Husband says: When I get mad at you, You never fight back. How do you control your anger?
Wife says: I clean the toilet...
Husband says: How does that help?
Wife says: I use your Toothbrush.....
If youve ever worked for a boss that reacts before getting the facts and thinking things through, you will love this!
Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall.The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.
He walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, How much money do you make a week?
A little surprised, the young man looked at him and replied, I make $400 a week. Why?
The CEO then handed the guy $1,600 in cash and screamed, Heres four weeks pay now GET OUT and dont come back.
Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?
From across the room came a voice, Pizza delivery guy from Dominos.
I was having trouble with my computer.
So I called Richard, the 11 year old next door,
whose bedroom looks like Mission Control,
and asked him to come over.
Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him,
'So, what was wrong?'
'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired,
'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?''
No,' I replied.
'Write it down,' he said,
'and I think you'll figure it out.'
So I wrote down:
I D 1 0 T
I used to like the little shit.
DAMN FINE EXPLANATION
The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.
'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you.. I want a divorce right away!'
And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love so at least I can tell you what happened.'
'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'
And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the
Car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.
So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.
Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.
Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.'
The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,
'Please .... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'