Keep Laughing!

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Comment by Jim Best on August 28, 2009 at 7:47am

2 women are in their office working, one is a blonde, the other a redhead. A dozen red roses are delivered to the red head after lunch on Friday. She said " I suppose I will have to spend this weekend on my back with my legs open" The blonde replied " don't you have a vase"

Comment by L.C. DeMartin on August 28, 2009 at 12:04am

Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back.

Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.

Q. What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A. A private tutor.

I know these are old and tired jokes. I posted them as
a favor to my old friend P. Dawn Knightly

Comment by Aggie on August 27, 2009 at 7:05pm

An 86-year-old man went for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results.
The doctor said, 'George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and motionally? Are you at peace with God?'
George replied, 'God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I'm done, poof! The light goes off.'
'Wow, that's incredible,' the doctor said. A little later in the day, the doctor called George's wife.
'Ethel,' he said, 'George is doing fine!
But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God.
Is it true that when he gets up during the night to go to the bathroom that, poof!
The light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof! The light goes off?'
'Oh, my Lord!' Ethel exclaimed, 'He's peeing in the refrigerator again!'

Comment by OCNaturalDoc on August 27, 2009 at 3:46pm

This is a true story that happened during a Michigan newscast, which had half the state laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, going forward, think before she speaks.

What happens when you predict snow but don't get any? The day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, a female news anchor turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Comment by Aggie on August 26, 2009 at 5:40pm

After the eighty-three year old lady finished her annual physical examination, the doctor said, "You are in fine shape for your age, Mrs. Mallory, but tell me, do you still have intercourse?"

"Just a minute, I'll have to ask my husband," she said. She stepped out into the crowded reception room and yelled out loud: "Bob, do we still have intercourse?" And there was a hush .

You could hear a pin drop.

Bob answered impatiently, "If I told you once, Irma, I told you a hundred times...

What we have is...

Blue Cross!"

Comment by Patti on August 26, 2009 at 11:21am

Very funny Billy.............you should take your show on the road!

Comment by Billy Bones on August 26, 2009 at 10:06am

I am passing this on to you because it definitely works, and we could
all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice
heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace. Dr. Phil
proclaimed, 'The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things
you have started and have never finished.' So, I looked around my house
to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving
the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of White Zinfandel, a
bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my
old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos, and a
box of chocolates. You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now.

Comment by Billy Bones on August 24, 2009 at 7:18am

A married couple were in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful skin!

One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?" My darling, " she replied, " I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.

There now, doesn't that just make you warm all over ?

Comment by Thomas William Farquhar on August 24, 2009 at 12:51am

In the Old West the new husband and his bride are in their horse and buggy on their way home. The horse sees a snake and rears up, the man cracks his whip and says "Whoa Nelly, and that`s once." A little further his horse rears again, the man again cracks his whip and again says "Whoa Nelly, and that`s twice". Eventually just as they arrive at themans` ranch the horse rears again, the man says "That`s it!" He gets out and shoots the horse. His bride says "Jethro why be so cruel?" The man answers "Whoa wife, that`s once."

Comment by Billy Bones on August 23, 2009 at 2:41pm

You're welcome Kit Kat... glad you enjoyed it.

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