TBD on Ning

And how do you feel about it now? Did you learn from it? Did you become different somehow? Would you do it again?

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The morning of December 28th, 2007. At 10:30am the receptionist told me my brother was here to see me. As I walked up to the lobby, I saw my entire family. I had never in my life seen their expressions in their faces. So I asked.... Is it mom?.... no they shook their heads..... ... I named a couple others and the answer was still no untill... I said, Is it My Jackie (my only daughter)... my brother said the words no parent should ever have to hear... "She's gone". My world was shattered. My only daughter at 20 yrs old was gone... My best friend would no longer be at my side. Words cannot express my pain. Even worse was that my daughters life was taken by another. It was something that could have been prevented. What kept me alive? My Grandson.. He just turned 3. He is what keeps me alive. I will continue to be the best Nana in the world to my little angel. He is the best gift i will and have ever received.
I am not sure that there is a death that hurts the heart more deeply than the death of a child VD. May your Grandson bring and be much comfort and joy to your life for many years to come.
I appreciate your kind words. Thank you.
Hardest thing I ever had to do was to tell my mom that my sister died. That sucked big time. I learned that my mother did not want to hear that her daughter died. I did become different, thinking that this could happen again as I have two brothers. Yes, I would do it again but it would suck.
The hardest thing I've ever had to do is watch my mother die of cancer. She suffered for a couple of years, having had several surgeries, including a radical mastectomy. She died when I was ten.

I can't think of anything that could happen to me now that would be as bad or worse, unless something as tragic were to happen to one of my kids.
Telling a boyfriend that his own mother had died, because I heard it first from his own brother.

Suggesting to an employer that I will take a pay cut to keep all the other employees.

Telling a boyfriend "NO, I don't want to keep having sex without dating for awhile."

Deciding that I need to get a divorce and that I have to do it myself.

Deciding that I've been homeless long enough and I need help from my (immediate) family to do this. Making the phone call was the hardest.

Telling my ex-husband that we can no longer be "friends" because we are not even friends.

Saying goodbye to my dying Mom when she did not know me or my brothers any more. Ray711 was 10. I was 14.

Life has its grown up moments.
My oldest son was diagnoised with CF at 1 year of age . For the next 3 1/2 years I watched him slowly die every day , knowing nothing I nor medical science could do would save him . Not a day passed that I did not pray for a miracle , from God or science . I never gave up hope until the moment he passed while in my arms . That was 35 years ago and I still cry for him . I learned to never not tell someone you love that you do love them as you'll never know if they'll be gone from you in a moment . I have learned patience as well . Some things can not be rushed . Hope still lives strong in me . I am much kinder for having lost my child but less tolerant of those who use illness as an excuse for not being all they can be . I've learned that I only have the now to live it as there is no guarantee that there will be a tomorrow . I've learned never to give just a little...give all or give none . I've learned that I will be hurt through loss if I love completely . I can live with that . I still choose to love completely and unconditionally . I've learned that those I love who have passed will never be far from me as long as I remember them . They live on in my heart .
I'm amazed at how brave people are here. Thank you.
Me too Kate.
Get a divorce. But anything worth having is going to be challenging. It was worth having.

To you women who chose adoption, kudos my friends. This is the ultimate act of motherhood. You put the needs of that child before your own. My sis n law cannot have kids and was able to adopt a baby a year ago and it has been tremendously successful. A heroic act for sure.




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