TBD on Ning

President Barack Obama
was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.
"Hello, President Obama " a heavily accented southern voice said. "This is Archie,
down here at the Joes Crab Shack, HoustonTexas, I am callin' to tell ya’ll
that we are officially declaring war on ya!"
"Well Archie," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news !
How big is your army ?"
"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, my cousin
Harold , my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole dart team from Hooters.
That makes eight!"
Barack paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army
waiting to move on my command."
"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have to call ya back!"


Tags: Texas, humor

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Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. " Mr. Obama , the war is still
on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Archie?" Barack asked.
"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry 's farm tractor."
President Obama sighed.
"I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers.
Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."
"Lord above", said Archie,
"I'll be getting back to ya."
Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day.. " President Obama , the war is
still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harolds's
ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four
boys from the Legion have joined us as well!"
Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Archie
that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex
is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And
since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Oh Lord," said Archie, "l'll have to call you back."
Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. " President Obama ! I am
sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack . "Why the sudden change of heart?"

Well, sir," said Archie,
"we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a few beers, and come to
realize that there's just no way we can feed two million prisoners.."

You are so right, my friend!!! Good one!!!
A writer came up with the idea one day to write a book complete with pictures of some of the largest, grandest churches in America. He began his search in New York city where in a large Baptist church there he noticed a golden phone hanging on the wall with sign that read, "Direct line to Heaven,$10,000 per minute."
His next stop was an ornate Methodist church in Chicago with the same golden phone on the back wall with a sign reading. "Direct line to Heaven, $10,000 Per MInute."
Same thing in Phoenix, then Los Angeles, all over the country in these upscale churches, same phone, same $10,000 fee.
He stopped in Ft.worth at a very beautiful, well appointed church there and again the same golden phone hung on the back wall, but the sign read "Direct line to Heaven, 25 cents per minute.
Perplexed at the price, he sought out the minister and asked about the vast difference in price. The minister said quietly, "Son, you don't understand.....from here it's a LOCAL call."
.........and on the eighth day, God created Texas....




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