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Keep Laughing!

The Place to crack up! Laughing is allowed 24/7!

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Latest Activity: Aug 4

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Battle of the sexes 204 Replies

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Comment by Billy Bones on August 12, 2009 at 6:44am
STRESS MANAGEMENT TECHNIQUE

Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile..

1 Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream..


2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.


3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.


4. No one knows your secret place.


5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.


6. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.


7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of the person you are holding underwater.

There!! See? It really does work... You're smiling already. :-)
Comment by Emmett S on August 11, 2009 at 8:37am
AAADD
KNOW THE SYMPTOMS......PLEASE READ!
Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder.
Somehow I feel better even though I have it!!
Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. -
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table,
put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back
on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think,
since I'm going to be near the mailbox
when I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table,
and see that there is only one check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study,
so I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks,
but first I need to push the Pepsi aside
so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

The Pepsi is getting warm,
and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,
a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need water.
I put the Pepsi on the counter and discover my reading glasses that
I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk,
but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter,
fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table,
so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers,
but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table,
get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to
remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:
the car isn't washed
the bills aren't paid
there is a warm can of
Pepsi sitting on the counter
the flowers don't have enough water,
there is still only 1 check in my check book,
I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day,
and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem,
and I'll try to get some help for it,
but first I'll check my e-mail....
Comment by OCNaturalDoc on August 11, 2009 at 1:41am
DEAR ABBY WAS AT A LOSS TO ANSWER THE FOLLOWING:

Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?

Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.

Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?
Comment by Billy Bones on August 10, 2009 at 1:57pm
Scam warning...serious A MUST READ

A "heads up" for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works:
Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy
T-shirts. It is impossible not to look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you
for a ride to another Home Depot. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen February 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, & 24th. Also March 1st, 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th, 30th, three times last Saturday and very likely will again this upcoming weekend. So tell your friends to be careful.

P.S. Walmart has wallets on sale $2.99 each
Comment by Billy Bones on August 9, 2009 at 4:58pm
LAUGH FOR THE DAY (racial) way too funny

I was at my bank today; there was a short line. Just one lady in front of
me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious
she was a little irritated. . ..

She asked the teller, 'Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla
fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?'

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Fluctuations.'

The Asian lady says, 'Fluc you white people too!'

(To the oversensitive… remember this is a JOKE…great play on words.)
Comment by OCNaturalDoc on August 6, 2009 at 6:53pm
good one, LC!
Comment by L.C. DeMartin on August 6, 2009 at 8:24am
A termite walks into a pub and says,
"Is the bar tender here?"
Comment by OCNaturalDoc on August 3, 2009 at 7:51pm

Comment by OCNaturalDoc on August 3, 2009 at 3:03pm
This guy thought he had the world's BEST tattoo

....'til he went to prison.
Comment by Billy Bones on August 1, 2009 at 3:53pm
Sedona... love that clip... too funny.
 

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