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Keep Laughing!

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Keep Laughing!

The Place to crack up! Laughing is allowed 24/7!

Members: 193
Latest Activity: 22 hours ago

Discussion Forum

Battle of the sexes 381 Replies

Started by EddieDingo. Last reply by Aggie 22 hours ago.

Sharing The Joy Of All Animals 89 Replies

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Blondes, Aggies, Pollocks, Morons, Little Patsy, Lena and Ole 329 Replies

Started by EddieDingo. Last reply by Aggie Feb 14.

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Comment by reggie on October 16, 2009 at 1:27pm
that is just telling me that you cant let other people drive you crazy
Comment by Billy Bones on October 16, 2009 at 8:03am
IDIOT SIGHTING:
We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not.' Four is larger than two.'

We haven't used Sears repair since.

IDIOT SIGHTING:
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, 'you gave me too much money. I said 'yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.' She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but they could not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.

IDIOT SIGHTING:
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.

IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

Happened in Birmingham, AL

IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?'

She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS

IDIOT SIGHTING:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to 'downsizing.' Our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

IDIOT SIGHTING:
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.

IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I distinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!' His reply, 'I know. I already got that side.' This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS

STAY ALERT!

They walk among us ... and the scary part is that they VOTE and they REPRODUCE
Comment by Billy Bones on September 25, 2009 at 8:45pm
Topic isn't funny... but this guy is:
Achmed_The_Dead_Terroist.wmv
Comment by reggie on September 25, 2009 at 11:57am
if you was not noisy you would not have got poked in the eye lol lol lol///
Comment by Billy Bones on September 25, 2009 at 9:25am
How I learned to mind my own business...........

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, '13....13....13.'


The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on.....

Some bastard poked me in the eye with a stick!

Then they all started shouting '14....14....14'...
Comment by reggie on September 23, 2009 at 2:51pm
stay away from mommyshe gets crazy when she drinks
Comment by reggie on September 21, 2009 at 4:59pm
last week i vsaw some freinds i have not saw in 25yrs we laughed non-stop from 8o clock until
1oclock the next day i had so much fun it was great
Comment by Margie Arias on September 20, 2009 at 5:12pm
Maxine:

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember
1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written
An impressive new book. It 's called .......
' Ministers Do More Than Lay People '
2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink
And be Mary.
3. The difference between the Pope and
Your boss, the Pope only expects you
To kiss his ring.
4. My mind works like lightning, One brilliant
Flash and it is gone.
5. The only time the world beats a path to
Your door is if you 're in the bathroom.
6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once.
The seat folded up, the drink spilled and
That ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
7. It used to be only death and taxes
Now, of course, there 's
Shipping and handling, too.
8. A husband is someone who, after taking
The trash out, gives the impression that
He just cleaned the whole house.
9 My next house will have no kitchen - just
Vending machines and a large trash can.
10. A blonde said, ' I was worried that my
Mechanic might try to rip me off.
I was relieved when he told me all
I needed was turn signal fluid. '
11. Definition of a teenager?
God's punishment for enjoying sex.
12. As you slide down the banister of life, may
The splinters never point the wrong way
Comment by Billy Bones on September 19, 2009 at 5:23pm
And Then the Fight Started
==============================

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...
==============================

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace

Expensive...

So, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started...
==============================

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my

Order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...
==============================

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold

cream.

And then the fight started....
==============================

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her

Not as much as the dress that she had worn yesterday.

And then the fight started.....
==============================

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.

Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man

'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'

So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the

window.

He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his

car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed

at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'

The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'

And then the fight started.....
==============================

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....
==============================

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we

were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started.
Comment by Billy Bones on September 17, 2009 at 7:17pm
WARNING!!!! DO NOT SHARE WITH ANY FEMALE UNLESS YOU ARE LOOKING FOR TROUBLE!!!!!!!

Fall Classes for Women at
THE
ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Friday, Sept. 4, 2009

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL,
CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation
Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Fussing About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?
Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.


Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering To Take a List To The Store, Avoiding Separate Trips for Each Item Needed.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration..
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
 

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