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The Place to crack up! Laughing is allowed 24/7!
Members: 193
Latest Activity: Apr 9
Discussion Forum
Blondes, Aggies, Pollocks, Morons, Little Patsy, Lena and Ole 339 Replies
Started by EddieDingo. Last reply by Aggie Apr 9.
Battle of the sexes 383 Replies
Started by EddieDingo. Last reply by Aggie Apr 2.
Sharing The Joy Of All Animals 89 Replies
Started by ozzieowl. Last reply by Aggie Feb 27.
Comment Wall
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Comment by Billy Bones on September 17, 2009 at 7:17pm
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WARNING!!!! DO NOT SHARE WITH ANY FEMALE UNLESS YOU ARE LOOKING FOR TROUBLE!!!!!!!
Fall Classes for Women at
THE
ADULT LEARNING CENTER
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Friday, Sept. 4, 2009
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL,
CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation
Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM
Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Fussing About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?
Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM
Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined
Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM..
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering To Take a List To The Store, Avoiding Separate Trips for Each Item Needed.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration..
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
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Comment by Aggie on September 9, 2009 at 8:35pm
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Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for!!
Will Rogers
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Summary of Life
GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats..
2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the
second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap..
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground..
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the
toy.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional..
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're
down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking
chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers
to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . . . Not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . Having friends.
At age 17 success is . . Having a driver's license.
At age 35 success is . . . .having money.
At age 50 success is . .. . Having money.
At age 70 success is . .. . Having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . Having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . Not piddling in your pants.
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Comment by L.C. DeMartin on September 8, 2009 at 10:00am
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"age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!"
It's experience and treachery overcome youth and skill.
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A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof." The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price." The dog replied, "But that would make no sense at all!"
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Odd, you don't have to write to learn by rote.
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Comment by Arthur Schroeck on September 5, 2009 at 9:19am
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People who don't believe in gosh, go to heck.
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The Drunk
A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling
back and forth.
A cop on the beat sees him and approaches,
'Can I help you Sir?'
'Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr', the man replies.
The cop asks, 'Where was your car the last time you saw it?'
'It wasss on the end of thisshh key', the man replies.
About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's wiener hanging
out of his fly for all the world to see.
He asks the man, 'Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?'
Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without
missing a beat, blurts out....
'Holy shit! My girlfriend's gone, too!!
No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG - www.avg.com
Version: 8.5.409 / Virus Database: 270.13.74/2339 - Release Date: 09/01/09 06:52:00
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Snoring and the Cowboy
The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night." The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing -hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night." The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it. They said, "Man, what happened?"
He said, "Well, we got ready for bed.. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Bob sat up and watched me all night."
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