THE TIME IS NOW

[Mark Joel Lane]

With Daylight Savings Time less than a week away here in mid March and not  changing the clocks again until early November, I am proposing a change to this idiotic madness that so many people are against. Spring  forward. Fall back..that's if you can remember.  The number of folks who show up for work an hour late or an hour early are staggering every time there is a clock change.  Farmers don't like it. The TV networks don't like it.  Criminals oppose it. Even the U.S, Dept.of Energy says there is no savings on electricity. This insanity has to end and as I stated, I am proposing a change ..a solution to this never ending stupid changing the time every 6 months.

 

Ok...here it is.   Let's change the clocks forward  at the end of each month just 10 minutes...!!!. That's right ..just 600 silly seconds..Who would even notice? Who would even care? Then at the end of the following month, repeat it for another 10 minutes..After the end of 6 months...we'd be at the same place as if we had turned the clocks forward  an hour..Then we reverse the 10 minutes backwards starting at the end of the next month.   I've thought about a 5 minute change every two weeks, but ten minutes is the best.

 

Besides,ten is a number we can all relate to:   ten  Commandments, ten plagues, ten frames in bowling, ten yards to make a first down, ten tribes of Israel, ten little Indians, ten packs of hot dogs, etc. etc. etc.

 

So I've sent my proposal to my state senators, assemblymen, members of Congress, The National Association of Watch and Clock Collectors, the Time Service Department,  Timex, and H.G. Wells.

 

The biggest benefit from my proposal is you won't be losing an hour of sleep anymore . You won't be gaining any either but nobody needs or wants a 25 hour day unless you own a 7-11 or Dunkin Donuts retail location.  As an added benefit..think of all the aerobic exercise people will get winding their watches, changing clocks at home and in their cars every month. Our dogs  and some  other pets are not aware of the mindless Daylight Savings Time as it is now unless they need to be walked . But with my proposal , accidental pooping will be reduced significantly and the savings alone on cleaning supplies will be astronomical.   So let's hear it for TEN. Bo Derek would certainly agree.