These jokes may not be entirely politically correct, but if we can still laugh at ourselves there is hope for the world.
A blonde goes into the drug store to buy some rubbers (so she can practice safe sex).
She walks up to the pharmacist and asks "How much for a box of rubbers?"
"They're a dollar for a box of three," he replied. "Plus six cents for the tax."
"Oh," said the blonde. "I wondered how they kept them on."
A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners.
At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, Genesis 3:10."
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."
Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was naked.
A little old couple walked slowly into McDonald's that cold winter evening. They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there
that night. Some of the customers looked admiringly at them.
You could tell what the admirers were thinking: "Look, there is a couple who has
been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!"
The little old man walked right up to the cash register, placed his order with
no hesitation and then paid for their meal. The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray. There was one hamburger, one
order of french fries and one drink.
The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half.
He placed one half in front of his wife. Then he carefully counted out the french fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of
his wife. He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup
down between them.
As the man began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the crowd began to get restless. Again you could tell what they were thinking: "That poor old couple.
All they can afford is one meal for the two of them." As the man began to eat
his french fries one young man stood and came over to the old couple's table.
He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple to eat. The old man
replied that they were just fine. They were used to sharing everything.
Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She just
sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy them something to eat. The man again explained that no, they were used to sharing everything together.
As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer. Again he came over to their table and offered to buy some food. After being politely refused again, he finally asked a question of the little old lady: "Ma'am, why aren't you eating?
You said that you share everything. What is it that you are waiting for?"
She answered, "The teeth."
One day a little girl was watching her mom make a roast beef. She cut off the ends, wrapped it in string, seasoned it and set it in the roasting pan.
The little girl asked her mom why she cut off the ends of the roast. Mom replied, after some thought, that it was the way that her mother had done it.
That night grandma came to dinner and the little girl and her mom went to her and asked why she had cut the end off of the roast before cooking. After some thought grandma replied, that was the way her mother had done it.
Now great grandmother was quite old and in a nursing home. But the little girl went with her mom and grandma to see her and again asked the question.
Grandma looked at them a bit annoyed and said, "So it would fit in the pan, of course."
Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Los Angeles. The Brunette team rides on the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides on the top level.
The Brunette team down below is living it up having a great time when one of them realizes she doesn’t hear anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate.
When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. She says, “What the heck’s goin’ on up here? We’re havin’ a grand time downstairs!”
One of the Blondes looks up and says, “Yeah, but you’ve got a driver!”