This is completely just for laughs.... Do NOT think of posting anything serious or thought provoking here...EVER!
I mean it...... :-)
I’m fine …
A farmer named Bubba had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.
In court, the Eversweet Company’s hot-shot lawyer was questioning Bubba.
‘Didn’t you say to the police at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine?’ asked the lawyer.
Bubba responded: ‘Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I’d just loaded my fav’rit cow, Bessie, into da… ‘
‘I didn’t ask for any details’, the lawyer interrupted. ‘Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine!’?’
Bubba said, ‘Well, I’d just got Bessie into da trailer and I was drivin’ down da road…… ‘
The lawyer interrupted again and said,‘Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question. ‘
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Bubba‘s answer and said to the lawyer:
‘I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favorite cow, Bessie’.
Bubba thanked the Judge and proceeded.
‘Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my fav’rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin’ her down de road when this huge Eversweet truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder. By Jaysus I was hurt, very bad like, and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moanin’ and groanin’. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.
Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin’ and groanin’ too, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, ‘How are you feelin’?’
‘Now wot would you say?’
Bubba won his case
WHITE LIE CAKE!
Have you ever told a white lie?
Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church Ladies' Group in Tuscaloosa , but forgot to do it until the last minute. She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets, found an angel food cake mix & quickly made it while drying her hair, dressing, and helping her son pack for scout camp.
When she took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat. And the cake was horribly disfigured and she exclaimed, "Oh dear, there is not time to bake another cake!" So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake. She found it in the bathroom - a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and then covered it with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect. And, before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the moment it opened at 9:30 and to buy the cake and bring it home.
When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found the attractive, perfect cake had already been sold. Amanda grabbed her cell phone and called her mom. Alice was horrified - she was beside herself! Everyone would know! What would they think? She would be ostracized, talked about, ridiculed!
All night, Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing fingers at her and talking about her behind her back. The next day, Alice promised herself she would try not to think about the cake and would attend the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a fellow church member and try to have a good time. She did not really want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at the fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa, but having already RS VP'd, she couldn't think of a believable excuse to stay home.
The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old south, and to Alice 's horror, the cake in question was presented for dessert!
Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake! She started out of her chair to tell the hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor's wife said, "what a beautiful cake!"
Alice, still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, "Thank you, I baked it myself." Alice smiled and thought to herself, "God is good."
A pile of cow manure works great also.