It has been over 5 months now that I've had pain and discomfort in my pelvic area. A CT scan, sonogram, cystoscopy, several specific blood tests, and being seen by 3 urologists, a nephrologist, and a gastroenterologist,have eased my worries a tad since nothing alarming has been detected. But the discomfort still persists. Muscle relaxers called alpha blockers and medication to help control my stress and anxiety as a possible cause of my pelvic discomfort have provided almost no relief.
Though my wife and family doctor both do not approve of my latest decision, I have made up my mind to see an exorcist. Linda Blair, eat your heart out. Yes..I know it is unconventional and defies logic and common sense.My therapist and psychiatrist now both think I've totally lost my mind. My wife says I'm nuts. That's just the point. My nuts are sore and nothing and nobody seems to be helping this discomfort I've lived with for so many months.
Since medicine and diagnostic techniques have proved worthless,I've contacted a former witch doctor and voo doologist in Haiti. I'm using most of my personal savings and missing a week from work to see Dr. Toussaint Schlong, the most renowned exorcist my research could find. Dr. Schlong has helped such celebrities as Lindsay Lohan,Eliot Spitzer, Edward Snowden, and Justin Bieber.
I know what you are thinking but desperate times call for desperate measures. What the devil is wrong with me? I don't know... which is precisely why the devil I am seeing an exorcist. I'll keep you informed as to how the hell I am doing once the exorcism ritual is over. Dr. Schlong informed me this 24 hour battle will leave me drained physically when he's done but I'm confident he will help me. I plan on buying some voo doo dolls during my stay in Haiti at the Haiti Hilton ,one for all my physicians and sample some criollo cooking during my stay in Haiti.