TBD

TBD on Ning

I feel serious this morning......I try not to let it happen too often.

I often think of the ironies in life. As a young man I was socialized to believe that the 'normal' way to live was to fall in love, marry, raise a family, and live happily ever-after. That was my goal and I attempted to achieve it.......I actually attempted it twice.....I'm no quitter. As a young man in my twenties I married. I had no appreciation for how complicated relationships could be and I lacked both an understanding of myself and little understanding of the needs of my partner. After 16 years our relationship was beyond repair. At 45 years old I had a somewhat better, though not a complete understanding of myself, and I remarried. I took some of the lessons I learned from my 1st marriage and applied them to my 2nd marriage....then I learned a new lesson - that many of the things I learned from my 1st marriage didn't apply to the 2nd marriage...the dynamics were different. After 3 tumultuos years I had an epiphany.....o.k., I'm a guy.......it was somewhat short of an epiphany...actually, I said outloud (to myself) 'I can't believe I f-cking did this again'......and straight to my lawyer I went.

I have now been single for almost 20 years. Some of the best years of my life. What I find ironic is that I have never been better suited for marriage. I have gained more of an appreciation of gender differences and have a much better understanding of my own personal strengths and weaknesses. Yet that has also brought me to the understanding that I enjoy my own company most of all and that I thrive on solitude. By outward appearances I thrive in social situations. I'm articulate, witty, am actually a good listener, and do have a strong social conscience.......I genuinely like people.....but my energy gets sapped after a few hours, my interest in socializing wanes, and I want to be by myself.......and by myself I most likely will stay...by choice....rather than by training. 

Just thinking out loud...

  

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Well....i think youve done okay. You are content NOW which some people never seem to GET. Yet, youre not sitting here by yourself wishing you had done the marriage thing. Youve been there, done that, got the tshirt. I was married, had kids, etc. did all that too. I was married along time, mostly because i refused to have minor children go thru what i knew would be a lot of verbal abuse. So i stuck it out and found my own little joys that were both legal and moral. Ive been divorced about 4 years and have really ENJOYED it! I am in a relationship with a man he is very kind and understanding but as it stands NOW, we do not plan to get married or live together. We BOTH enjoy the solitude. We go out once or twice a week and for US, its enough. We get questions all the time....WHEN'S THE WEDDING? Why do people assume every couple needs to get married? Im 47...what difference does it make at this point?

I'm good with seeing a woman a couple of days/week. Like you I get plenty of advice....unsolicited and unwanted....things like 'why don't you make an honest woman out of her' Like marriage has anything to do with anything....I find that I look forward to seeing her and conversely look forward to being alone after I see her.....it's got nothing to do with her....it's me.

I myself have no intention of every marrying again.  I am not the least bit bitter, in fact I love men. I enjoy the company, and all the other amenities that come with them.  I guess there are some things I am just not willing to share anymore.  (like my money) I got ruckydoed once and I am too old to start over again.

We are soooo much alike dwalt.

I'm not bitter either. I was a fish......thank the Lord for the catch and release program.  

Marriage is not the be all and end all.  For some, it's magic.  For others, it is decidedly more work than being single. 

I think at this stage of my life where my restless spirit has settled down somewhat, I am more suited for marriage, but, because of my situation, my marriage will now hold me back in my retirement.  I had planned to do a lot of road tripping and canoeing and hiking and my husband planned on retiring to a golf community.  Well, his illness is a big kabosh on those ideas. But, we'll see each other through it, and yet I dream that he would get well and all our plans could come true.

I think noble souls are really marrying people.  I don't think I am that noble.

You must rent and watch Amour, in French.  Talk about nobility!

It was my desire to retire and then travel that was one of the major incentives for me to remain single. I knew if I was to marry again and then get divorced again retirement and travel would become a more problematic . Things have worked ot beyond my expectations. I have travelled when and wherever I've pleased. I've spent 4 of the past 6 winters hiking in Sedona......a couple of winters in Florida....no need to please anyone but myself, no need to compromise: "we've gone to Sedona 3 years in a row, let's go somewhere else" "I think Florida is too humid" etc., etc. All valid points of view if you are marriage partners......but moot points when I just need to please myself.  

I sure can relate to all of you . I been single 30 years now and have my ways that nobody can change . I enjoy being a long in my own little world . Sure the loneliness is there most all the time . A companion would be nice to have but not tied down to anyone any thing . I don't need a lover , just a friend , just want to live a quite life till my end .... 

I have my animals, my work, and friends.  Life is good compared to most people.  I do worry about what is happening with our present goverment but all I can do is vote and pray.  Don't dwell on anything, does no good.

You're doing the right thing uno, it's wonderful to know yourself enough to be content. I had some disasters in my early married life and a long single spell that was fun however I chose to jump in again at 47, its been great this time around 20+ years except my husband is older so it's beginning to be more of a caretaker situation. He wants me to travel now if I wish but I don't feel right leaving him home by himself. He can't take care of himself anymore.

ahh.. the age old question .. to marry or to just rent .. or .. you could co let.. i suppose whatever works for you and the partner ( if you choose to have one ) you choose or chooses you .. i can look back on all the loves i've had in my life ( and i've had a few but its not hundreds ) and at this point i can say i'm glad i'm not with them anymore .. even tho i'm sure i loved them at the time .. i'm not sure what it is that can make some people fall in love and stay in love for a lifetime .. i wish i knew .. i do think tho that at this point in my life i have a much better idea what it is i want . and what i don't want .. while when i was a youth i had no clue .. so if i was ever ready to really marry again i'd be more able to do so now than ever before .. but life is funny ain't it ?? now that i know .. i'm not so sure i'd wanna do it .. but you should never say never .. love will make you do some crazy ass shit .. ask me how i know .. 

For you to have a clean toilet seat . Do you have to keep it clean or does Husband help out ......

I would take the remarried argument but I am in Aruba with my 2 girls today and busy....actually what is right for one is not always right for another....there see you later!

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