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Keep Laughing!

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Keep Laughing!

The Place to crack up! Laughing is allowed 24/7!

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Comment by Lowell Brandon on March 11, 2010 at 10:21am
One year, we took our 16' trailerable boat on a trip to Canada. We thought we had tied the boat down properly, but as we rounded a curve, the boat slid off the trailer and did the most beautiful slide across the pavement I've ever seen. And the boat was legal, too - it stayed in our lane. We were very lucky that people following us helped us to lift our 700-pound back on the trailer, but boy, were we embarrased!!
Comment by Lowell Brandon on March 11, 2010 at 10:14am
DEAR ABBY ADMITTED SHE WAS AT A LOSS TO ANSWER THE FOLLOWING!

Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

Dear Abby, What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence On My VCR?

Dear Abby, I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.

Dear Abby, I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss mone y with him.

Dear Abby, I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

Dear Abby, Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

Dear Abby, I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?

Dear Abby, My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.

Dear Abby, I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.

Dear Abby, My mother is mean and short tempered I think she is going through mental pause.

Dear Abby, You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?

Remember these people can vote, which probably explains the current situation in Washington, DC.
Comment by Lowell Brandon on March 10, 2010 at 6:26pm
Years ago I was on a bus where a couple of fellows at the back were conversing at top volume. There ordinary conversation was hilarious, then they got to swapping jokes. This was one of them.

Mike and his pregnant wife live on a farm in the distant rural regions of Ireland with no running water, no electricity, none of the creature comforts. One night, Mikes' wife goes into labor. The local doctor is there in attendance.

"What d'ya want me to do, Doctor?"

"Hold the lantern, Mikey. Here it comes!" The doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see. "Mike, you're the proud father of a fine strapping boy."

"Saints be praised, I..."

Before Mike can finish the doctor interrupts, "Wait a minute. Hold the lantern, Mikey." Soon the doctor delivers the next child. "You've a full set now, Mikey. A beautiful baby daughter."

"Thanks be to..."

Again the doctor cuts in. "Hold the lantern, Mikey! Hold the lantern!" Soon the doctor delivers a third child. The doctor holds up the third baby for Mike's inspection.

"Doctor," asks Mike, "do you think it's the light that's attracting 'em?"
Comment by Lowell Brandon on March 10, 2010 at 6:25pm
These are real notes written from parents in a Mississippi School District. (Spellings have been left intact.)

My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33

Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days.Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.

Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
Comment by Lowell Brandon on March 10, 2010 at 6:24pm
George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"
He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.

Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available..."

George said, "Okay."

He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.

"Hello,I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed... Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both, the dogs are eating them right now." and he hung up.

Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George , "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"


(True Story) I LOVE IT!

Don't mess with old people.


Live well, laugh often, love much!!!
Comment by Lowell Brandon on March 10, 2010 at 6:21pm
Stunt Driver

A car sped off the highway, went through the guardrail, rolled down a cliff, bounced off a tree and finally shuddered to a stop. A passing motorist, who had witnessed the entire accident, helped the miraculously unharmed driver out of the wreck. "Goodness, mister" he gasped, "Are you drunk?" "Of course!" said the man, brushing the dirt from his suit. "What the heck do you think I am? ...a stunt driver?"

"My parents are from Glasgow, which means they are incredibly hard, but I was never smacked as a child... Well, maybe one or two grams to get me to sleep at night"
Susan Murray

The price of Prozac doubled last year. When Prozac users were asked what they thought about the increase, they said, "Whatever..."
Comment by Lowell Brandon on March 10, 2010 at 6:19pm
Here's another incident that happened on the ranch with dad's truck. I went down to the barn to do chores, and left a gate open along the way. When I finished the chores, I headed the truck back up the lane, not realizing that my sister has closed the barbed wire gate in the meantime. My eyesight isn't the greatest, and the truck plowed right through the whole gate, barbed wire and all, and drug the barbed wire all over the place. Man, what a job THAT was to fix!!
Comment by Lowell Brandon on March 9, 2010 at 10:05am
A Little "HOLY" Humor!


LOT'S WIFE; The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot 's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt , when little Jason interrupted, 'My Mommy looked back once while she was driving,' he announced triumphantly, 'and she turned into a telephone pole!'

GOOD SAMARITAN
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan . She asked the class, 'If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?'
A thoughtful Little girl broke the hushed silence, 'I think I'd throw up.'

DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked, 'Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?'
'No,' replied Johnny. 'How could he, with just two worms.'

HIGHER POWER
A Sunday school teacher said to her children, 'We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a Higher Power . Can anybody tell me what it is?'
One child blurted out, 'Aces!'

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23 . She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter. Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, 'The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."

BEING THANKFUL
A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, 'So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?'
The little boy replied, 'Thank God he's in bed!'

TIME TO PRAY
A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night.
'Yes, Sir,' the boy replied.
'And, do you always say them in the morning too?' the pastor asked.
'No sir,' the boy replied. 'I ain't scared in the daytime.'

SAY A PRAYER
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away..
'Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer.' said his mother.
'I don't need to,' the boy replied..
'Of course, you do,' his mother insisted. 'We always say a prayer before eating at our house.'
'That's at our house,' Johnny explained. 'But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook!'
Comment by Lowell Brandon on March 9, 2010 at 10:00am
Funny story about a former cat in our family. It's quite common for cats to be fascinated by bathtubs. My sis left some water in the bathtub. We had a cat that must have had poor eyesight, or who just wasn't paying attention. The cat jumped straight into the bathtub full of water, and hightailed it back out of the water faster than I've ever seen a cat exit out of bathtub!!! We had a very mad cat for awhile!! Just goes to prove the old adage: "Look before you leap!"
Comment by kc on March 8, 2010 at 4:46pm
Jokes about spring fever! Post your favorite!
Spring Fever

Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire.

Much to their relief she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper."

Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said: "First Question: Which tire was flat?"
 

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