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Keep Laughing!

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Keep Laughing!

The Place to crack up! Laughing is allowed 24/7!

Members: 193
Latest Activity: yesterday

Discussion Forum

Battle of the sexes 381 Replies

Started by EddieDingo. Last reply by Aggie yesterday.

Sharing The Joy Of All Animals 89 Replies

Started by ozzieowl. Last reply by Aggie Feb 27.

Blondes, Aggies, Pollocks, Morons, Little Patsy, Lena and Ole 329 Replies

Started by EddieDingo. Last reply by Aggie Feb 14.

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Comment by Aggie on May 9, 2011 at 5:51pm
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?'
Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh...I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.'
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, 'Hello son, is your Grandma home?'
The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend.'

The minister fainted.
Comment by Aggie on May 5, 2011 at 12:27am
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his beautiful, blond, female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

She opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house.

A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I've got mail!"
Comment by Aggie on May 5, 2011 at 12:24am
Cow On The Tracks

A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.

"What's going on?" she yells out the window.

"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.

Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.

Within five minutes, however, it stops again.

The woman sees the same conductor walk again.

She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"
Comment by Aggie on May 5, 2011 at 12:19am
"So Bin Laden is standing before God waiting to hear his punishment, when God gets a tap on the shoulder...There behind Him stands 343 Firemen, 72 Police Officers, one K9 Officer, 3,000 Victims & over 5,000 American Soldiers....

"Don't worry God we got this one!!!"
Comment by metub4 on May 1, 2011 at 6:30am

Crocodile in a Bar

A guy walks into a bar with a crocodile. The barman goes, "You can't bring that animal in here!" But the guy goes, "Hey, he does tricks. Watch!" He taps on the crocodile's head, and the beast opens its mouth. The guy unzips his pants, whips out his vulnerable member, and puts it in the crocodile's mouth. Then he taps on the crocodile's head again, and the beast closes its mouth. Everyone in the bar is aghast. The guy gets his penis out, and he goes, "I'll give 100 bucks to anyone who can do that." Everyone is really, really quiet. Suddenly, a drunk shouts, "I... I think I can do that. But I don't think I can leave my mouth open that long!"
Comment by metub4 on May 1, 2011 at 6:17am
Comment by metub4 on April 23, 2011 at 9:34pm

Condom Slogans

1. Cover your stump before you hump
2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3. Don't be silly, protect your willy
4. When in doubt, shroud your spout
5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner
6. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong
7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it
8. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey
9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize
10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick
12. If you go into heat, package your meat
13. While you're undressing venus, dress up your penis
14. When you take off her pants and blouse, slip up your trouser mouse
15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member
16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker
17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool
18. The right selection will protect your erection
19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil
20. A crank with armor will never harm her
21. No glove, no love!

Comment by Aggie on April 23, 2011 at 3:13pm
Condoms

A man and his son go into a pharmacy and stand in-front of the condoms that read: 3-6-12-.. the boy ask's his father:' Dad what are condoms? the father replys: Condoms are used by men to practice safe sex.. The boy than say's: I think I remember having a class like that in school, but why are there 3 in that package. The father reply's: Son those are for the high school boy's. Once on Friday, once on Saturday and once on Sunday.. and dad, why are there 6 in that package ? son those are for the college boy's; Twice on Friday, twice on Saturday, twice on Sunday. Finally the father makes a decession and grabs the package of 12.. The boy is flambergasted and asked his father, wooh, who are those for ? Those are for married folks son, once in Janurary, once in Feburary, once in Marchhhhhhhhhhhhh...hahah
Comment by metub4 on March 10, 2011 at 4:06pm
Responses to Pick Up Lines

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

Man: So, wanna go back to my place ?
Woman: Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

Man: I'd like to call you. What's your number?
Woman: It's in the phone book.
Man: But I don't know your name.
Woman: That's in the phone book too.

Man: So what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: What sign were you born under?
Woman: No Parking.

Man: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not Enter

Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone.

Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

Man: I can tell that you want me.
Woman: Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you.....to leave.

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:
Woman: Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die
laughing.

Man: Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?
Woman: Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I'd go through anything for you.
Woman: Good! Let's start with your bank account.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?
Comment by Aggie on February 21, 2011 at 5:40pm
My Favorite Animal !
Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else in the class laughed.
My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children.
So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders."

Guess where I am now...???
 

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