Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
Number 8 - Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 7 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 6 - Men have two emotions: hungry and horny, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.
Number 5 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
Number 4 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.
Number 3 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Number 2 - In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Number 1 - Life is like a jar of jalapeño peppers. What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.
...and as someone recently said to me:
Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last that long.

Bazza wanted to buy a motorcycle.
He doesn't have much luck, until one day, he comes across a Harley with a for sale' sign on it.
The bike looks better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It's shiny and in mint condition.
He buys it and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years. 'Well, it's quite simple,' says the seller, 'whenever the bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome.
It protects it from the rain', and he hands Bazza a jar of Vaseline.
That night, his girlfriend, Shazza, invites him over to meet her parents.
Naturally, they take the bike there.
Just before they enter the house, Shazza stops him and says, 'I have to tell you something about my family. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the FIRST person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes. '
No problem,' he says…
And in they go. Bazza is shocked.
Right in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks. Dirty dishes.
They sit down to dinner, and sure enough, no one says a word. As dinner progresses, Bazza decides to take advantage of the situation. He leans over and kisses Shazza. No one says a word. He reaches over and fondles her breasts. Nobody says a word.
So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and takes her, right there in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid and her mum horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.
He looks at her mum. She's got a great body too. Bazza grabs mum, bends her over the table, pulls down her knickers, and turns her every which way but loose right there on the dinner table.
She has a big orgasm, & Bazza sits down. His girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, & mum is beaming from ear to ear.
But still....Total silence.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain..
Bazza remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket..
Suddenly the father shouted. 'I'll do the dishes!!'

A small boy named Arthur lived in the local village . None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him "You are driving me crazy Arthur!!!!!"
One day Arthur's mother came into school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mother honestly, that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and even she had never seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career!!!!
The mother was shocked at the feedback and withdrew her son from the school & even moved to another town!!!!!
25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an incurable cardio disease! All the doctors strongly advised her to have an open heart operation, which only one surgeon could perform...... Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was successful......
When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a handsome doctor smiling down at her! She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but eventually died!
The doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong, when he turned around he saw Arthur, working as a cleaner in the clinic, who had unplugged the oxygen equipment to connect his Hoover !!!!!
Don't tell me.........you thought that Arthur became a doctor, didn't you?!




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