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Discussion Forum
Child Chatter 51 Replies
Started by ozzieowl. Last reply by Aggie 6 hours ago.
Blondes, Aggies, Pollocks, Morons, Little Patsy, Lena and Ole 339 Replies
Started by EddieDingo. Last reply by Aggie Apr 9.
Battle of the sexes 383 Replies
Started by EddieDingo. Last reply by Aggie Apr 2.
Comment Wall
Comment
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Comment by Aggie on November 30, 2010 at 9:50pm
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Comment by metub4 on November 24, 2010 at 4:45pm
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There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his
money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more
than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife,
"Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the
casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife." So he got his wife
to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the
money in the casket with him.
Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket; the wife was
sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the
ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the
wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a shoebox with her; she came over
with the box and placed it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the
casket down and rolled it away.
Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in
the casket.
"She said, "Yes, I promised. I'm a good Christian I can't lie," I promised
him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with
him?"
"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account
and I wrote him a check."
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I hope you can find your turkey and share it with family and friends.
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The Koala Bear
A koala bear was approached by a prostitute. Since he
had never been with one before, he was curious and
excited. They spent the night together in a hotel, and
he went down on her the next morning one last time
before departing.
As he was heading for the door, the prostitute yelled,
"Hey, what about my money?"
The koala turned, gave her a puzzled look and shrugged
his shoulders.
"Come here," she said and pulled a dictionary out of
her purse. She pointed to the word "prostitute" and
its definition: "Has sex and gets paid."
Finally understanding, the koala borrowed her
dictionary, turned to the word "koala" and showed her
the definition: "Eats bush and leaves."
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A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye....
It reads:
SISTERS OF ST FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES
He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought....
Soon he sees another sign which reads:
SISTERS OF ST FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES
Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying:
SISTERS OF ST FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT
His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading :
SISTERS OF ST FRANCIS
He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you my son?"
He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business...."
"Very well, my son. Please follow me." He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, "Please knock on this door."
He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup, answers the door. This nun instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway."
He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him.
The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign :
GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER
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Things you can say at Thanksgiving and get away with!
1 . Talk about a huge breast!
2 . Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. It's Cool Whip time!
4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!
5. Whew, that's one terrific spread!
6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
10. Don't play with your meat.
11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.
12. D o you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in?
16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!
18. That's the biggest one I've ever seen!
19. How long do I beat it before it's ready?
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Comment by Slayer Dug on November 22, 2010 at 2:51pm
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A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and
noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he
wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father.'
The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.'
The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of
many.'
The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and
he doesn't wear his collar that way!'
The priest, getting impatient, said 'I am the Father of hundreds',
and went back to reading his book. The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and
said, 'Maybe you should wear a condom and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar.'
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A man walks into a bar and at the end of the bar he sees the owner drinking with his mule.
Above the bar is a sign that reads: "$100 To The Person That Makes The Mule Laugh"
Below that line is another tat reads: "$500 To The Person That Makes The Mule Cry"
Behind the bar is a jar loaded with money from patrons that have tried and failed.
After a few drinks the man decides he's going to win all the money in the jar and announces
it to everybody in the bar. The owner thinking the man is just drunk and has money to lose,
looks at the man and says, "You're on, stranger. Many men have come before you and they
only managed to make my mule laugh. Nobody has ever made my mule cry. There's no way in
Hell that jar full of money is ever leaving this bar.
The man and the mule exit through the back door of the bar and within a few minutes everybody
in the bar hears the old familiar sound of the mule laughing hysterically. After a brief period of silence,
everybody in the bar hears a sound they had never heard nor did they think they would ever hear; the mule crying like a baby.
The man and the mule walk back into the bar and the bartender seeing the tears in the mule's eyes and having heard like everybody else in the bar having heard the mule cry, gives the man all the money in the jar.
After settling his tab, the man takes the prize money and starts for the door. Before he can leave, the owner of the bar and the mule looks at the man and says, "Stranger, many men have come in and accepted the challenge and made my mule laugh but none had ever made my mule cry. Now, before you walk out of here with all that money, will you please tell me and everybody here in the bar how you managed to make my mule cry?"
The man looks at the owner and says, "Well first I took your mule out back and told him that I have a bigger d*ck than he has and he started laughing like a hyena. He started crying like a baby when I took it out and showed him."
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An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna
hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair,Given that you
are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde
joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not
if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
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