TBD

TBD on Ning

...The Ranch's answer to you -know - what - with no rules.

Go ahead...tell us what you're having for dinner - we can't wait! Got a cute pic of kitty peeking out of a paper bag? Post it! We live for that stuff!

Math addict? How about a refresher on the Pythagorean Theorem?

Like macaroni and cheese? Tell us why!

So even if you're not a writer or a poet (yet), there's still plenty of fun things to do at the Armadillo!

Oh baby, oh baby!



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Why do they do it? Say you're watching the box, hearing the news. They start by leaning froward on their chair, commenting, arguing with the speaker's logic. You raise the volume, put your finger to your lips. But you now that before long they'll stand up, walk in front of the TV, and fulminate, thinking nothing of it. You strain to the right of them; you strain to the left of them. "I'm not bothering you, am i?" they'll say. But by that time you've missed the gist.

Breathe, Westerly...Breathe!   :-)

"I think a lot of the frustration frankly in our party (GOP), in the Tea Party challenges or even Occupy Wall Street is really a reflection of our failure to solve the major problems in our country. It's become all about the politics, and not the policy. It's not about governing, it's about the next election."

Maine Senator (R) Olympia Snowe

Ya think?

Hello.

How ya doin?

Fine…yourself?

Pretty good…pretty good.

(pause)

So…have you ever done this before?

Umm…no, first time… you?

Yes, I have…once before…but its been awhile. Its easy. I’ll go first, if that’s ok.

Sure…uh…you’re staring. Is something wrong?

Oh, sorry. It’s just that you don’t look very much like your picture.

Oh really? How so?

Well, you …umm…you look older…than your photo… actually quite a bit ol…

Oh, ha…yeah…that…well I didn’t have anything current and I was pressed for time, so I…

Are you really 6’1”?... you don’t seem quite that tall…

Who me? No…where’d you get that?

Right here on your profile.

Haha…I’m actually 61 inches … tall…must’ve been a typo…

I see. Well let’s move on then, shall we? It says here that you’re an artist. That’s interesting. What’s your medium?

Sandwiches.

I’m sorry…did you say… sandwiches?

Yes, indeedy. I work at Subway – I’m a sandwich artist! Actually, I’m the assistant manager at the store over on Euclid…by the university…we hire a lot of freakin’ lazy students who hardly ever show up, especially on the weekends…so I spend a lot of time perfecting my “art” - haha!

Hmm…let’s see…what kind of music do you listen to?

None.

No music?

Nope…hate it.

Okaaaay…let’s move on then. It says here you’re a bit of a gourmet – that you like fine foods. That’s neat…what’s your favorite cuisine?

Casseroles. Man, I just love casseroles!

(pause)

Huh…well, what’s your favorite kind of…uh …. casserole?

That’s easy…most people don’t have a favorite – too hard to choose you know, but mine is … radish.

Radish? Radish casserole? How the hell do you make a…

Sorry to interrupt, but can I ask you a question?

Uhh…sure… what is it?

Well, back at Registration I was a little short for the fee. I was wonderin’…could I borrow 5 bucks?

No.

I unnerstand. You’re short, too. Hey! …there’s something else we have in common – we’re both broke! Haw haw!

(Sigh) Well then…I think that…

Hey …when is it gonna get to be my turn? I’m already madly in love with you and think that we would make a really great couple and…

Hey! Where ya goin’? Thanks for the 5-spot. I’ll pay ya back…I’ll call ya, ok?

 

Obviously (well) written by a veteran of the internet dating world. Indeed!

 

Sorry I have not contributed lately ... been buried under new home renovations, old home selling, wedding (semi-elopment) plans ... and acting in a Truly Bad Play. Thanks to all for the fine writing. Keep them poems and essays comin'!

 

Cheers,

-M

Eloping? Aw, jeez…there goes the catering gig!

 I didn’t know you were in the theater – very cool, M! It’s one of my favorite things – next to casseroles, of course.

In fact, I’m almost finished writing my first play – “A Streetcar Set on Fire”. It’s one act -  the story of a young man in NYC who must go out west to avenge his father’s death.

Watch for it this summer – coming to a theater near you!

Red Carpet Ken

 

The Barbie townhouse has an elevator, a shower, a toilet. It has several Barbies & friends. It has a Ken wearing a red, one-shoulder ball gown. It’s quite a snug fir, as Ken is taller and more top-heavy than the other dolls. Because he sports an oddly dated 80’s haircut –a modified pageboy – he could pass for the RuPaul of the toy box.

 

The little girl who manages the house giggles as she slips off Ken’s gown, revealing a pair of surfing shorts. Then he starts pounding on the shower stall door. Someone else is in there – fully clothed – and I guess Ken needs to wash the sea salt residue from his perfectly-tanned chest.

 

He should knock on the door and ask politely, I tell her. And she goes along with ken’s better nature. Sometimes a grownup comes up with a good idea.

Hmm...Ken in a red ball gown - I think you may have something there.

 More please.

            It starred Will Farrel and Mark Wahlburg, and was billed as an hilarious comedy. It sounded good to both of them. They were six minutes late turning it on, and they came into the middle of a scene. The scene featured the Mark Wahlburg character meanly getting into the face of the boss-type character, with Will Farrel piling on. Punches were thrown. Desks were booted. Pictures were torn off the wall.

 

“Nyuck, nyuc,” said Linda.”It’s the other three stooges.”

 

Helen grabbed the remote.  “I thought this was supposed to be a comedy,” she told her friend. “Nothing funny about this.” She shook her head as she checked the menu.

 

Linda leaned forward. “Well, find something you can stand. You really can’t take all that mayhem?”

 

“I get enough of that at home,” said Helen, before she realized how that would sound

            Ken has a new roommate. We picked up a possibly vintage Barbie at a thrift store who resembles Dolly Parton. She wears a cloud of very blonde, very curly hair, a tight purple top and denim miniskirt. Her shoes are missing, as is her underwear; don’t ask. Still intact are her long cowboy boot-shaped earrings.  She has painted eyelashes, a small smile with teeth, straight legs and bent (but not bendable) arms.

 

On her back it says 1966, and we were excited about collectible big bucks, but we learned that 1966 indicated the year the torso type was registered, and she could have been made later.

 

The little girl who manages the town house put her into the shower right away. Perhaps it’s an initiation ritual.

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