TBD

TBD on Ning

...The Ranch's answer to you -know - what - with no rules.

Go ahead...tell us what you're having for dinner - we can't wait! Got a cute pic of kitty peeking out of a paper bag? Post it! We live for that stuff!

Math addict? How about a refresher on the Pythagorean Theorem?

Like macaroni and cheese? Tell us why!

So even if you're not a writer or a poet (yet), there's still plenty of fun things to do at the Armadillo!

Oh baby, oh baby!



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Oh baby, oh baby!

            My brother across town stops by to use my phone at least once a week. He says he’s there to visit me, but I think he uses my phone so his calls don’t show up on his cell. He carries my land line into the garage, and I can always tell when he’s talking to his girlfriend by the pitch and roll of his voice, although I miss half of the words. His voice rolls along like a ball in the grass and bounces up with a light lift. I hear him laughing. When I can hear the words I hear him admitting things freely without expectation of censure – like his overindulgences, his hangovers and his blunders. He reads her poetry. He is as comfortable as a dog sleeping in the sun and farting at will.  He talks long and is slow to cut it off.

 

He follows me as I work around the house, venting. I am uncomfortable listening to his rants about his wife’s shortcomings and flaws – her prickliness, her indifference. Do I need to know she lacks enthusiasm for his hobbies, lets her empties pile up, sleeps under a separate blanket? Isn’t that too much information – lying heavy on my shoulders?

 

“You need to figure it out for yourself,” I tell him.

Ha!

The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.

This must be why my mother is "going on 96" ...

      ;^ }

Maybe it just seems that you live longer, especially to those to whom you complain. :-D

            Sometimes, some folks eat off their plates in the living room, instead of sitting around the table. You’ve heard of this habit? Chicken-fried steak, creamed corn, mashed Sierra Gold potatoes with white sauce….

 

A trip to the bathroom reveals a sink full of naked Barbies – all their fancily coifed ‘dos as sodden and limp as cooked linguine. These ill-proportioned nudes, stripped of their glamour, tangle their spindly limbs and freakishly tiny feet in a common porcelain bowl.

Spring is here...along with a new crop of scams! Glad I'm still on the list.


Chase Bank Account Update!!!

FROM:Chase Customer Srevice
Thursday, April 12, 2012 12:44 AM
Dear Customer,
This message is from Chase Bank Accountl Department to all account owners. We are currently upgrading our database and bank account center.

We are deleting all unused account to create more space for new accounts. 

We recently implemented a VERY LARGE Account Block due to massive scam. If you have access and are located in the AMERICAN. To upgrade your Bank account. To prevent your account from closing you will have to update it below so that we will know that it's a present used account.

Please click below to secure your account

Warning!!! Account owner that refuses to update his or her account within Seven days of receiving this warning will lose his or her account permanently from our database. 

“We are not going to eat the dog, you jerk! Every time it freakin’ snows more than an inch you start that same crap – “Uh oh, if this keeps up, we might have to eat the dog.”  It’s stupid…cut it out.”

“But what if it snows a lot?”

“I’m sure we’ll survive four to six inches.”

“No, no… I mean what if it snowed a lot…a really, really lot…say like a hundred inches?”

“The forecast says four to six…”

“I know, I know… but what if this freak storm comes and dumps…uh…like…200 inches and were trapped inside for weeks before we can get out?”

“Oh, Madone!  We have plenty of food in the basement – we’ll be fine. But you won’t be, champ -  you’ll be dead two days after the cable goes out – brain atrophy, ya know?”

“Ha ha. Look, I’m serious. What if we were in a situation where came down to eating Fluffy or starving – what would do?”

“Hmm…lessee…Fluffy weighs about eight pounds – and at least two of those pounds are bone and fur, so that leaves six pounds of edible meat. You and I might survive another week.”

“Hmm…”

“But, on the other hand, you are two hundred and sixty pounds – mostly well marbled  fat – which would be able us going for…oh, I’d say several months – at least until the spring thaw.”

“What? Keep who going?”

“Heh…heh…heh…”

 

* The preceding has been an exercise in missing and misspelled words, and poor grammar. Had this been an actual submmission, you would have been advised to send hateful and derisive responses to the author.

What's not to like about sweet cocoanut milk and fresh cocoanut meat? It didn't make such a great hit with my granddaughter after we had poured and cracked and offered her the first crush.  <sigh> Who'd a thought?

I remember not liking coconut when I first had it a zillion years ago ... so perhaps your granddaughter is not that unusual?

In other news, I'm gettin' married on Saturday! We invited three other couples to join us on a 2-1/2 hour jaunt "up the mountains" (a Philly term akin to "down the shore") in a really tacky white stretch limo. We'll drink champagne on the way up, have dinner in the Walpack Inn (you can look it up) and drive back. Who sez writers can't have Klass?!

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