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Laughter is the best medicine

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Laughter is the best medicine

I Even if there is nothing to laugh about, laugh on credit. ~Author Unknown

Members: 74
Latest Activity: Oct 30, 2013

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I'M IN THE WRONG DEPARTMENT

 Working on my team of merchandisers last week, we had the assignment of resetting the feminine hygiene section. I'll be the first to admit I don't know these products well. I'm not just talking…Continue

Started by Mark Joel Lane Dec 28, 2012.

LOST AND FOUND

 Our federal government has announced the formation of a needed and long overdue cabinet agency: the Department of Lost and Found. (DLF.org,). There has been an epidemic of epic proportions that has…Continue

Started by Mark Joel Lane Dec 20, 2012.

WAR ON OBESITY HITS NATION'S GUT

      In an unprecedented act two days ago, President Obama declared war on Denmark citing how Haagendazs ice cream has caused serious problems of increasing obesity and girth.  The President feels…Continue

Started by Mark Joel Lane Dec 19, 2012.

THE INCREDIBLE EGG

     What you are about to read really happened.  This is one of the most bizarre events in the annals of science. I was about to make scrambled eggs for breakfast this past weekend. Upon cracking…Continue

Started by Mark Joel Lane Dec 18, 2012.

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Comment by Sedona7 on March 13, 2010 at 8:20pm

Comment by metub4 on March 13, 2010 at 9:24am
A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids.

"WOW," the social worker exclaims, "are they ALL YOURS???"

"Yep they all mine," the flustered momma sighs, having heard that
question a thousand times before. She says, "Sit down Leroy."
All the children rush to find seats.

"Well," says the social worker, "then you must be
here to sign up. I'll need all your childrens' names."


"This one's my oldest - he is Leroy."

"OK, and who's next?"
"Well, this one he is Leroy, also."


The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by
one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy. Then she
is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy!


"All right," says the caseworker. "I'm seeing a pattern here. Are
they ALL named Leroy?"

Their Momma replied, "Well, yes it makes it easier. When it is
time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell,' Leroy!'

An' when it's time for dinner, I just
yell 'Leroy!' an' they all comes a runnin.'

An' if I needed to stop the kid who's running into the street, I
just yell 'Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I
ever had, namin' them all Leroy."

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her
forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE
kid to come, and not the whole bunch?"

"I call them by their last name.".
Comment by metub4 on March 7, 2010 at 5:02pm
CHINESE SICK LEAVE : 'I NO COME WORK TODAY!!!'

Hung Chow calls into work and says, 'Hey, I no come work
today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs
hurt, I no come work.'

The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really
need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my
wife and tell her to give me sex. That Makes everything
better and I go to work.. You try that.'

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what You
say and I feel Great. I be at work soon.........You got
nice house'
Comment by codger price on March 6, 2010 at 4:44am
No More Drinking
A depressed-looking regular enters a bar and orders a Coke. The bartender asks why he doesn't want his usual shot of whiskey.

"I quit drinking," the man replies. "Last night I blew chunks."

"What's so horrible about that?" the bartender asks. "Everyone gets sick once in a while after a long night of drinking."

"No, no," the man replies. "You don't understand. Chunks is my dog."
Comment by metub4 on March 4, 2010 at 4:09pm
A few deep thoughts

* A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is
where train stops. On my desk, I have a work station...

* If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool
came up with "quit while you're ahead"?

* I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible
whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me. they
were cramming for their finals.

* I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little
tiny spoons and forks, so I wonder what Chinese mothers
use...Toothpicks?

* Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post
Office? What are we supposed to do...write to these men? Why
don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so
the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the
mail?

* How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

* If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?

* Go ahead and take risks....just be sure that everything will turn out OK.

* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

* Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

* Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

* How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And
who has been dissing them anyhow?

* Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why
people appear bright until you hear them speak?

* How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?

* If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be
twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Comment by codger price on March 4, 2010 at 5:34am
Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator.

Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."

The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"

There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street, and you pick her up there?"
Comment by metub4 on February 28, 2010 at 8:03am
One day, while going to the store, I passed by an assisted living facility.

On the front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass.

I thought this was a touch unusual, but continued on my
way to the store.

On my return trip, I passed the same assisted living
facility with the same six old ladies lying naked on the lawn.
This time my curiosity and perhaps a bit of
concern got the best of me, so I went inside to talk to
the Assisted Living Facility Administrator.

'Do you know there are six ladies lying naked on your
front lawn?'

'Yes,' she said. 'They're retired prostitutes. They're
having a yard sale.'
Comment by codger price on February 26, 2010 at 6:11pm
June
and Marge are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. June pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Marge: What in the hell is that?

June: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Marge: Where did you get it?

June: You can get them at any pharmacy..

The next day, Marge hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a
Camel.'

The pharmacist fainted.
Comment by metub4 on February 26, 2010 at 2:45pm
that's a rough one
Comment by codger price on February 26, 2010 at 12:27pm
Bubba and Earl were in the local bar enjoying a beer when they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle. They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop.

The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize. Earl won 1st prize, a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra-long spaghetti. Bubba won 6th prize, a toilet brush.

About a week or so had passed when the men met back in the neighborhood bar for a couple of beers. Bubba asked Earl how he liked his prize, to which Earl replied, "Great, I love spaghetti! How about you, how's that toilet brush?"

"Not so good," replied Bubba, "I reckon I'm gonna go back to paper."
 

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