Long-winded preacher

[Lowell Brandon]

At a former church I attended, the preacher would always announce the number of verses he had found that pertained to the topic for the day. One day the minister forgot to mention the number of verses. I knew it was going to be a long day when a gentleman in the audience started to raise his hand, and before the man even got his arm halfway up, the preacher pointed to the man and yelled "37!"

[Golanv]

I used to have to go to a fundie church as a kid. The preacher was really one of those extreme hellfire and brimstone preachers. He would get all wound up, mopping his head with hankerchief, and say "UGHH..!" between every other word sometimes. Yelling "All UGHH like UGHH... satan's UGHH children, UGHH...In UGHH viting UGHH damn UGHH nation. UGHH... So I was doing the little thing of making 4 verticals with a slash to make 5 on the paper they gave me and counting the "UGHHs" in the sermon. I really got caught up in it when there were hundreds and I freaked out when my much older cousin poked me. I thought I was in big trouble but she whispered, "You missed one." :)

[Lowell Brandon]

That's cute, Golanv.

[Doug Smith]

One day Preacher Johnson woke up in the parsonage down in the holler and he noticed his horse was missing. So he went to Deacon Bartlett's house with the news and to hatch a plan to find the horse. He told the deacon, "I'm going to preach a sermon on Sunday and when I get to the part about 'Thou shalt not steal', I'm gonna bear down real hard and make the thief feel guilty so he returns the horse." Well, Sunday's sermon came and went without the emphasis on stealing the preacher had planned. Afterward, Deacon Bartlett said to the preacher, "I thought you were gonna bear down on the part about not stealin'." And the preacher replied, "Yeah, but when I got to the part about "Thou shalt not commit adultery', I remembered where I left my horse."