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After much consideration, I have decided to become a leftist. Here's why:

As a leftist, I have a right to a living wage. I was born with this right and under the system of social justice Obama and friends are implementing, rich fat cats are under an obligation to pay for my rights.

As a leftist, I also have a right to free health care, a roof over my head, and food on my table. And as long as I keep voting for Democrats, this right will be protected and, hopefully expanded.

As a solid member of the left, I have the right to abort my baby, and even have other people pay for it. I also have the right to free (taxpayer funded) birth control and my boyfriend has the right to obtain sexual enhancement aids for free. Not that he needs them, but, hey, they're free.

As a leftist, I have the right to indulge in sluttish behavior with whomever I want. Not only that, I can describe myself as 'empowered' instead of merely being a tramp.

Being a good leftist, I have the right not to be insulted. My behavior is sanctioned by my fellow leftists and it has been decided that anyone who insults me is, by nature, a bigot, and therefore of no consequence.

I also have the right to redefine words. And the right to ridicule anyone who objects. Especially if they're white Christian males.

Best of all, I am under no obligation to back up my feelings with facts. We on the left understand very well that any and all criticism coming from the right is motivated by hate and therefore invalid.

As a leftist, I don't have to worry about the consequences of my actions. It is understood that as long as my intentions are pure, the end results don't matter. I want it known that I fully intend to donate my lottery winnings to those poor Haitians, just as soon as I win them. Please pat me on the back. (Wait for the cameras, you idiot!)

Being a leftist entitles me to marry someone of the same-sex. And my children will have the right to choose their own gender. And schools, businesses and agencies that don't accommodate our choices could well be liable for prosecution under the hate crimes bill. How cool is that?

I am also free to choose my own God, or no God. This is a no brainer, as everyone knows that Mother Earth is the source of all spirituality. So as long as I don't litter and I recycle faithfully, I can legitimately claim piety. And as long as I publicly confess my trangressions, there is no need to atone. Whew.

I am now morally justified in walking away from my home mortgage. Those greedy lenders will be left holding the bag. Maybe that will teach them there's more to life than the bottom line.

And the car I got under 'cash for clunkers' won't be paid for either. Its not my fault I couldn't pay for it. But as soon as I get my discrimination lawsuit settlement from my former boss, I'll be able to get it back. Or maybe a new one.

As a leftist, I need focus only on my rights, and their infringement thereof. The government has decided to shoulder my former responsibilities. And about time!


Life as a leftist is good. Having my needs and problems taken care of by the government leaves me free to indulge my inner child. I no longer need to be ashamed of my failures, as I now know that the deck has been stacked against me all my life and those failures were not my fault!

I am now liberated and empowered. As an added bonus, I am a member of four different victim groups, which allows me to maintain the high moral ground. This is called social justice.

I never knew life could be so good. All rights and no responsibilities! This could only happen in America. And as soon as the U.S. atones for past sins to my satisfaction, I'll be happy to admit that America is not a bad place to live.

Tags: leftist, liberal, progressive

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Wow, I must be totally out of the loop--I've never heard of these "leftists" and their crazy ideas!

Maybe it's a regional thing? Up here in Massachusetts we pretty much only have liberals and conservatives. They have different opinions about things, but 'taint none of them crazy with regard to politics, 'cept the ones that're crazy about everything.
As a concerned American, I believe it is extreme political opinions of the Left and the Right which lead to personal demonization of fellow Americans and cause the divisiveness which will eventually be the death of our nation's sovereignty as a world power or even its viability as a nation. Ye who throws mud loses ground, and if both sides lose ground, we all sink in the quagmire of political lunacy.
Maricel,
You've hit the nail on the head. Our country would be so much better off if we concentrated on what unites us instead of what divides us.
I agree. Let's give slutty behavior a fair chance.
I say you were born an AH...just stay as you are, we don't need your stupid A** on the left.
Thanks so much for the laugh...speaking of sex...how about those lazy ass right swingers that spout out family values while screwing and sobbing when caught later that they made a mistake...speaking of mixtakes...how about those christian valaued morons with the tea bags hagging from their noses condemning so many hard working ppl to death...speaking of hard working ppl...that pay for these lazy ass family value morons in office to have the best insurance and then say no to the peoons,such as yourself....they are public servants,we are not suppose to take care of their asses,they're supposed to serve us and do what is best for our interest as a country....but what would you know about that....
Close this please!!!!
Blondie,
Just ignore things that you don’t agree with.
It’s just like someone said "If I can’t come up to your standards", "I will drag you down to mine".
I wish George Washington and Thomas Jefferson and the rest of our brilliant forefathers were here to see this. All it would take to get our country to where our founders envisioned it, would be for all the far right and all the far left to swallow some pride and open up their minds.

Wow! Am I playing the middle or what?
Wow! Am I playing the middle or what? larry kremis

Welcome to the club Larry.
Personally, I think swinging in either extremes leads one to a state of insanity or aggravates an existing condition...but then again statistics show a rise in the # of mental illness cases in the US so I am not surprised at the political trend. . An estimated 26.2 percent of Americans ages 18 and older — about one in four adults — suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year. National Institute of Mental Health
(http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/the-numbers-count-menta...)
That's a staggering statistic Maricel. I'm sure mental disorders have something to do with those who lean far in either direction. Especially, obsessive compulsive disorder. I also believe these people are followers, not leaders or free thinkers. They were influenced at an impressionable age, ie college age. Some professor they admired force fed them his/her beliefs and those beliefs stuck. I use professors only as an example, parents, older siblings, or simply somebody with with wit and book smarts. "Book smarts" is often confused with having common sense.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if politicians and voters would put their egos aside and use their heads?
As a leftist, I have the right to indulge in sluttish behavior with whomever I want. Not only that, I can describe myself as 'empowered' instead of merely being a tramp.


What? YOu needed permission?

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