TBD on Ning

In 1983, sociologist Pepper Schwartz in her book "American Couples," asserted that lesbian couples in a committed relationship have less sex than any other kind of couple, and that frequency diminishes as time goes on. That assertion, which Pepper named (morbidly...eeeck!) "Lesbian Bed Death," has subsequently been categorized as popular myth--and yet it has become an issue of concern among some lesbians.

Opening this discussion to all of us, what have you noticed about your own sex life? Is it better or worse, more passionate or less, more urgent or take-it-or leave it, as life goes on?

Do you think it's biological, time management, circumstance, all of the above?

HECK.....let's just talk about SEX!!!!!


Tags: Sex, bed death

Views: 476

Replies to This Discussion

Kisses and hugs to you, too!
Yes! Yes! yes!! Many men maintain a healthy libido well past fifty  and those that do and combine  it with their knowledge of lovemaking are gems at best!
Amen, Sister!
Whoa...and I'm not being facetious when I ask this...does he seem to be essentially asexual or do you think he might be repressing homosexual desires? Is this a relationship-long behavior, or something that developed over time? Don't answer if those questions are too personal.

That must be terribly frustrating, Marty. As girls, I think most of us were sold on the idea of males having over-the-top libidos. But it turns out that men run the gamut of desire just like women do.

If you still love him, what a dilema!

Leaving him would be tough, but so would living, essentially, without a sexually intimate relationship. You signed on for a lover, not a roommate.

I assume you've gone the counseling route, and everything else you could think of?

The part that bugs me is that he looks at you as though your desire is unreasonable or unsavory. The men I know would thank you for your sexuality and your fantasies.

You said you had some big decisions to make, and I know that there is much more to such things than what we talk about here. It seems to me, however, that one of them may already have been made.

Perhaps, now, it's more a matter of logistics.


My ex thought I was perverted too, Marty.  In my opinion, once a month was NOT acceptable!

What is this whole perversion trip????

What is perverted, other than sex with a person or animal who cannot or does not consent?

Personally, my lovers and I like total immersion. I like to be so into sex that I don't even remember who I am or where I am. If we end up swinging from a chandelier or sticking fruit into orifices other than our mouths...hahahaha...who cares? I want to go where the desire takes me.

I have a good idea why you let that one loose, Belle. Making judgements like that says a lot about him.


Hahahaha...mine too. But somehow, I don't think Belle's or Marty's husband meant it that way. Perverts!  :>)

I've always wondered why gay men (particularly the flamers) tend to be more promiscuous than lesbians??????


Is a gay man's or lesbian's attitude towards having fu*k buddies the same as a heterosexual's?....need to scratch an itch or surrogate intimacy.

Yup...in the end, biology rules.

Always exceptions, of course...

I know that what I'm about to say is one of those useless, cliched statements, but I have to say it. You are so beautiful, from what I have seen and felt, both inside and out...it saddens me that you've not found that indispensible partner. I know you're not complaining...that you're fine and whole...but I guess I just want everyone I care about to find the joy I have.  

Life is strange.

But it is also true that around every corner is possibility, and that miracles happen in the nick of time. I am the incredibly lucky, undeserving, proof of that.

Sending out waves of prayers to the universe right now....






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