TBD on Ning

This is completely just for laughs.... Do NOT think of posting anything serious or thought provoking here...EVER!






I mean it...... :-)

Tags: dead thread, key holder, roflmao, tickle me please

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Quinn, since you're on vacay, here's one:

A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here."

The mushroom says, "Why not? I'm a fungi!"

A small group of Jewish people live in a city called Trid.  Because they live in Trid, everyone calls the people Trids.  Overlooking the town lives a Rabbi.  The Rabbi watches over the town and protects the people.  However, the Rabbi is uneased because he sees that every night a monster comes down from the near by mountain and kicks every Trid in the ass, except the Rabbi.  The Rabbi watches the monster do this for a couple nights and he finally wonders why the monster doesnt bother him.  So, one night, he approaches the monster and asks him "Monster, i see you disrupt all of hte villagers every night except me, why do you do this?"
The monster pauses for a moment...thinks, and says.. "Silly Rabbi, Kicks are For Trids"

A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?"
The husband just looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like, Mr.Plumber?”

A few days went by, and he comes home from work and again his wife asks for a favor, "Honey, the car won't start, I think that it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?"

"What do I look like, Mr.Goodwrench?" was his response. Another couple of weeks go by, and it's raining pretty hard. His wife then finds a leak in the roof. She pleads with him as he's walking through the door. "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?"

He just looked at her and said "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" and sat down with a beer and watched a game on TV.

One weekend the husband woke up and it was pouring pretty hard, but the leak on the roof was gone! Speaking of leaks, he also went to take a shower, and he found that the one pipe behind the sink wasn't leaking anymore either.

His wife was coming home just then, and as she walked through the door, the husband asked, "Honey, how come there aren't any more leaks, and the car's running?"

She replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the other day I was picking up the mail, and I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything."  "Wow, did he charge us anything?" asked the husband. "No, he just said that he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sex with him" she said.

"Cool. What kind of cake did you make?" asked the husband. "Cake? What the hell do you think I look like, Betty Crocker
For the ladies.
He grasped me firmly, but gently, just above my elbow and guided me
into a room, his room. Then he quietly shut the door and we were
alone. He approached me soundlessly, from behind, and spoke in a
low, reassuring voice close to my ear.

"Just relax."

Without warning, he reached down and I felt his strong, calloused
hands start at my ankles, gently probing, and moving upward along my
calves, slowly but steadily. My breath caught in my throat.

I knew I should be afraid, but somehow I didn't care. His touch was
so experienced, so sure. When his hands moved up onto my thighs, I
gave a slight shudder, and partly closed my eyes. My pulse was
pounding. I felt his knowing fingers caress my abdomen, my ribcage.
And then, as he cupped my firm, full breasts in his hands, I inhaled

Probing, searching, knowing what he wanted, he brought his hands to my
shoulders, slid them down my tingling spine and into my panties.
Although I knew nothing about this man, I felt oddly trusting and
expectant. This is a man, I thought. A man used to taking charge. A
man not used to taking 'No' for an answer. A man who would tell me
what he wanted. A man who would look into my soul and say . . . .

"Okay ma'am, you can board your flight    now."

Ugh, Teeb, but so true.
Oh my....the chills...the anticipation....:->
That's it for me, I'll just drive. After that story I'm grounded, never to fly again......;) Hey RT, How's SOCAL doing lately?

Hey, Craig, how are you? I'm actually from SoCal but living the NoCal life. It's jobless and isolated but there are still lots of reasons to be thankful, like It hasn't hit 109 this year yet!

Keeping in touch here and offline makes life good anywhere. How 'bout you?

A pirate strolls into a bar after a long absence. The bartender notices a new peg leg and asks how he is? Aye, I'm fine, a canonball took me leg below the knee! I'm fine! The bartender notices a hook on his right hand and questions the pirate? Aye, fierce sword battle, got me right hand, with me hook, I'll be fine! Then he questions the pirate about the new eye patch. The pirate says " Twas such a glorious day,  and don't you know, as I'm scanning the heavens, a bird shits in me eye! The bartender says,.... C'mon, that wouldn't take out your eye. Aye the pirate says, first day with the new hook!   
Good one CraigD




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