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Keep Laughing!

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Keep Laughing!

The Place to crack up! Laughing is allowed 24/7!

Members: 193
Latest Activity: yesterday

Discussion Forum

Battle of the sexes 381 Replies

Started by EddieDingo. Last reply by Aggie yesterday.

Sharing The Joy Of All Animals 89 Replies

Started by ozzieowl. Last reply by Aggie Feb 27.

Blondes, Aggies, Pollocks, Morons, Little Patsy, Lena and Ole 329 Replies

Started by EddieDingo. Last reply by Aggie Feb 14.

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Comment by metub4 on May 18, 2011 at 1:35pm

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him that she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.

"But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked.

He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write "spaghetti" on the back. I'll take care of expenses." Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.

Six months went by, and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and said, "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means."

The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you."

Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard, and fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the hospital emergency room. The head medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.

So the wife picked up the card and read: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs; two without."

Comment by Aggie on May 17, 2011 at 8:59pm
There was a very sweet old lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.

"Is there anything breakable in here?" the postal clerk asked.

The old lady looked confused for a moment and answered, "The Ten Commandments?"
Comment by Aggie on May 17, 2011 at 8:56pm
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage owned by someone who obviously had a sense of humor. Attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign that read:

"Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
Comment by Aggie on May 17, 2011 at 8:32pm
Doctor to old man: I just got done checking out your wife. I'm sorry to tell you, but she has acute angina.

Old Man: Sorry? That's why I married her!
Comment by Aggie on May 17, 2011 at 8:30pm
An elderly couple, in their 80's, went to a sex therapist's office and asks the doctor to watch them have sex. The doc is so amazed at such an elderly couple wanting sexual advise that he agrees. After watching them, the doc says, "There is absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have sex." He charges them $50 and they go on their way. The couple returns the next week and again ask the doc to watch them have sex. After several weeks of this, the doc finally asked the couple what they wanted him to find out. The old man replies, "we're not trying to find out anything. I'm married, so we can't go to my house, she's married so we can't go to her house. The Holiday Inn charges $98, the Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50 and Medicare pays $43 of it, leaving me only $7 to pay to get some realations & since ur a doctor it's confidential!
Comment by metub4 on May 15, 2011 at 6:37am
A little boy is playing with his new football and a little girl asks if she can play. He tells her, "No. These are for boys."

The little girl runs into the house and tells her mother. The next day the girl sticks her tongue out at the boy and waves her new football in his face. The little boy angrily points to his boy's bike and says, "Oh yeah? Well, only boys can get these!"

But the next day, the little girl has the same bike. The little boy gets furious, pulls down his pants, points to his unit, and says, "Look, only boys have these and your mom can't buy you one!"

The next day he walks by and the little girl promptly pulls up her dress, points to her bits, and proclaims, "My mother tells me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of those as I want."
Comment by metub4 on May 11, 2011 at 7:38pm
che è buona
Comment by Aggie on May 11, 2011 at 6:06pm
Two Italians

NO SPEAKAH DE ENGLISH

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
But her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more! .
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time.'

The lady can't take this anymore,
"You foul- mouthed sex obsessed pig!"
She retorted indignantly.

'In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives!"

'Hey, coola down lady,' said the man, 'Whooza talkin' about sex?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell ' Mississippi '..
Comment by metub4 on May 10, 2011 at 9:58am

BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

GOSSIP:
Never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

KLEENEX:
Cold Storage.

INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN:
Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE:
The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES:
Something other people have. You have character lines.

Comment by Aggie on May 9, 2011 at 6:38pm
I was confused! I became confused when I heard

the word service used with these agencies:

Internal Revenue 'Service'



U.S. Postal 'Service'



Telephone 'Service'



Cable TV 'Service'

Civil 'Service'

State, City, County & Public 'Service'



Customer 'Service'

This is not what I thought 'Service' meant.

But, today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'Service' all his cows. BAM! It all came into focus.

Now, I understand what all those agencies are doing to us.

You are now as enlightened as I am.
 

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